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CHAPTER XVI
Of divers other Relations
1. The relation of Averroes, and now common in every mouth, of the woman that conceived in a bath, by attracting the sperm or seminal effluxion of a man admitted to bath in some vicinity unto her, I have scarce faith to believe; and had I been of the Jury, should have hardly thought I had found the father in the person that stood by her. ’Tis a new and unseconded way in History to fornicate at a distance, and much offendeth the rules of Physick, which say, there is no generation without a joynt emission, nor only a virtual, but corporal and carnal contaction. And although Aristotle and his adherents do cut off the one, who conceive no effectual ejaculation in women, yet in defence of the other they cannot be introduced. For, if as he believeth, the inordinate longitude of the organ, though in its proper recipient, may be a means to inprolificate the seed; surely the distance of place, with the commixture of an aqueous body, must prove an effectual impediment, and utterly prevent the success of a conception. And therefore that conceit concerning the daughters of Lot, that they were impregnated by their sleeping father, or conceived by seminal pollution received at distance from him, will hardly be admitted. Generations by the Devil very improbable. And therefore what is related of devils, and the contrived delusions of spirits, that they steal the seminal emissions of man, and transmit them into their votaries in coition, is much to be suspected; and altogether to be denied, that there ensue conceptions thereupon; however husbanded by Art, and the wisest menagery of that most subtile imposter. And therefore also that our magnified Merlin was thus begotten by the devil, is a groundless conception; and as vain to think from thence to give the reason of his prophetical spirit. For if a generation could succeed, yet should not the issue inherit the faculties of the devil, who is but an auxiliary, and no univocal Actor; Nor will his nature substantially concur to such productions.
And although it seems not impossible, that impregnation may succeed from seminal spirits, and vaporous irradiations containing the active principle, without material and gross immissions; as it happeneth sometimes in imperforated persons, and rare conceptions of some much under pubertie or fourteen. As may be also conjectured in the coition of some insects, wherein the female makes intrusion into the male; and from the continued ovation in Hens, from one single tread of a cock, and little stock laid up near the vent, sufficient for durable prolification. And although also in humane generation the gross and corpulent seminal body may return again, and the great business be acted by what it caryeth with it: yet will not the same suffice to support the story in question, wherein no corpulent immission is acknowledged; answerable unto the fable of the Talmudists, in the storie of Benzira, begotten in the same manner on the daughter of the Prophet Jeremie.
2. The Relation of Lucillius, and now become common, concerning Crassus the grand-father of Marcus the wealthy Roman, that he never laughed but once in all his life, and that was at an Ass eating thistles, is something strange. For, if an indifferent and unridiculous object could draw his habitual austereness unto a smile, it will be hard to believe he could with perpetuity resist the proper motives thereof. Laughter. What kind of Passion it is. For the act of Laughter which is evidenced by a sweet contraction of the muscles of the face, and a pleasant agitation of the vocal Organs, is not meerly voluntary, or totally within the jurisdiction of our selves: but as it may be constrained by corporal contaction in any, and hath been enforced in some even in their death, so the new unusual or unexpected jucundities, which present themselves to any man in his life, at some time or other will have activity enough to excitate the earthiest soul, and raise a smile from most composed tempers. Certainly the times were dull when these things happened, and the wits of those Ages short of these of ours; when men could maintain such immutable faces, as to remain like statues under the flatteries of wit and persist unalterable at all efforts of Jocularity. The spirits in hell, and Pluto himself, whom Lucian makes to laugh at passages upon earth, will plainly condemn these Saturnines, and make ridiculous the magnified Heraclitus, who wept preposterously, and made a hell on earth; for rejecting the consolations of life, he passed his days in tears, and the uncomfortable attendments of hell.
3. The same conceit there passeth concerning our blessed Saviour, and is sometimes urged as an high example of gravity. And this is opinioned, because in holy Scripture it is recorded he sometimes wept, but never that he laughed. Which howsoever granted, it will be hard to conceive how he passed his younger years and child-hood without a smile, if as Divinity affirmeth, for the assurance of his humanity unto men, and the concealment of his Divinity from the devil, he passed this age like other children, and so proceeded untill he evidenced the same. And surely herein no danger there is to affirm the act or performance of that, whereof we acknowledge the power and essential property; and whereby indeed he most nearly convinced the doubt of his humanity. Nor need we be afraid to ascribe that unto the incarnate Son, which sometimes is attributed unto the uncarnate Father; of whom it is said, He that dwelleth in the heavens shall laugh the wicked to scorn. For a laugh there is of contempt or indignation, as well as of mirth and Jocosity; and that our Saviour was not exempted from the ground hereof, that is, the passion of anger, regulated and rightly ordered by reason, the schools do not deny: and besides the experience of the money-changers and Dove-sellers in the Temple, is testified by St. John, when he saith, the speech of DavidZelus domus tuæ comedit me. was fulfilled in our Saviour.
Now the Alogie of this opinion consisteth in the illation; it being not reasonable to conclude from Scripture negatively in points which are not matters of faith, and pertaining unto salvation. And therefore although in the description of the creation there be no mention of fire, Christian Philosophy did not think it reasonable presently to annihilate that element, or positively to decree there was no such thing at all. Thus whereas in the brief narration of Moses there is no record of wine before the flood, we cannot satisfactorily conclude that Noah was the first that ever tasted thereof. Only in the vulgar Latin. Judg. 9. 53. And thus because the word Brain is scarce mentioned once, but Heart above an hundred times in holy Scripture; Physitians that dispute the principality of parts are not from hence induced to bereave the animal Organ of its priority. Wherefore the Scriptures being serious, and commonly omitting such Parergies, it will be unreasonable from hence to condemn all Laughter, and from considerations inconsiderable to discipline a man out of his nature. For this is by a rustical severity to banish all urbanity; whose harmless and confined condition, as it stands commended by morality, so is it consistent with Religion, and doth not offend Divinity.
4. The custom it is of Popes to change their name at their creation; and the Author thereof is commonly said to be Bocca di porco, or swines face; who therefore assumed the stile of Sergius the second, as being ashamed so foul a name should dishonour the chair of Peter; wherein notwithstanding, from Montacutius and others I find there may be some mistake. For Massonius who writ the lives of Popes, acknowledgeth he was not the first that changed his name in that Sea; nor as Platina affirmeth, have all his Successors precisely continued that custom; for Adrian the sixt, and Marcellus the second, did still retain their Baptismal denomination. Nor is it proved, or probable, that Sergius changed the name of Bocca di Porco, for this was his sirname or gentilitious appellation: nor was it the custom to alter that with the other; but be commuted his Christian name Peter for Sergius, because he would seem to decline the name of Peter the second. A scruple I confess not thought considerable in other Seas, whose Originals and first Patriarchs have been less disputed; nor yet perhaps of that reality as to prevail in points of the same nature. For the names of the Apostles, Patriarchs and Prophets have been assumed even to affectation; the name of Jesus hath not been appropriate; but some in precedent ages have born that name, and many since have not refused the Christian name of Emmanuel. Thus are there few names more frequent then Moses and Abraham among the Jews; The Turks without scruple affect the name of Mahomet, and with gladness receive so honourable cognomination.
And truly in humane occurrences there ever have been many well directed intentions, whose rationalities will never bear a rigid examination, and though in some way they do commend their Authors, and such as first began them, yet have they proved insufficient to perpetuate imitation in such as have succeeded them. Thus was it a worthy resolution of Godfrey, and most Christians have applauded it, That he refused to wear a Crown of Gold where his Saviour had worn one of thorns. Yet did not his Successors durably inherit that scruple, but some were anointed, and solemnly accepted the Diadem of regality. Thus Julius, Augustus and Tiberius with great humility or popularity refused the name of Imperator, but their Successors have challenged that title, and retain the same even in its titularity. And thus to come nearer our subject, the humility of Gregory the Great would by no means admit the stile of universal Bishop; but the ambition of Boniface made no scruple thereof, nor of more queasie resolutions have been their Successors ever since.
Turkish History.
5. That Tamerlane was a Scythian Shepherd, from Mr. Knolls and others, from Alhazen a learned Arabian who wrote his life, and was Spectator of many of his exploits, we have reasons to deny. Not only from his birth, for he was of the blood of the Tartarian Emperours, whose father Og had for his possession the Country of Sagathy; which was no slender Territory, but comprehended all that tract wherein were contained Bactriana, Sogdiana, Margiana, and the nation of the Massagetes, whose capital City was Samarcand; a place though now decaid, of great esteem and trade in former ages. But from his regal Inauguration, for it is said, that being about the age of fifteen, his old father resigned the Kingdom and men of war unto him. And also from his education, for as the storie speaks it, he was instructed in the Arabian learning, and afterward exercised himself therein. Now Arabian learning was in a manner all the liberal Sciences, especially the Mathematicks, and natural Philosophy; wherein not many ages before him there flourished Avicenna, Averroes, Avenzoar, Geber, Almanzor and Alhazen, cognominal unto him that wrote his History, whose Chronology indeed, although it be obscure, yet in the opinion of his Commentator, he was contemporary unto Avicenna, and hath left sixteen books of Opticks, of great esteem with ages past, and textuary unto our days.
Now the ground of this mistake was surely that which the Turkish Historian declareth. Some, saith he, of our Historians will needs have Tamerlane to be the Son of a Shepherd. But this they have said, not knowing at all the custom of their Country; wherein the principal revenews of the King and Nobles consisteth in cattle; who despising gold and silver, abound in all sorts thereof. And this was the occasion that some men call them Shepherds, and also affirm this Prince descended from them. Now, if it be reasonable, that great men whose possessions are chiefly in cattle, should bear the name of Shepherds, and fall upon so low denominations; then may we say that Abraham was a Shepherd, although too powerful for four Kings: that Job was of that condition, who beside Camels and Oxen had seven thousand Sheep: and yet is said to be the greatest man in the East. Thus was Mesha King of Moab a Shepherd, who annually paid unto the Crown of Israel an hundred thousand Lambs, and as many Rams. Surely it is no dishonourable course of life which Moses and Jacob have made exemplary: ’tis a profession supported upon the natural way of acquisition, and though contemned by the Egyptians, much countenanced by the Hebrews, whose sacrifices required plenty of Sheep and Lambs. And certainly they were very numerous; for, at the consecration of the Temple, beside two and twenty thousand Oxen, King Solomon sacrificed an hundred and twenty thousand Sheep: and the same is observable from the daily provision of his house: which was ten fat Oxen, twenty Oxen out of the pastures, and an hundred Sheep, beside row Buck, fallow Deer, and fatted Fowls. Description of the Turkish Seraglio, since printed. The daily provision of the Seraglio. Wherein notwithstanding (if a punctual relation thereof do rightly inform us) the grand Seignior doth exceed: the daily provision of whose Seraglio in the reign of Achmet, beside Beeves, consumed two hundred Sheep, Lambs and Kids when they were in season one hundred, Calves ten, Geese fifty, Hens two hundred, Chickens one hundred, Pigeons an hundred pair.
And therefore this mistake concerning the noble Tamerlane, was like that concerning Demosthenes, who is said to be the Son of a Black-smith, according to common conceit, and that handsome expression of Juvenal.
Quem pater ardentis massæ fuligine lippus,
A carbone et forcipibus, gladiosq; parante
Incude, et luteo Vulcano ad Rhetora misit.
Thus Englished by Sir Robert Stapleton.
Whom’s Father with the smoaky forg half blind,
From blows on sooty Vulcans anvil spent.
In ham’ring swords, to study Rhet’rick sent.
But Plutarch who writ his life hath cleared this conceit, plainly affirming he was most nobly descended, and that this report was raised, because his father had many slaves that wrought Smiths work, and brought the profit unto him.
CHAPTER XVII
Of some others
1. We are sad when we read the story of Belisarius that worthy Chieftain of Justinian; who, after his Victories over Vandals, Goths, Persians, and his Trophies in three parts of the World, had at last his eyes put out by the Emperour, and was reduced to that distress, that he begged relief on the high-way, in that uncomfortable petition, Date obolum Belisario. And this we do not only hear in Discourses, Orations and Themes, but find it also in the leaves of Petrus Crinitus, Volaterranus, and other worthy Writers.
But, what may somewhat consolate all men that honour vertue, we do not discover the latter Scene of his Misery in Authors of Antiquity, or such as have expresly delivered the stories of those times. For, Suidas is silent herein, Cedrenus and Zonaras, two grave and punctual Authors, delivering only the confiscation of his goods, omit the History of his mendication. Paulus Diaconus goeth farther, not only passing over this act, but affirming his goods and dignities were restored. Agathius who lived at the same time, declareth he suffered much from the envy of the Court: but that he descended thus deep into affliction, is not to be gathered from his pen. The same is also omitted by Procopius a contemporary and professed enemy unto Justinian and Belisarius, who hath left an opprobrious book Ἀνέκδοτα, or Arcana historia. against them both.
And in this opinion and hopes we are not single, but Andreas Alciatus the Civilian in his Parerga, and Franciscus de Cordua in his Didascalia, have both declaratorily confirmed the same, which is also agreeable unto the judgment of Nicolaus Alemannus, in his notes upon the bitter History of Procopius. Certainly sad and Tragical stories are seldom drawn within the circle of their verities; but as their Relators do either intend the hatred or pitty of the persons, so are they set forth with additional amplifications. Thus have some suspected it hath happened unto the story of Oedipus; and thus do we conceive it hath fared with that of Judas, who having sinned beyond aggravation, and committed one villany which cannot be exasperated by all other: is also charged with the murther of his reputed brother, parricide of his father, and Incest with his own mother, as Florilegus or Matthew of Westminster hath at large related. And thus hath it perhaps befallen the noble Belisarius; who, upon instigation of the Empress, having contrived the exile, and very hardly treated Pope Serverius, Latin pens, as a judgment of God upon this fact, have set forth his future sufferings: and omitting nothing of amplification, they have also delivered this: which notwithstanding Johannes the Greek makes doubtful, as may appear from his Iambicks in Baronius, and might be a mistake or misapplication, translating the affliction of one man upon another, for the same befell unto Johannes Cappadox,Procop. Bell. Persic. 1. Ἀρτον ἠ ὀβολὸν αἰτεῖσθαι. contemporary unto Belisarius, and in great favour with Justinian; who being afterward banished into Egypt, was fain to beg relief on the high-way.
2. That fluctus Decumanus, or the tenth wave is greater and more dangerous than any other, some no doubt will be offended if we deny; and hereby we shall seem to contradict Antiquity; for, answerable unto the litteral and common acception, the same is averred by many Writers, and plainly described by Ovid.
Qui venit hic fluctus, fluctus supereminet omnes,
Posterior nono est, undecimoq; prior.
Which notwithstanding is evidently false; nor can it be made out by observation either upon the shore or the Ocean, as we have with diligence explored in both. And surely in vain we expect a regularity in the waves of the Sea, or in the particular motions thereof, as we may in its general reciprocations whose causes are constant, and effects therefore correspondent. Whereas its fluctuations are but motions subservient; which winds, storms, shores, shelves, and every interjacency irregulates. With semblable reason we might expect a regularity in the winds; whereof though some be statary, some anniversary, and the rest do tend to determinate points of heaven, yet do the blasts and undulary breaths thereof maintain no certainty in their course; nor are they numerally feared by Navigators.
Of affinity hereto is that conceit of Ovum Decumanum, so called, because the tenth egg is bigger than any other, according unto the reason alledged by Festus, Decumana ova dicuntur, quia ovum decimum majus nascitur. For the honour we bear unto the Clergy, we cannot but wish this true: but herein will be found no more of verity than in the other: and surely few will assent hereto without an implicite credulity, or Pythagorical submission unto every conception of number.
For, surely the conceit is numeral, and though not in the sense apprehended, relateth unto the number of ten, as Franciscus Sylvius hath most probably declared. For, whereas amongst simple numbers or Digits, the number of ten is the greatest: therefore whatsoever was the greatest in every kind, might in some sense be named from this number. Now, because also that which was the greatest, was metaphorically by some at first called Decumanus; therefore whatsoever passed under this name, was literally conceived by others to respect and make good this number.
The conceit is also Latin; for the Greeks to express the greatest wave, do use the number of three, that is, the word τρικυμία, which is a concurrence of three waves in one, whence arose the proverb, τρικυμία κακῶν, or a trifluctuation of evils, which Erasmus doth render, Malorum fluctus Decumanus. And thus, although the terms be very different, yet are they made to signifie the self-same thing; the number of ten to explain the number of three, and the single number of one wave the collective concurrence of more.
3. The poyson of Parysatis reported from Ctesias by Plutarch in the life of Artaxerxes, whereby anointing a knife on the one side, and therewith dividing a bird; with the one half she poysoned Statira, and safely fed her self on the other, was certainly a very subtile one, and such as our ignorance is well content it knows not. But surely we had discovered a poyson that would not endure Pandoraes box, could we be satisfied in that which for its coldness nothing could contain but an Asses hoof, and wherewith some report that Alexander the great was poysoned. Had men derived so strange an effect from some occult or hidden qualities, they might have silenced contradiction; but ascribing it unto the manifest and open qualities of cold, they must pardon our belief, who perceive the coldest and most Stygian waters may be included in glasses; and by Aristotle who saith, that glass is the perfectest work of Art, we understand they were not then to be invented.
And though it be said that poyson will break a Venice glass, yet have we not met with any of that nature. Were there a truth herein, it were the best preservative for Princes and persons exalted unto such fears: and surely far better than divers now in use. And though the best of China dishes, and such as the Emperour doth use, be thought by some of infallible vertue unto this effect; yet will they not, I fear, be able to elude the mischief of such intentions. In what sense God Almighty hath created all things double. And though also it be true, that God made all things double, and that if we look upon the works of the most High, there are two and two, one against another; that one contrary hath another, and poyson is not without a poyson unto it self; yet hath the curse so far prevailed, or else our industry defected that poysons are better known than their Antidotes, and some thereof do scarce admit of any. And lastly, although unto every poyson men have delivered many Antidotes, and in every one is promised an equality unto its adversary, yet do we often find they fail in their effects: Moly will not resist a weaker cup then that of Circe; a man may be poysoned in a Lemnian dish; without the miracle of John, there is no confidence in the earth of Paul;Terra Melitea. and if it be meant that no poyson could work upon him, we doubt the story, and expect no such success from the diet of Mithridates.
A story there passeth of an Indian King, that sent unto Alexander a fair woman fed with Aconites and other poysons, with this intent, either by converse or copulation complexionally to destroy him. For my part, although the design were true, I should have doubted the success. For, though it be possible that poysons may meet with tempers whereto they may become Aliments, and we observe from fowls that feed on fishes, and others fed with garlick and onyons, that simple aliments are not alwayes concocted beyond their vegetable qualities; and therefore that even after carnall conversion, poysons may yet retain some portion of their natures; yet are they so refracted, cicurated and subdued, as not to make good their first and destructive malignities. And therefore the Stork that eateth Snakes, and the Stare that feedeth upon Hemlock, though no commendable aliments, are not destructive poysons. For, animals that can innoxiously digest these poysons, become antidotall unto the poyson digested. And therefore whether their breath be attracted, or their flesh ingested, the poysonous reliques go still along with their Antidote: whose society will not permit their malice to be destructive. And therefore also animals that are not mischieved by poysons which destroy us, may be drawn into Antidote against them; the blood or flesh of Storks against the venom of Serpents, the Quail against Hellebore, and the diet of Starlings against the drought of Socrates.Hemlock. Upon like grounds are some parts of Animals Alexipharmacall unto others; and some veins of the earth, and also whole regions, not only destroy the life of venemous creatures, but also prevent their productions. For though perhaps they contain the seminals of Spiders and Scorpions, and such as in other earths by suscitiation of the Sun may arise unto animation; yet lying under command of their Antidote, without hope of emergency they are poysoned in their matrix by powers easily hindring the advance of their originals, whose confirmed forms they are able to destroy.
5. The story of the wandring Jew is very strange, and will hardly obtain belief; yet is there a formall account thereof set down by Mathew Paris, from the report of an Armenian Bishop; who came into this kingdom about four hundred years ago, and had often entertained this wanderer at his Table. That he was then alive, was first called Cartaphilus, was keeper of the Judgement Hall, whence thrusting out our Saviour with expostulation of his stay, was condemned to stay untill his return;Vade quid moraris? Ego vado, tu autem morare donec venio. was after baptized by Ananias, and by the name of Joseph; was thirty years old in the dayes of our Saviour, remembred the Saints that arised with him, the making of the Apostles Creed, and their several peregrinations. Surely were this true, he might be an happy arbitrator in many Christian controversies; but must impardonably condemn the obstinacy of the Jews, who can contemn the Rhetorick of such miracles, and blindly behold so living and lasting conversions.
6. Clearer confirmations must be drawn for the history of Pope Joan, who succeeded Leo the fourth, and preceeded Benedict the third, then many we yet discover. And since it is delivered with aiunt and ferunt by many;Confutatio fabulæ de Joanna Papissa cum Nihusio. since the learned Leo Allatius hath discovered, that ancient copies of Martinus Polonus, who is chiefly urged for it, had not this story in it; since not only the stream of Latine Historians have omitted it, but Photius the Patriarch, Metrophanes Smyrnæus, and the exasperated Greeks have made no mention of it, but conceded Benedict the third to bee Successor unto Leo the fourth; he wants not grounds that doubts it.
Many things historicall which seem of clear concession, want not affirmations and negations, according to divided pens: as is notoriously observable in the story of Hildebrand or Gregory the seventh, repugnantly delivered by the Imperiall and Papal party. In such divided records partiality hath much depraved history, wherein if the equity of the reader do not correct the iniquity of the writer, he will be much confounded with repugnancies, and often find in the same person, Numa and Nero.Of Luther, Calvin, Beza. In things of this nature moderation must intercede; and so charity may hope, that Roman Readers will construe many passages in Bolsech, Fayus, Schlusselberg and Cochlæus.
7. Every ear is filled with the story of Frier Bacon,Rog. Bacon. minor ita. Oxoniensis vir doctissimus. that made a brazen head to speak these words, Time is, Which though there want not the like relations, is surely too literally received, and was but a mystical fable concerning the Philosophers great work, wherein he eminently laboured: implying no more by the copper head, then the vessel wherein it was wrought, and by the words it spake, then the opportunity to be watched, about the Tempus ortus, or birth of the mystical child, or Philosophical King of Lullius: the rising of the Terra foliata of Arnoldus, when the earth sufficiently impregnated with the water, ascendeth white and splendent. Which not observed, the work is irrecoverably lost; according to that of Petrus Bonus. Margarita pretiosa. Ibi est operis perfectio aut annihilatio; quoniam ipsa die, immo horâ, oriuntur elementa simplicia depurata, quæ egent statim compositione, antequam volent ab igne.
Now letting slip this critical opportunity, he missed the intended treasure. Which had he obtained, he might have made out the tradition of making a brazen wall about England. That is, the most powerfull defence, and strongest fortification which Gold could have effected.
8. Who can but pitty the vertuous Epicurus, who is commonly conceived to have placed his chief felicity in pleasure and sensual delights, and hath therefore left an infamous name behind him? How true, let them determine who read that he lived seventy years, and wrote more books then any Philosopher but Chrysippus, and no less then three hundred, without borrowing from any Author. That he was contented with bread and water, and when he would dine with Jove, and pretend unto epulation, he desired no other addition then a piece of Cytheridian cheese. That shall consider the words of Seneca, Non dico, quod pleriq; nostrorum, sectam Epicuri flagitiorum magistrum esse: sed illud dico, malè audit infamis est, et immerito. Or shall read his life, his Epistles, his Testament in Laertius, who plainly names them Calumnies, which are commonly said against them.
The ground hereof seems a mis-apprehension of his opinion, who placed his Felicity not in the pleasures of the body, but the mind, and tranquility thereof, obtained by wisdom and vertue, as is clearly determined in his Epistle unto Menœceus. Now how this opinion was first traduced by the Stoicks, how it afterwards became a common belief, and so taken up by Authors of all ages, by Cicero, Plutarch, Clemens, Ambrose and others, De vita et moribus Epicuri.the learned Pen of Gassendus hath discovered.
