Читать книгу: «The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 19, No. 537, March 10, 1832», страница 7
THE GATHERER
A Mistake.—In consequence of some transposition by which an announcement of the decease of a country clergyman had got inserted amongst the announcements of the marriages in a country paper a few days since, the announcement read thus: "Married the Rev. –, curate of –, to the great regret of all his parishioners, by whom he was universally beloved. The poor will long have cause to lament the unhappy event."
New Bankrupt Court.—One of the inferior judges, whose salaries are, by the Act, to be paid out of the fees, seeing that the whole amount was absorbed by the chief, observed to an associate on the bench, "Upon my word, R–, I begin to think that our appointment is all a matter of moonshine." "I hope it may be so," replied R–, "for then we shall soon see the first quarter."
The same humorous judge had listened to a very long argument on a particular case in which the counsel rested much upon a certain act of parliament. His opponent replied, "You need not rely on that act, for its teeth have been drawn by so many decisions against it, that it is worth nothing." Still the counsel argued on, and insisted on its authority; after listening to which for a good hour, his lordship drily remarked, "I do believe all the teeth of this act have been drawn, for there is nothing left but the jaw."—Literary Gazette.
Criticism.—A print of a wounded leopard is described by a contemporary as "a powerful exhibition of animal agony." Did our critic ever hear of vegetable agony?
Humbug.—A correspondent of the Times says "Every body is not acquainted with the etymology of the word Humbug. It is a corruption of Hamburgh, and originated in the following manner: During a period when war prevailed on the Continent, so many false reports and lying bulletins were fabricated at Hamburgh, that, at length, when any one would signify his disbelief of a statement, he would say, 'You had that from Hamburgh;' and thus, 'That is Hamburgh,' or 'Humbug,' became a common expression of incredulity."
A Clincher.—An American paper says, this is the method of catching tigers in India:—"A man carries a board, on which a human figure is painted; as soon as he arrives at the den, he knocks behind the board with a hammer; the noise rouses the tiger, when he flies in a direct line at the board, and grasps it, and the man behind clinches his claws in the wood, and so secures him."
Franking Letters.—The Princess Augusta asked Lord Walsingham for a frank; he wrote one for her in such detestable characters that, at the end of a week, after having wandered half over England, it was opened, and returned to her as illegible. The Princess complained to Lord Walsingham, and he then wrote the frank for her so legibly, that at the end of a couple of days, it was returned to her, marked "FORGERY."—The Town.
Epigram from Scarron
A Confessor was caugh t'other day rather jolly,
Who observed, "When a man has committed a folly,
If he has any sense left, hastens straightway to me,
When, confessing his guilt, I can soon set him free;
But how hard is my fate! for when wrong I have done,
Absolution's denied me by every one;
In which case, that I may from conscience escape,
Take refuge from thought in the juice of the grape."
M.T
Signs.—To trace the origin of signs would be an amusing relaxation for the Society of Antiquaries. Who could have imagined that "bag o' nails," was a corruption of the Bacchanals, which it evidently is from the rude epigraph still subjoined to the fractured classicism of the title? In the same manner the more modern "Goat and compasses" may be identified with the text of "God encompasseth us," which was a favourite motto amongst the ale-house Puritans.—Blackwood's Magazine.
Half-honesty.—A few nights since a friend gave a hackney-coachman two sovereigns instead of two shillings for his fare; when the coachman turned sharply and said, "Sir, you have given me a sovereign," keeping back the other; for which supposed honesty he was rewarded.
C.D
Proxy.—In 1436, we find the Bishop of Hola, in Iceland, whimsically enough hiring the master of a London merchant ship to sail to Iceland as his proxy, and to perform the necessary visitation of his see; the good prelate dreading in person to encounter the boisterous northern ocean.
T. GILL
Swelled Ankles at a Discount.—In the year 1699, when King William returned from Holland in a state of severe indisposition, he sent for Dr. Radcliffe, and showing him his swollen ankles, while the rest of his body was emaciated, said, "What think you of these?" "Why truly," replied the doctor, "I would not have your majesty's two legs for your three kingdoms." This freedom was never forgiven by the king, and no intercession could ever recover his favour towards Radcliffe.
P.T.W
Judge Rumsey was so excellent a lawyer that he was called the Picklock of the Law.
Commerce and Theft in every age and country have gone regularly together. Commerce accumulates riches, supplies the commodities to be stolen, supplies therefore the temptation, and puts the temptation in the way. Mercury was the God at once of Peace, of Merchants, and of Thieves; and it is not very long since an African king said he designed to send his son to Europe, "to read book and be rogue like white man."
