Читать книгу: «Homespun Tales», страница 14

“What makes you feel so now, particularly?”

“She’s diff’rent as time goes on. She’s had more letters from that place where her boy is; she cries nights, and though she does n’t relax a mite with her work, she drags about sometimes like a bird with one wing.”

Elder Daniel took off his broadbrimmed hat to cool his forehead and hair, lifting his eyes to the first pale stars that were trembling in the sky, hesitating in silver and then quietly deepening into gold.

Brother Ansel was a Believer because he had no particular love for the world and no great susceptibility to its temptations; but what had drawn Daniel Gray from the open sea into this quiet little backwater of a Shaker Settlement? After an adventurous early life, in which, as if youth-intoxicated, he had plunged from danger to danger, experience to experience, he suddenly found himself in a society of which he had never so much as heard, a company of celibate brothers and sisters holding all goods and possessions in common, and trying to live the “angelic life” on earth. Illness detained him for a month against his will, but at the end of that time he had joined the Community; and although it had been twenty-five years since his gathering in, he was still steadfast in the faith.

His character was of puritanical sternness; he was a strict disciplinarian, and insisted upon obedience to the rules of Shaker life, “the sacred laws of Zion,” as he was wont to term them. He magnified his office, yet he was of a kindly disposition easily approached by children, and not without a quaint old-time humor.

There was a long pause while the two faithful leaders of the little flock were absorbed in thought; then the Elder said: “Susanna’s all you say, and the child, well, if she could be purged of her dross, I never saw a creature better fitted to live the celestial life; but we must not harbor any divided hearts here. When the time comes, we must dismiss her with our blessing.”

“Yee, I suppose so,” said Eldress Abby, loyally, but it was with a sigh. Had she and Tabitha been left to their own instincts, they would have gone out into the highways and hedges, proselyting with the fervor of Mother Ann’s day and generation.

“After all, Abby,” said the Elder, rising to take his leave, still in a sort of mild trance, “after all, Abby, I suppose the Shakers don’t own the whole of heaven. I’d like to think so, but I can’t. It’s a big place, and it belongs to God.”

IX. Love Manifold

The woods on the shores of Massabesic Pond were stretches of tapestry, where every shade of green and gold, olive and brown, orange and scarlet, melted the one into the other. The somber pines made a deep-toned background; patches of sumach gave their flaming crimson; the goldenrod grew rank and tall in glorious profusion, and the maples outside the Office Building were balls of brilliant carmine. The air was like crystal, and the landscape might have been bathed in liquid amber, it was so saturated with October yellow.

Susanna caught her breath as she threw her chamber window wider open in the early morning; for the greater part of the picture had been painted during the frosty night.

“Throw your little cape round your shoulders and come quickly, Sue!” she exclaimed.

The child ran to her side. “Oh, what a goldy, goldy morning!” she cried.

One crimson leaf with a long heavy stem that acted as a sort of rudder, came down to the windowsill with a sidelong scooping flight, while two or three gayly painted ones, parted from the tree by the same breeze, floated airily along as if borne on unseen wings, finally alighting on Sue’s head and shoulders like tropical birds.

“You cried in the night, Mardie!” said Sue. “I heard you snifferling and getting up for your hank’chief; but I did n’t speak ‘cause it’s so dreadful to be catched crying.”

“Kneel down beside me and give me part of your cape,” her mother answered. “I’m going to let my sad heart fly right out of the window into those beautiful trees.”

“And maybe a glad heart will fly right in!” the child suggested.

“Maybe. Oh! we must cuddle close and be still; Elder Gray’s going to sit down under the great maple; and do you see, all the Brothers seem to be up early this morning, just as we are?”

“More love, Elder Gray!” called Issachar, on his way to the toolhouse.

“More love, Brother Issachar!”

“More love, Brother Ansel!”

“More love, Brother Calvin!”

“More love!.... More love!.... More love!” So the quaint but not uncommon Shaker greeting passed from Brother to Brother; and as Tabitha and Martha and Rosetta met on their way to dairy and laundry and seed-house, they, too, hearing the salutation, took up the refrain, and Susanna and Sue heard again from the women’s voices that beautiful morning wish, “More love! More love!” speeding from heart to heart and lip to lip.

Mother and child were very quiet.

“More love, Sue!” said Susanna, clasping her closely.

“More love, Mardie!” whispered the child, smiling and entering into the spirit of the salutation. “Let’s turn our heads Farnham way! I’ll take Jack and you take Fardie, and we’ll say togedder, ‘More love’; shall we?”

“More love, John.”

“More love, Jack.”

The words floated out over the trees in the woman’s trembling voice and the child’s treble.

“Elder Gray looks tired though he’s just got up,” Sue continued.

“He is not strong,” replied her mother, remembering Brother Ansel’s statement that the Elder “wa’n’t diseased anywheres, but did n’t have no durability.”

“The Elder would have a lovely lap,” Sue remarked presently.

“What?”

“A nice lap to sit in. Fardie has a nice lap, too, and Uncle Joel Atterbury, but not Aunt Louisa; she lets you slide right off; it’s a bony, hard lap. I love Elder Gray, and I climbed on his lap one day. He put me right down, but I’m sure he likes children. I wish I could take right hold of his hand and walk all over the farm, but he would n’t let me, I s’pose.– More love, Elder Gray!” she cried suddenly, bobbing up above the windowsill and shaking her fairy hand at him.

The Elder looked up at the sound of the glad voice. No human creature could have failed to smile back into the roguish face or have treated churlishly the sweet, confident little greeting. The heart of a real man must have an occasional throb of the father, and when Daniel Gray rose from his seat under the maple and called, “More love, child!” there was something strange and touching in his tone. He moved away from the tree to his morning labors with the consciousness of something new to conquer. Long, long ago he had risen victorious above many of the temptations that flesh is heir to. Women were his good friends, his comrades, his sisters; they no longer troubled the waters of his soul; but here was a child who stirred the depths; who awakened the potential father in him so suddenly and so strongly that he longed for the sweetness of a human tie that could bind him to her. But the current of the Elder’s being was set towards sacrifice and holiness, and the common joys of human life he felt could never and must never be his; so he went to the daily round, the common task, only a little paler, a little soberer than was his wont.

“More love, Martha!” said Susanna when she met Martha a little later in the day.

“More love, Susanna!” Martha replied cheerily. “You heard our Shaker greeting, I see! It was the beautiful weather, the fine air and glorious colors, that brought the inspiration this morning, I guess! It took us all out of doors, and then it seemed to get into the blood. Besides, tomorrow’s the Day of Sacrifice, and that takes us all on to the mountaintops of feeling. There have been times when I had to own up to a lack of love.”

“You, Martha, who have such wonderful influence over the children, such patience, such affection!”

“It was n’t always so. When I was first put in charge of the children, I did n’t like the work. They did n’t respond to me somehow, and when they were out of my sight they were ugly and disobedient. My natural mother, Maria Holmes, took care of the girls’ clothing. One day she said to me, ‘Martha, do you love the girls?’

“‘Some of them are very unlovely,’ I replied.

“‘I know that,’ she said, ‘but you can never help them unless you love them.’

“I thought mother very critical, for I strove scrupulously to do my duty. A few days after this the Elder said to me: ‘Martha, do you love the girls?’ I responded, ‘Not very much.’

“‘You cannot save them unless you love them,’ he said. Then I answered, ‘I will labor for a gift of love.’

“When the work of the day was over, and the girls were in bed, I would take off my shoes and spend several hours of the night walking the floor, kneeling in prayer that I might obtain the coveted gift. For five weeks I did this without avail, when suddenly one night when the moon was full and I was kneeling by the window, a glory seemed to overshadow the crest of a high mountain in the distance. I thought I heard a voice say: ‘Martha, I baptize you into the spirit of love!’ I sat there trembling for more than an hour, and when I rose, I felt that I could love the meanest human being that ever walked the earth. I have never had any trouble with children since that night of the vision. They seem different to me, and I dare say I am different to them.”

“I wish I could see visions!” exclaimed Susanna. “Oh, for a glory that would speak to me and teach me truth and duty! Life is all mist, whichever way I turn. I’d like to be lifted on to a high place where I could see clearly.”

She leaned against the frame of the open kitchen door, her delicate face quivering with emotion and longing, her attitude simplicity and unconsciousness itself. The baldest of Shaker prose turned to purest poetry when Susanna dipped it in the alembic of her own imagination.

“Labor for the gift of sight!” said Martha, who believed implicitly in spirits and visions. “Labor this very night.”

It must be said for Susanna that she had never ceased laboring in her own way for many days. The truth was that she felt herself turning from marriage. She had lived now so long in the society of men and women who regarded it as an institution not compatible with the highest spiritual development that unconsciously her point of view had changed; changed all the more because she had been so unhappy with the man she had chosen. Curiously enough, and unfortunately enough for Susanna Hathaway’s peace of mind, the greater aversion she felt towards the burden of the old life, towards the irksomeness of guiding a weaker soul, towards the claims of husband on wife, the stronger those claims appeared. If they had never been assumed!—Ah, but they had; there was the rub! One sight of little Sue sleeping tranquilly beside her; one memory of rebellious, faulty Jack; one vision of John, either as needing or missing her, the rightful woman, or falling deeper in the wiles of the wrong one for very helplessness;—any of these changed Susanna the would-be saint, in an instant, into Susanna the wife and mother.

“Speak to me for Thy Compassion’s sake,” she prayed from the little book of Confessions that her mother had given her. “I will follow after Thy Voice!”

“Would you betray your trust?” asked conscience.

“No, not intentionally.”

“Would you desert your post?”

“Never, willingly.”

“You have divided the family; taken a little quail bird out of the home-nest and left sorrow behind you. Would God justify you in that?”

For the first time Susanna’s “No” rang clearly enough for her to hear it plainly; for the first time it was followed by no vague misgivings, no bewilderment, no unrest or indecision. “I turn hither and hither; Thy purposes are hid from me, but I commend my soul to Thee!”

Then a sentence from the dear old book came into her memory: “And thy dead things shall revive, and thy weak things shall be made whole.”

She listened, laying hold of every word, till the nervous clenching of her hands subsided, her face relaxed into peace. Then she lay down beside Sue, creeping close to her for the warmth and comfort and healing of her innocent touch, and, closing her eyes serenely, knew no more till the morning broke, the Sabbath morning of Confession Day.

X. Brother and Sister

If Susanna’s path had grown more difficult, more filled with anxieties, so had John Hathaway’s. The protracted absence of his wife made the gossips conclude that the break was a final one. Jack was only half contented with his aunt, and would be fairly mutinous in the winter, while Louisa’s general attitude was such as to show clearly that she only kept the boy for Susanna’s sake.

Now and then there was a terrifying hint of winter in the air, and the days of Susanna’s absence seemed eternal to John Hathaway. Yet he was a man about whom there would have been but one opinion: that when deprived of a rather superior and high-minded wife and the steadying influence of home and children, he would go completely “to the dogs,” whither he seemed to be hurrying when Susanna’s wifely courage failed. That he had done precisely the opposite and the unexpected thing, shows us perhaps that men are not on the whole as capable of estimating the forces of their fellow men as is God the maker of men, who probably expects something of the worst of them up to the very last.

It was at the end of a hopeless Sunday when John took his boy back to his aunt’s towards night. He wondered drearily how a woman dealt with a ten-year-old boy who from sunrise to sunset had done every mortal thing he ought not to have done, and had left undone everything that he had been told to do; and, as if to carry out the very words of the church service, neither was there any health in him; for he had an inflamed throat and a whining, irritable, discontented temper that could be borne only by a mother, a father being wholly inadequate and apparently never destined for the purpose.

It was a mild evening late in October, and Louisa sat on the porch with her pepper-and-salt shawl on and a black wool “rigolette” tied over her head. Jack, very sulky and unresigned, was dispatched to bed under the care of the one servant, who was provided with a cupful of vinegar, salt, and water, for a gargle. John had more than an hour to wait for a returning train to Farnham, and although ordinarily he would have preferred to spend the time in the silent and unreproachful cemetery rather than in the society of his sister Louisa, he was too tired and hopeless to do anything but sit on the steps and smoke fitfully in the semidarkness. Louisa was much as usual. She well knew—who better?—her brother’s changed course of life, but neither encouragement nor compliment were in her line. Why should a man be praised for living a respectable life? That John had really turned a sort of moral somersault and come up a different creature, she did not realize in the least, nor the difficulties surmounted in such a feat; but she did give him credit secretly for turning about face and behaving far more decently than she could ever have believed possible. She had no conception of his mental torture at the time, but if he kept on doing well, she privately intended to inform Susanna and at least give her a chance of trying him again, if absence had diminished her sense of injury. One thing that she did not know was that John was on the eve of losing his partnership. When Jack had said that his father was not going back to the store the next week, she thought it meant simply a vacation. Divided hearts, broken vows, ruined lives she could bear the sight of these with considerable philosophy, but a lost income was a very different, a very tangible thing. She almost lost her breath when her brother knocked the ashes from his meerschaum and curtly told her of the proposed change in his business relations.

“I don’t know what I shall do yet,” he said, “whether I shall set up for myself in a small way or take a position in another concern,—that is, if I can get one—my stock of popularity seems to be pretty low just now in Farnham. I’d move away tomorrow and cut the whole gossipy, deceitful, hypocritical lot of ‘em if I was n’t afraid of closing the house and so losing Susanna, if she should ever feel like coming back to us.”

These words and the thought back of them were too much for John’s self-control. The darkness helped him and his need of comfort was abject. Suddenly he burst out, “Oh, Louisa, for heaven’s sake, give me a little crumb of comfort, if you have any! How can you stand like a stone all these months and see a man suffering as I have suffered, without giving him a word?”

“You brought it on yourself,” said Louisa, in self-exculpation.

“Does that make it any easier to bear?” cried John. “Don’t you suppose I remember it every hour, and curse myself the more? You know perfectly well that I’m a different man today. I don’t know what made me change; it was as if something had been injected into my blood that turned me against everything I had liked best before. I hate the sight of the men and the women I used to go with, not because they are any worse, but because they remind me of what I have lost. I have reached the point now where I have got to have news of Susanna or go and shoot myself.”

“That would be about the only piece of foolishness you have n’t committed already!” replied Louisa, with a biting satire that would have made any man let go of the trigger in case he had gone so far as to begin pulling it.

“Where is she?” John went on, without anger at her sarcasm. “Where is she, how is she, what is she living on, is she well, is she just as bitter as she was at first, does she ever speak of coming back? Tell me something, tell me anything. I will know something. I say I will!”

Louisa’s calm demeanor began to show a little agitation, for she was not used to the sight of emotion. “I can’t tell you where Susanna is, for I made her a solemn promise I would n’t unless you or Jack were in danger of some kind; but I don’t mind telling you this much, that she’s well and in the safest kind of a shelter, for she’s been living from the first in a Shaker Settlement.”

“Shaker Settlement!” cried John, starting up from his seat on the steps. “What’s that? I know Shaker egg-beaters and garden-seeds and rocking-chairs and oh, yes, I remember their religion’s against marriage. That’s the worst thing you could have told me; that ends all hope; if they once get hold of a woman like Susanna, they’ll never let go of her; if they don’t believe in a woman’s marrying a good man, they’d never let her go back to a bad one. Oh, if I had only known this before; if only you’d told me, Louisa, perhaps I could have done something. Maybe they take vows or sign contracts, and so I have lost her altogether.”

“I don’t know much about their beliefs, and Susanna never explained them,” returned Louisa, nervously “but now that you’ve got something to offer her, why don’t you write and ask her to come back to you? I’ll send your letter to her.”

“I don’t dare, Louisa, I don’t dare,” groaned John, leaning his head against one of the pillars of the porch. “I can’t tell you the fear I have of Susanna after the way I’ve neglected her this last year. If she should come in at the gate this minute, I could n’t meet her eyes; if you’d read the letter she left me, you’d feel the same way. I deserved it, to the last word, but oh, it was like so many separate strokes of lightning, and every one of them burned. It was nothing but the truth, but it was cut in with a sharp sword. Unless she should come back to me of her own accord, and she never will, I have n’t got the courage to ask her; just have n’t got the courage, that’s all there is to say about it.” And here John buried his head in his hands.

A very queer thing happened to Louisa Banks at this moment. A half-second before she would have murmured:

    “This rock shall fly From its firm base as soon as I!”

when all at once, and without warning, a strange something occurred in the organ which she had always regarded and her opinion had never yet been questioned as a good, tough, love-tight heart. First there was a flutter and a tremor running all along her spine; then her eyes filled; then a lump rose in her throat and choked her; then words trembled on her tongue and refused to be uttered; then something like a bird—could it have been the highly respectable good-as-new heart?—throbbed under her black silk Sunday waist; then she grew like wax from the crown of her head to the soles of her feet; then in a twinkling, and so unconsciously as to be unashamed of it, she became a sister.

You have seen a gray November morning melt into an Indian summer noon? Louisa Banks was like that, when, at the sight of a man in sore trouble, sympathy was born in her to soften the rockiness of her original makeup.

“There, there, John, don’t be so downhearted,” she stammered, drawing her chair closer and putting her hand on his shoulder. “We’ll bring it round right, you see if we don’t. You’ve done the most yourself already, for I’m proud of the way you’ve acted, stiffening right up like an honest man and showing you’ve got some good sensible Hathaway stuff in you, after all, and ain’t ashamed to turn your back on your evil ways. Susanna ain’t one to refuse forgiveness.”

“She forgave for a long time, but she refused at last. Why should she change now?” John asked.

“You remember she has n’t heard a single word from you, nor about you, in that out-of-the-way place where she’s been living,” said Louisa, consolingly. “She thinks you’re the same as you were, or worse, maybe. Perhaps she’s waiting for you to make some sign through me, for she don’t know that you care anything about her, or are pining to have her back.”

“Such a woman as Susanna must know better than that!” cried John. “She ought to know that when a man got used to living with anybody like her, he could never endure any other kind.”

“How should she know all that? Jack’s been writing to her and telling her the news for the last few weeks, though I have n’t said a word about you because I did n’t know how long your reformation was going to hold out; but I won’t let the grass grow under my feet now, till I tell her just how things stand!”

“You’re a good woman, Louisa; I don’t see why I never noticed it before.”

“It’s because I’ve been concealing my goodness too much. Stay here with me tonight and don’t go back to brood in that dismal, forsaken house. We’ll see how Jack is in the morning, and if he’s all right, take him along with you, so’s to be all there together if Susanna comes back this week, as I kind of hope she will. Make Ellen have the house all nice and cheerful from top to bottom, with a good supper ready to put on the table the night she comes. You’d better pick your asters and take ‘em in for the parlor, then I’ll cut the chrysanthemums for you in the middle of the week. The day she comes I’ll happen in, and stay to dinner if you find it’s going to be mortifying for you; but if everything is as I expect it will be, and the way Susanna always did have things, I’ll make for home and leave you to yourselves. Susanna ain’t one to nag and hector and triumph over a man when he’s repented.”

John hugged Louisa, pepper-and-salt shawl, black rigolette, and all, when she finished this unprecedented speech; and when he went to sleep that night in the old north chamber, the one he and Louisa had been born in, the one his father and mother had died in, it was with a little smile of hope on his lips.

 
  Set her place at hearth and board
  As it used to be!
 

These were the last words that crossed his waking thoughts. Before Louisa went to her own bed, she wrote one of her brief and characteristic epistles to Susanna, but it did not reach her, for the “hills of home” had called John’s wife so insistently on that Sunday, that the next day found her on her way back to Farnham.

Dear Susanna [so the letter read], There’s a new man in your house at Farnham. His name is John Hathaway, but he’s made all over and it was high time. I say it’s the hand of God! He won’t own up that it is, but I’m letting him alone, for I’ve done quarreling, though I don’t like to see a man get religion and deny it, for all the world like Peter in the New Testament. If you have n’t used up the last one of your seventy-times-sevens, I think you’d better come back and forgive your husband. If you don’t, you’d better send for your son. I’m willing to bear the burdens the Lord intends specially for me, but Jack belongs to you, and a good-sized heavy burden he is, too, for his age. I can’t deny that, if he is a Hathaway. I think he’s the kind of a boy that ought to be put in a barrel and fed through the bunghole till he grows up; but of course I’m not used to children’s ways.

Be as easy with John at first as you can. I know you ‘ll say I never was with my husband, but he was different, he got to like a bracing treatment, Adlai did. Many’s the time he said to me, “Louisa, when you make up our minds, I’m always contented.” But John is n’t made that way. He’s a changed man; now, what we’ve got to do is to keep him changed. He does n’t bear you any grudge for leaving him, so he won’t reproach you.

Hoping to see you before long, I am,

Yours as usual,

Louisa Banks.