Читать книгу: «The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 12, No. 333, September 27, 1828», страница 6

THE ANECDOTE GALLERY

DOCTOR PARR

Dr. Parr's nature was highly social; and he almost always spent his evenings in the company of his family and his domestic visiters, or in that of some neighbouring friends. He was fond of the pleasures of the table; and probably, in the course of the whole year, few days passed in which he did not meet some social party, round the festive board, either at home or abroad. At such times his dress was in complete contrast with the costume of the morning, for he appeared in a well-powdered wig, and always wore his band and cassock. On extraordinary occasions he was arrayed in a full-dress suit of black velvet, of the cut of the old times, when his appearance was imposing and dignified.

After dinner, but not often till the ladies were about to retire, he claimed, in all companies, his privilege of smoking, as a right not to be disputed; since, he said, it was a condition, "no pipe, no Parr," previously known, and peremptorily imposed on all who desired his acquaintance. Speaking of the honour once conferred upon him, of being invited to dinner at Carlton-house, he always mentioned, with evident satisfaction, the kind condescension of his present Majesty, then Prince of Wales, who was pleased to insist upon his taking his pipe as usual. Of the Duke of Sussex, in whose mansion he was not unfrequently a visiter, he used to tell, with exulting pleasure, that his Royal Highness not only allowed him to smoke, but smoked with him. He often represented it as an instance of the homage which rank and beauty delight to pay to talents and learning, that ladies of the highest stations condescended to the office of lighting his pipe. He appeared to no advantage, however, in his custom of demanding the service of holding the lighted paper to his pipe from the youngest female who happened to be present; and who was, often, by the freedom of his remarks, or by the gaze of the company, painfully disconcerted. This troublesome ceremony, in his later years, he wisely discarded.

The reader will probably recollect, in the well-known story, his reply to the lady by whom he had been hospitably entertained, but who refused to allow him the indulgence of his pipe. In vain he pleaded that such indulgence had always been kindly granted in the mansions of the highest nobility, and even in the presence and in the palace of his sovereign. "Madam," said Dr. Parr to the lady, who still remained inexorable, "you must give me leave to tell you, you are the greatest—" whilst she, fearful of what might follow, earnestly interposed, and begged that he would express no rudeness—"Madam," resumed Dr. Parr, speaking loud, and looking stern, "I must take leave to tell you, you are the greatest—tobacco-stopper in England." This sally produced a loud laugh; and having enjoyed the effects of his wit, he found himself obliged to retire, in order to enjoy the pleasures of his pipe.

Dr. Parr was accustomed to amuse himself in the evening with cards, of which the old English game of whist was his favourite. But no entreaties could induce him to depart from a resolution, which he adopted early in life, of never playing, in any company whatever, for more than a nominal stake. Upon one occasion only, he had been persuaded, contrary to his rule, to play with the late Bishop Watson for a shilling, which he won. Pushing it carefully to the bottom of his pocket, and placing his hand upon it, with a kind of mock solemnity, "There, my Lord Bishop," said he, "this is a trick of the devil; but I'll match him: so now, if you please, we will play for a penny;" and this was ever after the amount of his stake. He was not, on that account, at all the less ardent in the prosecution, or the less joyous in the success, of the rubber. He had a high opinion of his own skill in this game, and could not very patiently tolerate the want of it in his partner. Being engaged with a party, in which he was unequally matched, he was asked by a lady how the fortune of the game turned? when he replied, "Pretty well, Madam, considering that I have three adversaries!"

Even ladies were not spared, who incurred his displeasure, either by pertinacious adherence to the wrong in opinion, or by deficiency of attention to the right and the amiable in conduct. To one, who had violated, as he thought, some of the little rules of propriety, he said, "Madam, your father was a gentlemen, and I thought that his daughter might have been a lady." To another, who had held out in argument against him, not very powerfully, and rather too perseveringly, and who had closed the debate by saying, "Well, Dr. Parr, I still maintain my opinion." He replied, "Madam, you may, if you please, retain your opinion, but you cannot maintain it."

THE GATHERER

 
"A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles."
 

Shakspeare.

OBSTINATE PUN

Aliquid is mater unite dextra ordinari læto he at.

A liquid is matter united extraordinarily to heat.

A worthy Cambrian at the recent Eisteddfod, or Welsh Musical Festival, after staying a short time at the concert, walked off, shaking his head, exclaiming, "I like singing and drinking by turns—here it is all sing and no drink—that will never do."

PARISIAN MARRIAGE MART

Among the curious institutions in Paris, is an establishment by a marriage negotiator, by means of which persons who are seeking for wives are enabled to view all the females upon his list, who are placed in different rooms with glazed doors, so classed as to give an easy reference to the particulars on his books, as to their ages, fortunes, and qualifications. When the inspector is satisfied with these particulars, and with the personal appearance, an interview takes place, and the bargain is struck.

Captain Basil Hall has addressed a letter to a Scotch newspaper, stating that the story of his walking 16,000 miles in fifteen months, is a hoax—the whole journey being performed in land conveyances and steam-vessels! Not a line is written of the "Book" of these exploits, said to be "in the press;" the latter is by no means so great a blunder as the former.

A facetious gourmand suggests that the old story of "lighting a candle to the devil," or as it has been corrupted, "holding a candle to the devil," probably arose from the adage of "GOD sends meat, and the devil sends cooks,"—and was an offering to his Infernal Majesty, by some epicure who was in want of a cook.

GERMAN MODE OF PREVENTING TIPPLING

The following is a late order from the mayor of a department in the Isere:–"All persons drinking and tippling upon Sundays and holidays, in coffee-houses, &c. during the celebration of mass or vespers, are hereby authorized to depart without paying for what they have had."

*_** ERRATA at page 189—for Quoites read Quoties, and in the same line insert hyphen—thus, mori-.

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