Читать книгу: «The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 13, No. 353, January 24, 1829», страница 7
THE GATHERER
A snapper up of unconsidered trifles.
SHAKSPEARE.
MEMENTO MORI
Inscribed on a Tombstone.
When you look on my grave,
And behold how they wave,
The cypress, the yew, and the willow,
You think 'tis the breeze
That gives motion to these—
'Tis the laughter that's shaking my pillow.
I must laugh when I see
A poor insect like thee
Dare to pity the fate thou must own;
Let a few moments slide,
We shall lie side by side,
And crumble to dust, bone for bone.
Go, weep thine own doom,
Thou wert born for the tomb—
Thou hast lived, like myself, but to die;
Whilst thou pity'st my lot,
Secure fool, thou'st forgot
Thou art no more immortal than I!
H.B.A
TEA-DRINKING
While the late Mr. Gifford was at Ashburton, he contracted an acquaintance with a family of that place, consisting of females somewhat advanced in age. On one occasion he ventured on the perilous exploit of drinking tea with these elderly ladies. After having swallowed his usual allowance of tea, he found, in spite of his remonstrances to the contrary, that his hostess would by no means suffer him to give up, but persisted in making him drink a most incredible quantity. "At last," said Gifford in telling the story, "being really overflooded with tea, I put down my fourteenth cup, and exclaimed, with an air of resolution, 'I neither can nor will drink any more.' The hostess then seeing she had forced more down my throat than I liked, began to apologize, and added, 'but, dear Mr. Gifford, as you didn't put your spoon across your cup, I supposed your refusals were nothing but good manners.'"
PRECEDENCE
An anecdote is told of a captain in the service, since dead, that whilst carrying out a British ambassador to his station abroad, a quarrel arose on the subject of precedency. High words were exchanged between them on the quarter-deck, when, at length, the ambassador, thinking to silence the captain, exclaimed, "Recollect, sir, I am the representative of his majesty!" "Then, sir," retorted the captain, "recollect that here I am more than majesty itself. Can the king seize a fellow up and give him three dozen?" Further argument was useless—the diplomatist struck.
MARCEL
A lady who had been a pupil of this distinguished professor of dancing, and remained subsequently his steady and zealous friend, succeeded in obtaining for him from the government a pension for life. In her great joy at having such a boon to put into his possession, she advanced to him—the certificate in her hand—with a hurried and anxious step; when M. Marcel, shocked at the style of presentation, struck the paper out of her hand, demanding if she had forgotten his instructions? The lady immediately picked it up, and presented it with due form and grace; on which the accomplished Marcel, the enthusiastic professor of his art, respectfully kissed her hand, and with a profound bow exclaimed, "Now I know my own pupil!"
ACROSTIC
Ccould angel's voice, or poet's lays,
Attune my votice song to praise
Resistless then I'd touch the lyre,
Or chant her praise, whom all admire.
Let candour, dearest maid, excuse;
Iclaim no kindred to the muse,
Nor can a lowly song or mine
Express the worth of Caroline.
A.C.
"JACK OF BOTH SIDES."
This proverb is derived from the Greek, and applied to Theramenes, who was at first a mighty stickler for the thirty tyrants' authority: but when they began to abuse it by defending such outrageous practices, no man more violently opposed it than he; and this (says Potter) got him the nick-name of "Jack of both sides," from Cothurnus, which was a kind of shoe that fitted both feet. P.T.W.
PLAY OF "CAESAR IN EGYPT."
When the pack'd audience from their posts retir'd,
And Julius in a general hiss expir'd,
Sage Booth to Cibber cried, "Compute your gains;
These Egypt dogs, and their old dowdy queens,
But ill requite these habits and these scenes!
To rob Corneille for such a motley piece—
His geese were swans, but, zounds, thy swans are geese."
Rubbing his firm, invulnerable brow,
The bard replied, "The critics must allow,
"'Twas ne'er in Caesar's destiny to run."
Wils bow'd, and bless'd the gay, pacific pun.
Mist's Journal, 1724
FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE
Friendship is like the cobbler's tye,
That binds two soles in unity;
But love is like the cobbler's awl,
That pierces through the soul and all.
W.J
Why is St. Giles's clock like a pelisse, and unlike a cloak?—Because it shows the figure without confining the hands.
"STRICTOR."
CORPORATION LEARNING
The mayor of a country town, conceiving that the word clause was in the plural number, would often talk of a claw in an act of parliament.
A HUNDRED POUND NOTE
The following pathetic soliloquy was found written on the back of a hundred pound note of the National Bank, which passed through our hands lately, and we are sorry we can now add our sympathies to those of our poet on the transitory nature of those sublunary enjoyments:—
"A little while ye hae been mine;
Nae langer can I keep ye;
I fear ye'll ne'er be mine again,
Nor any ither like ye."
Edinburgh Paper
FRENCH.– ENGLISH
At Boulogne
"NOTICE to Informe the gentries: Find Dogs and some to be sold."
At Paris
"M. Boursier, mershant, has the honour to give account at the English and strangers, gentlemen and livings from East Indies, that he takes charge of all species of goods or ventures, and all commissions. Like all kinds of spices and fine eating things: keep likewise a general staple of French and strangers wines, the all in confidence, and the most reasonable prices."
At Boulogne
"Bed and table linen, plate, knives, and forks, also donkies to let. Mangling done here."
In the church al Calais
"Tronc pour les pauvres de L'hôpital."
"Trunk for the poor hospitable."
At Dieppe
French despair
"Quand on a tout perdu et qu'on a plus déspoir
On prend l'devant sa chemise pour sa farie un mouchoir."
The above are all copied verbatim and literatim. J.G.R.
When a Grand Vizier is favourably deposed, that is, without banishing or putting him to death, it is signified to him by a messenger from the Sultan, who goes to his table, and wipes the ink out of his golden pen; this he understands as the sign of dismissal. W.G.C.
TIME
It is the remark of a sensible authoress, (Miss Hawkins,) that every day resembles a trunk which has to be filled; and when we fancy that we have packed it to the uttermost, we shall still find that by good management it might, and would, have held more.—Our quotation is from memory, but correct as to simile and substance; and we consider the remark not less striking than quaint. M.L.B.
