Читать книгу: «From his shadow to his darkness. Story of a downfall», страница 3

Chapter 2

“Why all this hate? Why all this jealousy? Why Paul?”

The disenchantment full inside this passionate tirade had me imprisoned in a unique ambiguity at the beginning of a day I was expecting to be sunny and joyful. It got me to sink inside a huge confusion and left me with a difficult decision to make: which attitude should I have knowing that the author of this question was eventually talking alone even though he addressed me expressively and directly? I was facing a high risk of an incorrect judgment, taking the responsibility to respond could even worsen the psychological condition of this man already full of disappointment. Adding to the fact that consoling and reassuring people was not my biggest qualities, it was hard to pretend to have the solution to calm this kind of metabolism possessed by violent doubts. So I turned dumb, my mouth paralyzed, static like one of those Madame tusseauds celebrity’s statues. I was once again displaying my lack of valor, but what else could I do; the level of his disillusion was too high!

“Did you read this bullshit?” He added while pointing me to a newspaper, the damned edition which had surely suffered a lot on his hands when he was expressing his anger towards the editors. The scene made me remember a childhood memory; his displeasure was as high as the disappointment of my mother whenever she found out that the home duty he assigned to me in the morning before leaving the house wasn’t complete upon her arrival after her harsh job activities.

I replied to him with silence once more, and it had become very uncomfortable. The vigor of this last question was forcing me to give an answer even if it was a lame one, plus his depressed attitude after my voiceless reply got me into a strange shame. The reaction became a necessity; he was, therefore, displaying a pitiful sadness that made me feel as if I was deliberately refusing to console him. I was now willing to say something, but what could I say? I didn’t even read that article. I barely read tabloid and generally, every opposition’s media channel. In fact, for me, reading those newspapers was masochistic and useless, just a big waste of time. Like many civil servants and workers in public administration, knowing the hate that they exhibited towards the government and the establishment, I had always viewed those media as horrible vultures.

“No sir, I hadn’t read it yet,” I said with much delicacy. After my answer, his body language displayed dissatisfaction that I confusedly took as a deception towards my obvious lack of interest for the press. But in fact, he was just implicitly expressing the loneliness he felt, now that he could not count on sincere support from me. I really felt bad, his sadness became mine, my antipathy towards these people turned me into an incompetent and an unskilled advisor, and I couldn’t blame the ignorance. I was now regretting not to have read that article and to have always treated these media like a virus to avoid. Even though I disliked those tabloids, consulting them from time to time was also supposed to be a part of my professional duties, so I was reproachful. A profound sorrow touched me during the long second of silence that took place later on. Coming to see him early in the morning was finally not a good idea, I was now blaming my politeness, my intentions were to greet him and wish him a good day. But, it would have been preferable for me to stay in my office, I would have avoided this incongruous situation. The Herald’s article put him in a terrible mood; it was awful to witness!

“Those people are accusing me of any bad things, calling me names, can you imagine that in one article, they said that I was the joker of the president?” He said with a mix of irritation and discontent on his face. His detestation to that tabloid was furious; he was cursing the entire Herald organization, wishing hell for every single person working for that newspaper, from its general manager to its distributors.

“That’s terrible sir,” I reacted timorously after his complaints. My reply could have been better; it sounded like a lame effort to show my commiseration and displayed my deficient vocabulary when it comes to word of compassion; but after being soundless during his previous cries, I needed to say something to prove my concern and end the uncomfortable silence that was occurring. However, I was still hoping to console him a little, but the unhappiness on his face grew even bigger, he was now captive into darkness and sunk into obscure resentment.

“The worst is that they pretend that the charity event was nothing more than useless propaganda and that I was using these poor populations for my political ambitions. For them, I did nothing to change their situation, so what did they ever do for these Waloua people? Have they ever helped them?” He said while shaking his head in piteous distress. I was witnessing a hurting picture presenting a betrayed man, full of love for people but permanently subject to hate and jealousy. “Can’t you people see he is doing all he can for this country?” I said while crying in my heart.

He was then flaunting the distress of a child abandoned in the street by his careless parents and obliged to push passers-by to look at him pitifully while displaying his goodness as moral caution and proof the injustice he was enduring. Every human has weaknesses and limitations, among them, the ones we all shared our feelings and death, but the most powerful one will always be popular, no one would ever claim to dictate people’s sincere opinions until they reach a unanimity. Even God has haters, so who is the human being who can be loved by everybody? Mister Agbwala was a human like all of us, even though he was unique and great in our eyes, he had to accept to be criticize like everybody on this earth even if in my point of view those criticisms were abusive. As a close witness of his political venture since many years, I thought he was strong enough to face hate and jealousy, but I had before my eyes, this morning, the demonstration that nobody can be strong enough against these nuisances. I was deeply sorry for him; it was painful to stay powerless and condemned to only wish him to be continuing his mission and not abandon.

After using ten minutes to express his anger, suddenly, he began arranging his office before putting the controversial edition of the Herald that turned him moody in his cupboard. This unexpected behavior pleased me, it gave me the impression that he had turned this page and embraced the rest of the day in a better way. I was then hoping that he had definitely considered those media as enemies to stay away from and that he will never give much importance to these tabloids again. The main problem with popular people as he was, is to easily deal with persistent hatred and criticism. As a leader in a country where freedom of speech is supposed to be assured, he also had to tolerate opposition denigrations even if it can be as painful as torture.

Gracefully, my impressions were confirmed two minutes later. Matter of fact his humor switch became brutal even though I felt the premise before. He first started to hum a Papa Wemba song before deciding to play the disc of the Congolese musicians in his DVD. Just as the first song of the CD started playing, I saw him singing and dancing on his chair joyfully as if he was in concert attendance. That was stupefying! How could he so suddenly change his mood from a deep depression to an astonishing enjoyment?

His happiness was so wonderful that my entire person was rapidly contaminated. But my delight didn’t last for very long; shortly after, he shocked me again by asking me a question that made me regret my coming to greet him early in the morning.

“Paul, how far have you gone with the organization of the meeting with strikers?”

“Everything is ready, sir.” I reacted quickly.

I wasn’t expecting such a serious topic in this thoughtless atmosphere it had immersed us in for five minutes but fortunately, the promptitude of my reaction to his question cover my stun. So he could make himself comfortable, sip some Martini, listen to some good music, sing, dance, put his company in a tranquil ambiance and then bring out a grave subject, all in a short time!

Since about two weeks, I had been avoiding discussing this matter with him. In fact, the whole week, I had skillfully dodged every single occasion to be alone with him. Alas, I was once again caught up by my habits; I innocently came to his office forgetting this concern.

Mister Minister assigned me the tricky mission of rearranging a meeting with a group of strikers who were threatening to provoke riot if we didn’t treat their requests with more consideration. This was previously the main issue we were focused on before the Herald brought out their accusation about supposed corruption in our administration. After the parliament approved the memorable and controversial labor law proposed by Mister Bottom, the Minister of National Labor, every trade union of our country expressed their dissatisfaction towards what they considered as unfair, as colonialism and slavery, but most of them did not turn their frustration into concrete actions with strike and limited their battle at the level of media. Unfortunately, among those few who showed a ruder reaction by going on the street, there was an organization under our responsibility: the Teacher’s Trade Union. The worst was that this association became the most active one and was gaining more and more support from the population as time was passing, for many citizens they were only expressing louder what people really think about the government. This popular approval they benefit was a serious challenge for us and especially for the minister who had always considered himself as the people’s hero. He was in a complicated situation; he had to choose his side between following people opinion on this law or supporting his colleague and the government he was working for. Regrettably, he followed his work obligation instead of his heart. I was, therefore, prepared to see his popularity decline, I even intended to warn him and advised him on staying loyal to people view but he insisted that his hands were tight. This situation was treacherous for him, I couldn’t leave things goes that way, so I presented him a judicious plan that could satisfy everybody, But he found it difficult to follow and refused to take it into consideration. His attitude really deceived me, he abandoned me with much apprehensions and frustrations by not even doing a small effort to make my brilliant ideas his. However, after that, I hoped that with the revelations of the Herald and all the other problems that came with it, he would change his decision and follow my advice. But sadly, he was just from destroying my last hopes this morning; I had no other choice than to do as he planned.

Despite my obvious lack of enthusiasm to follow his plan, I succeeded some days before to establish the first contact with the protestors. My dynamic colleague Christian noticed that he and one of them used to go to the same church, naturally, we used him as a liaison. So as I went out of mister minister office, I rushed to discuss the evolution of our plan with the young man hoping to catch him at his place, as he was most of the time assigned to activities in schools. I was lucky to meet him right at the corridor while he was preparing to leave his office into its ordinary wilderness. I discovered him in good company, Caroline, the new intern, was accompanying him with the goodness and devotion characteristic of every temporary staff. They were walking friendly; she was listening to him with much attention, and he was giving her some guidance for better work performance. Christian was literally glowing with happiness, and all this was because of the seductive prettiness of Caroline, it was so obvious that the young lady pleased him; I had never seen him cheerful like this before. I had a good opinion about him, for me he was a sincere and honest guy, a gifted, good worker with much value, and really disciplined person. Colleagues used to say that his good manners and his value were natural compensation for his unpleasant physique: he was thin, his dressing style was strange, and that he got a cuckold look. For me, they were just haters.

When I saw the way he and Caroline were enjoying working together, I started to imagine them as an eventual couple, in fact, that idea became interesting in my head: as the mentor and protector of this new intern, I preferred to see her dating a good guy like him than one these vicious people of this office. So I decided to cleverly push Christian to declare his obvious attraction to the lady soon and pray that a love affair begins between them soon.

“Hello young guys, I hope everything is going on well in the training? Caroline, is he taking good care of you?” I asked paternally.

“Good morning Paul, I am taking good care of her,” Christian replied instantly even though the question was not directly addressed to him. And soon, she will be capable to manage the communication process in school, he added while eyeing the lady as if he was expecting support from her. Hopefully, for him, she didn’t hesitate to promptly bear his affirmations.

“Yeah, Mister Paul, things are going perfectly, I am learning fast, my trainer is skilled.” She stated with a passion that made Christian go red in the face.

“Oh, ok, that’s good. I’m glad that your assimilation came so swiftly, keep on being so hardworking, that’s a great job Christian,” I added while approving with my head.

They were now looking each other with a mix of passion and smile, which made me suspect that the love affair I was planning to provoke had already started for long ago. Their complicity was not normal, their mutual attraction was clear, and if eventually, they were not dating yet; it was unproblematic to predict a passionate romance between the lady with an angelic face and the young executive full of value and very admirable. Even though it was pleasing me to be in this joyful atmosphere, and to see them exchanging lovely look and smiles, I had no other choice than brutally change the ambiance, I could not forget the reason I came to their office, my situation was critical, I needed to urgently discuss apart with Christian on the strikers matter before mister minister call me for an update. It was painful to see them distance each other with unhappiness and to hear the soprano voice of Caroline telling him “see you later”. This was wonderful to witness! In less than a month, their person became so emotionally involved that be separated for long minutes was surely now an awful thing aching to deal with.

“Christian, you will need to contact that man, that contact who’s a member of the teacher’s union. We will have to faster things and organize a meeting with them as soon as possible, mister minister is on my neck about that issue,” I told him curtly.

As if he was still trying to wake softly from a long and sweet sleep in which he had some wonderful dreams, Christian took much time before entering the conversation. However, it was noticeable that even under a horde of emotional feelings he could still give me a part of attention for much professionalism in his character. When he finally recovers from his emotion, he directly noticed that I had unmasked his feelings toward Caroline and drove my concentration to a different subject to feel less embarrassed.

“So he still wants to do as he planned despite all the arguments you showed him?” He said with an annoyed look.

“I’m telling you; let’s hope that we will find a point of understanding with their leader and that his popularity will not decrease more after that meeting.”

“I’m not optimistic Paul, the determination of these guys his high.”

Christian shared my view and my apprehension: we were in a weak position but still preparing to go in the enemy’s territory and face real voracious who will surely make not a concession, our worries were understandable!

So we elaborated an approach that will calm the opponent before the meeting by making them feels confident. Regardless of the fact that mister minister did not share our commune conviction and that his behavior toward the strikers till then was rude, this was the best way to reduce the tension before the negotiations.

Christian’s help was praiseworthy, although the matter had not much to do with his department and functions and that he was not a part of the team assigned for the meeting with the protestors, he was still putting a lot of energy and strength of mind in this mission. I was appreciative toward his usual friendship and admiring of his devoutness to work and availability to always assist others. He was a committed workaholic, full of enthusiasm, permanently focus on his job obligations during his office lifetime, not as distracted in conversations or others diversions like some of us used to be. That was the other reason that encouraged me to push him to flirt with Caroline, for me she was the entertainment an over-focus man like him needed, and also a better way to prevent him of one of those bad and materialistic girls out there always ready to ruin a man. A good soul like him must be protected in this world!

That’s why I couldn’t prevent myself from not bringing out that topic some minutes later when we finished elaborating our plan for the meeting.

“Bro, you know you, my brother, tell me, for real, Caroline, you like her right?” I asked him.

He first acted as if he did not understand what I mean before displaying a shy smile. I was expecting an answer but was instead left with a timid attitude from the guy who was actually still trying hard to hide his uncovered crush. I insisted and repeated my question faintly to make him feel at ease and secure, people like him always hesitated before sharing confidential things, one needs to look trustworthy before convinced them.

“I can’t lie, I’m attracted, and she is damn beautiful…”

“But…” I added after perceiving a harsh skepticism on his face. He then started to display the embarrassment of an obeisant child caught doing the wrong thing, my anticipation of his reaction disturbed him as a woman whose nudity had been accidentally exposed to strangers, I was far from being a mind-reader, he was not just capable to hide his feelings toward Caroline.

A silence took place after my reaction, and just at the moment I wanted to add something he finally replied:

“I don’t know… will a pretty girl like her be interested to date a guy like me? She is sweet and graceful; girls like her always date ministers or rich business people.”

“Why being pessimistic, plus you can never know if you don’t take a try. From what I saw she seemed to like you too.”

His lack of self-confidence didn’t surprise me, what can one expect from a disciplined and focus man like him. I couldn’t blame him; all his life was focused on work, and he had surely never been to a nightclub in his whole life none date a girl before. If it is a fact that being a quiet and serious guy is a quality, at some point it can also be a weakness, his lifestyle made him as naïve as a teenager. However, I was still hoping that after our discussion he will find the courage to declare his love to the young lady.

But my hopes reduced the more when him was displaying his inexperience in a love affair in the discussion. By God’s grace, he too finished to note that his attitude was a little embarrassing for an adult and that he was really exposing the fact that he was surely a virgin, hopefully, he jumped in another topic with no transition.

“Did you also read the Herald article on mister minister? Those guys are real suckers, always there to criticize even when it is not needed,” he said.

Even though the said subject was no less boring than his previous stories about his inexperience with girls, at least this was a good way to end the embarrassing atmosphere we were captured in since some minutes. So I also jumped in it with no hesitation:

“I hadn’t, but why this entire buzz? Why all this noise for something so ordinary? They are what they are…” I said with much sorrowfulness.

“Yeah but still that they are just rats. It is true that as opposition they need to criticize the government but when something is good, they also have to appreciate it, that’s unfair what they did to mister minister.”

My reaction made things look as if I had no concern about the unjust treatment mister Agbwala was a victim from the press, but I definitely agree with Christian’s anger, in fact, he was expressing louder my toughs. However, on the contrary of him and many colleagues, I have decided not to pay much attention and give much credit to this press, the result of reading them will always be unfruitful and useless indignation, so why will I kill my happiness for something I can’t change? By yelling at them I would have instead of giving them much importance and help their buzz good for their sales. For a very long time ago I found out that all this frenzy about mister minister was a shameful commercial plan, talking and gossiping about him interested many of my citizens as mister Agbwala was one of the most popular persons in the country, any news gossip on him assured them high sales of newspapers prints. The worst was that whenever they lack information on him because mister minister had always attempted to be transparent and straight, they will not hesitate to create fake one and lie on him with no guilty conscience just to meet up with their business target. I had always wondered on my boss attitude towards these people, if only I was the one to face this kind of denigration and defamation, my reaction would have been rude, straight to the court for defamation of character and defamation. But since he had always wanted to be seen as an angel and good person, something I still found understandable and praiseworthy, he always judged inappropriate to lodge a complaint. He had always cherished his popularity and whenever we succeeded to make him catch the importance of using them, he will then state that this would be deliberately confused as freedom of speech violation by the non-profit organizations. However, his hesitation was more understandable in a way that no politician had ever done such a trial before.

Matter of fact the entire establishment was a victim of this press, so, having a bad opinion and saying rude things about a minister was not shocking originality. But what was special in mister Agbwala case was that even though he was the most popular person in the country, he was also among the short list of rare politician and public personality genuine. For years, these usual attacks and all the previous fake news on him turned me in a strong incredulity about every new scoop and every press organization including serious ones like the Herald; it took me a day before taking seriously their sensational revelation about supposed corruption in our administration, at first when the news came to my ear I thought this was another press strategic article to make good sales.

But among all these media, it was necessary to distinguish between the one that really does their job even if their critics were most the time rude and the one that only specializes in gossip and fake news. The first ones were praiseworthy, our country needed their critic, mister Agbwala good behavior and value could not cover all the scourges in the government. The press was only using the population hate toward their politician as an advantage and for me; it was understandable, even useful. Our citizens hold a grudge against politician since a long time ago and that anger was not ready to end with the mismanagement of public resources that was going on. Nobody had forgotten that this was the main cause of the two major wars that really traumatize generations of citizens and in where about ten thousand of our country people died. Indeed, just about ten years after the independence of our country, two successive putsches occurred with the justification by their authors to act for peace and better economic conditions that civil government couldn’t assure. Many years later our country was still trying to recover of those two military regimes conditions, matter of fact they had been economically worse than a civil one, plus they were autocratic, dictatorial, liberticidal. The worst was their long duration and the fact that they had been successive. Hopefully, as everything always ended, this difficult period also finishes by ending eight years ago with God helps after the last dictator dead. That same year, a free and fair election took place before our first civilian president since a long while been designated. This new era had everybody enthusiastic, but after enjoying democracy and freedom of speech for some time, we noticed that nothing had economic change; the same bad government which was occurring since forty years was still present. These last years the situation was even going worst, the country became highly corrupt, this time not only politician were to blame, in fact, every activity was touched by this scourge, but corruption was also so omnipresent that two years ago we topped the most corrupt countries in the world ranking, such bad publicity! Adding to this corruption, an unemployment rate very elevated and poverty, there were enough reasons to support the deep detestation of the population toward their leaders. That’s why mister minister was so special for me; he was unique, very dissimilar from his colleague. He had always displayed remarkable transparency in his manner of running our administration; he was the only minister who will always communicate and explains his management choices to the citizens. But it was a pity that the press was not taking all this to consider, in fact, they deliberately refused to see it, for a witness of mister Agbwala honesty and good heart, their behavior had always been painful to me. However, I was happy that no matter how rude can be the opposition about him, no matter the frustration; he would still be that good and peaceful leader. That’s why I was afraid that this meeting with the strikers could spoil his image ruder than the denigration campaign he endured.

On the following day, with the help of Christian’s contact, we finally came to an agreement with the strikers concerning the date of the meeting and the place of the debates. As I receive their confirmation I directly informed mister minister and with both decided on the hour of the meeting. Everything was set, but my fears were still high. Even though I succeeded to calm the protestors before the meeting as planned with Christian, I couldn’t get out of my mind the many tragedies that occurred at this event in the past years. Things can really get deteriorated at the end of the meeting depending on the decisions taken by both parties; frustrations can turn to passionate riot. Meeting like this are sensitive, it had been the main cause of numbers of crisis in our country in the past, the latest riot that occurred in the capital city was provoked after a frustrated union demonstrated their anger in the street. Six months ago, a peaceful manifestation organized by drivers’ union unhappy about a new government tax was infiltrated by thugs just an hour after it begins. Although most of the protestors quickly dissociated themselves from these hooligans, things get worse when the first scenes of looting occurred, the police were rapidly sent by the authorities to control the manifestation; the clash was unavoidable, and a peaceful protestation ended in an urban guerilla with hundreds of people killed or injured. Added to this, the riot that occurred in Waloua around this same period, it was logical to have high fears concerning the conclusion of this meeting we were about to hold. That the other party was a teacher’s union, and that teachers are not known for being violent but respectful and diplomatic, could not make me feel secure, a matter of fact, they could also be infiltrated by thugs ready to provoke destructions of public goods and brutality.

Three days later, it was on a sunny morning that we headed to the Okoroka public school which was stated as the place of the meeting. Our delegation comprised two vehicles, mister minister and two colleagues were the passengers in one of them with the presence of a gendarme, me and two other gendarmes were occupying my car. With three gendarmes with us, we were ready for any eventuality. Nevertheless, I still couldn’t feel secure, a somber feeling disturbed me, and I couldn’t stop fearing the horrific drama that could be if the meeting turned into a mess.

We rode slowly, coming closer to the meeting point, as the minutes were passing, anxiety was increasing in us. I could feel my heart beating fast as if it were begging me to run and prevent myself from the tension that was coming forward. When we came to the last yard preceding the school, there was an insecure silence. As I step out of my car, a strange wind touched my skin and provoked goose bumps all over my body; fortunately, my suit was large enough to hide this shame. Just as soon as we penetrated the school, ear-splitting male’s voices welcomed us with much hostility just to show us their passion and fervor. Their vocal aggression aggravated low groans in our group; I was seeing my colleagues trembling like little cats, this was disgraceful!

The more we were progressing across the courtyard, the more the tones of their voices were louder; it was as if they could feel our apprehensiveness and find motivation in it. We were moving like a convoy crossing an arid desert, checking on one another, all fearful like children except one person: mister minister was not displaying any sign of fright, he was instead looking determined. He was slowly and quietly moving forward despite the noise of the protestors. I knew that these people would have physically attacked us if the gendarmes and their huge guns were not there to frighten them. It was surely because of not being able to physically express their hostility that they put their dark excitement in their vocal cords by yelling their anger with much virulence.