Читать книгу: «The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 12, No. 332, September 20, 1828», страница 7

THE GATHERER

 
"A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles."
 

SHAKSPEAKE.

STATIONERY LETTER

(For the Mirror.)

TO MR. –, STATIONER, HOLBORN.

SIR,—Sometime ago I wrote to you to send me a ream of foolscap, which I begged might be sent without delay, as it was for the purpose of writing out my Christmas bills. I think you must have forgotten me; and if I do not have the paper soon, I may wear a fool's-cap on account of not having my bills out in time. Mr. –, who, in your absence, must sustain the greatest weight of business, and is, as I may say, the Atlas of your house, was the person I chiefly depended on. As for Mr. –, one of your household, he dresses in royal purple, and being but in a medium way between sickness and health, was drinking imperial when I saw him, and therefore did not in-quire about the business; nor did I choose to come cap in hand to a gentleman that seemed as stately as an elephant, though to my thinking he is a bundle of conceit, all outside show; in short, a piece of lumberhand, on whom I would not waste paper to write him a note.

My journeyman, who is but a demy sort of a chap, will make but a small hand of the bills, and I shall go to pott. You also will be a sufferer, if you post-pone sending my paper, for you shall have neither plate paper,⁷ nor a single crown, no, nor a cartridge of halfpence from me this half year, unless you play your cards better. I have more bills to write out than a bag cap, made of the largest grand eagle you have in your warehouse, could contain; so that I shall look as blue as your sugar-paper, and bestow on you to boot some very ugly prayers, not in single hand, but by thick and thin couples, that will be a fine copy for my young man to take example by, if you disappoint.

Your humble servant, J. J.

RUSTIC SIMPLICITY

A village pastor was examining his parishioners in their Catechism. The first question in the Heidelberg Catechism is this: "What is thy only consolation in life and in death?" A young girl, to whom the pastor put this question, laughed, and would not answer. The priest insisted. "Well, then," said she, at length, "if I must tell you, it is the young shoemaker, who lives in the Rue Agneaux."

TALL PEOPLE

The king of France, being at Calais, sent over an embassador, a verie tall person, upon no other errand but a complement to the king of England. At his audience he appeared in such a light garb, that afterwards the king ask'd Lord-keeper Bacon "what he thought of the French embassador?" He answer'd, "That he was a verie proper man."—"I," his majestie replied, "but what think you of his head-piece? is he a proper man for the office, of an embassador?"—"Sir," returned he, "it appears too often, that tall men are like high houses of four or five stories, wherein commonlie the upper-most room is worst-furnished."

The following anecdote is perfectly indicative of that dry humour which forms what Oxonians call a cool hand:—When Mr. Gurney, afterwards rector of Edgefield, in Norfolk, held a fellowship of Bene't, the master had a desire to get possession of the fellows' garden for himself. The rest of the fellows, resigned their keys, but Gurney resisted both his threats and entreaties, and refused to part with his key. "The other fellows," said the master, "have delivered up their keys."—"Then, master," said Gurney, "pray keep them, and you and I will keep all the other fellows out."—"Sir," continued the master, "am not I your master?"—"Granted," said Gurney, "but am I not your fellow?"

Louis XIV. was such a gourmand, that he would eat at a sitting four platesful of different soups, a whole pheasant, a partridge, a plateful of salad, mutton hashed with garlick, two good sized slices of ham, a dish of pastry, and, afterwards, fruit and sweetmeats. The descendant Bourbons are slandered for having appetites of considerable action; but this appears to have been one of a four or five man power.

A FLASH CARD

C. HAMMOND, Slap Kiksis Builder. Long Sleeve Kicksis got up right, and kept by an artful dodge from visiting the knees, when worn without straps. Trotter Cases, Mud Pipes, and Boot Kiv'ers, carved to fit any Pins, and turned out slap.—(Verbatim et literatim copy.)