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CHAPTER FOUR

Keira wrapped her knuckles against Elliot’s office door. It was open, but she still felt the need to be polite.

“Morning, Keira,” he said, turning over his shoulder to look at her. “Come in, come in.”

Keira entered, taking a seat opposite him. She always felt intimidated by Elliot’s office, like she was a school kid facing the principal.

“Everything okay?” he asked, tipping his gaze up to meet hers.

Keira swallowed the little lump of nerves that always formed in her throat when speaking to her boss. “Yes. I wanted to apologize, actually.”

“For what?” Elliot replied, frowning.

“For the last few weeks since I got back from France. I haven’t been my best.” Now that she’d begun speaking, she wanted to get it all out, and her words spilled off her tongue quickly. “And I know I’ve been avoiding picking a location for the new assignment, I think I just needed time after Cristiano. I was worried, you know? Another assignment, another broken heart. But I should have just been honest rather than avoiding the topic, so I’m sorry.” She took a deep breath, then smiled, feeling satisfied to have finally aired her worries.

“Oh,” Elliot replied, a bit blankly. “To be honest, I hadn’t noticed.”

Keira frowned. “You hadn’t? But you’ve emailed me pretty much every day asking where I wanted to go on my next assignment.”

Elliot shrugged. “I send a lot of emails, Keira. Look, I’m writing one to you as we speak. Guess I don’t need to now.” He clicked some buttons and then folded his arms and looked at her.

There was a long pause. Keira blinked. “Well, what was in the email?”

“Oh yes,” Elliot said, snapping back to attention. “It was about your new assignment abroad.”

“My…” Keira let that sink in. She narrowed her eyes. “You mean you’ve decided where it is?”

They were supposed to consult her! That was the agreement they’d come to, that she’d pick her own locations from now on. Elliot had agreed to it. How could they go back on that now?

“Well, I asked for your input,” Elliot replied simply. “And I didn’t get it so I asked Heather to go ahead and book something anyway. This is a fast-paced environment, Keira. If people don’t get back to me, I’m not going to sit around waiting forever.”

He sounded completely emotionless. But Keira felt totally betrayed. Not only did they exploit her heart for entertainment, but now they were going back on their word? Frustration boiled inside of her.

“Where are you sending me?” she asked in a clipped voice.

Elliot looked at his watch. “I’ll tell you in the team meeting.” Then he clapped his hands. “Come on.”

Keira’s head spun from her talk with Elliot. It hadn’t gone how she’d expected at all. She watched Elliot waltz from the room, her mind reeling. Had he forgotten their arrangement or did he just not care? And what about Nina? She, at the very least, should have known not to plow ahead without Keira’s consent! She was supposed to be Keira’s friend, be on her side, but as she progressed through the Viatorum ranks she’d started siding more and more with Elliot.

Dazed, Keira stood and followed Elliot from the room, into the adjoining conference room. Other writers had started to file in, coffees in hand, and take seats. Keira realized that there were yet more new faces among them. She’d been so cloistered in her own office for the last few weeks she hadn’t even noticed or bothered to speak to any of them. She felt guilty about that now. It wasn’t that long ago that she was a brand new writer here, desperate for assurance and friendship. She resolved to try harder.

“How’s everyone doing today?” she asked a group of newbies, directing her question at a young woman with long braided hair and a septum ring.

The girl blinked, as though shocked Keira was speaking to her. “Good,” she said in a high-pitched squeak. “It’s assignment day, so I’m looking forward to finding out my new assignment.”

The rest of the group just nodded. One of them even blushed. Keira had never had such an effect on people before. It was easy to forget that she was in a senior role here, that she was a writer who breezed in to meetings and then was out of the office for weeks at a time. They probably thought of her what she thought of Elliot, or of Lance once upon a time. It was the most peculiar feeling.

“I’m Keira, by the way,” she said, reaching out to shake the girl’s hand.

“Yes, I know,” the girl said. “I’m Meredith.” She had a warm smile.

Keira took a seat beside her. “You’re new, right?”

“Ish,” Meredith replied. “I started while you were in France.” She looked suddenly shy. “I loved your article, by the way.”

“Oh,” Keira said, “thanks. I’m kinda trying to move on from all that.”

“All what? You mean Romance Guru articles?” Meredith’s eyes widened. “You can’t! They’re amazing!”

Keira didn’t have time to reply because Elliot began the meeting.

She felt a pit of dread open up in her stomach. Whatever they had planned for her, she had to be strong. If she didn’t want to do it, she’d quit. It was that simple. Though of course, easier said than done.

“Let’s start with a huge round of applause for Meredith,” Elliot started. “Her New York City graffiti tour e-article was a smash hit.”

Everyone clapped and Meredith beamed. Keira felt happy for her. When she’d started at the magazine, it had been under Joshua’s command. He made everyone feel like a failure. The work environment was much better now, much more supportive.

Elliot continued. “Next, I think you’re all interested to know where our Romance Guru is off to for our special December publication.”

“Lapland?” one of the new kids said.

“See if she can seduce Santa,” a fresh-faced boy added.

Everyone laughed. Everyone but Keira.

“No,” Elliot said. “We decided on something a little different.”

This was it. Crunch time. Every muscle in Keira’s body tensed.

“We’re sending her on a cruise of Scandinavia. This time, the assignment is to prove that someone suffering from a breakup can avoid a knee-jerk rebound affair. This time, we want our Guru to not fall in love.”

Keira was stunned. She’d had the words I quit waiting on the tip of her tongue, but now she had to swallow them down.

“Impossible,” the fresh-faced joker from before said. “She’ll fall for the tour guide, and you all know it.”

He was teasing, of course, but Keira was in too much shock to pay him any attention at all.

“Which is why we’re not having a tour guide,” Elliot added. He looked at Keira. “You have fifteen days. Other than the course of the ship – which will take you through Denmark, Finland, and Sweden – the rest is up to you. You’ll be navigating yourself entirely.”

Keira was lost for words. As it began to sink in, she felt her worries melt away. She wasn’t going to be expected to bruise her heart this time! Sure, she would still have to dig deep and make her article personal, but she wouldn’t need to put herself on the line.

The joker had one last quip to make. “So, basically she’s just writing a travel article?”

Everyone laughed. But Keira only had one thing to say, only one word to describe what her mind was imagining; the Northern Lights, fjords, snow-capped mountains, and meatballs galore! Finally, she managed to untie her tongue. “Wow.”

CHAPTER FIVE

Keira was filled with excitement as she hurried into Bryn’s apartment after work that evening. Her sister wasn’t yet home, so there was no one to tell her news to. Instead, she rummaged beneath Bryn’s bed for her trusty suitcase, surprised that she was so pleased to be packing it once again. She’d been utterly convinced she never wanted to do this again, and yet here she was, thrilled to be traveling abroad for work once more.

Her phone pinged a message then, and she looked to see it was from her mom.

What’s the difference between a cortado and a flat-white?

Keira laughed and called Mallory’s number. As soon as Mallory answered, she began talking about coffee, clearly assuming that to be the purpose of her daughter’s call.

“I mean is it just the cup size? It has to be more than that, doesn’t it?” she mused aloud.

“Mom, I’m going abroad again,” Keira said, paying no attention to the coffee conversation.

“You are?” Mallory said, sounding surprised. “But I thought you were putting your foot down about the Romance Guru articles.”

“I was,” Keira said, sitting on the edge of Bryn’s bed with a light sigh. “But this one is different.”

“In what way?”

“The whole point is to not rebound this time. I mean, it’s exactly what I need, don’t you think? A chance to work on myself. To be alone. I’ve jumped from one guy to the next for too long now.”

“When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow. Typical Viatorum can’t give me more than a day’s notice of anything.”

There was a slight pause. “Well, I’m happy for you, darling,” Mallory finally said.

Keira distinctly caught the edge in her voice. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Mallory protested. “I just said I was happy for you.”

“There’s a but coming…” Keira said.

“No, there isn’t.”

“Yes, there is. Mom, I’ve been your daughter for twenty-eight years. I know when there’s a but coming.”

Mallory sighed. “Fine. I was going to say, ‘But what about Christmas?’”

“Ohh,” Keira said, relieved. She’d thought Mallory was going to make some comment about how Keira would fail her assignment, how she was always destined to fall for the wrong man, never marry, never make her a grandma, all that stuff. With a chuckle, Keira assured her, “I’ll be back for Christmas.”

“So it’s only a short trip this time?”

“Just over two weeks. You have nothing to worry about. I’ll be there dutifully on Christmas Eve like always.”

“Good,” Mallory replied. “So back to my question. What is the difference between a cortado and a flat-white?”

Keira laughed. “Bye, Mom. I love you.”

She ended the call and went about packing her case. She piled inside of it all her warmest clothing, sweaters and scarves, extra-thick socks and thermal-lined leggings. Then she added her makeup bag, toiletries, some waterproof boots, and a fresh supply of notebooks and pens.

The door opened then, and she heard Bryn call out, “I’m home!”

Keira jumped up and ran to meet her sister.

“Guess what?” she exclaimed, as Bryn flung her keys into the bowl by the door and kicked off her shoes.

Her sister looked up. “What?”

“I’m going to Scandinavia! On a cruise ship!”

Bryn’s eyes widened. “Really? Wow! That’s awesome.”

“And I don’t have to fall in love with anyone either.”

“Oh good. That’s exactly what you need.”

She seemed genuinely thrilled for Keira, and again Keira saw a more mature side to her sister, as if the edges of her competitiveness had begun to soften.

“But what about your apartment?” Bryn asked. “Won’t there be a lease to sign before you leave?”

“Good point,” Keira said, feeling reality bring her back down from her fantasy land. “I’ll have to call the real estate agent now and arrange it.”

She went into the bedroom and fetched her cell phone, then called the number. The real estate agent answered in her raspy smoker’s voice and Keira instantly recalled her fuchsia-pink suit.

“Kid, I was about to call you,” she said. “I need you to make an appointment to come in and sign the lease.”

Keira laughed. “That’s exactly what I was calling for. I’ve got to go abroad for work, for fifteen days. So I’ll have to get the paperwork signed before I go, or it will have to wait until I get back.”

The agent sighed loudly. “Kid, you’re killing me. You’re telling me I’ve got to drop everything so I can get it sorted out for you? I usually need a week to get the paperwork arranged.”

Keira felt her heart sink. She felt terrible for being an imposition, but at the same time the real estate agent was being pretty rude, making it seem like her simple request was completely unacceptable. “Maybe it would be easier to wait until I’m back, in that case?” she suggested. Then she added, slightly sarcastically, “I’d hate to put you out.”

“I can speak to the landlord,” the woman replied with a huge sigh. “See what he thinks. But I know he wanted to move fast with this and if you’re dragging your heels…”

Keira grew even more frustrated. “I can come in now and sign the paperwork. But you said it would take a week to prepare. But fifteen days is too slow? Seems like you have a pretty inflexible schedule.”

As soon as she finished speaking, Keira felt shocked with herself. It wasn’t often that she was so outspoken. But if it all fell through, what were the chances of her finding another apartment like that one? The only reason she’d been able to afford the rent in the first place was because of the small bedroom. But there must be other short people out there who’d snap it up while she was away! To lose it now would be too cruel a twist of fate.

“Fine,” the agent said. “I’ll bust my balls to get everything ready in time for your trip abroad.” Her voice dripped with disdain.

Through gritted teeth, Keira muttered, “Thank you.”

She ended the call, stressed by the conversation. Then she became acutely aware of voices coming from the living area of Bryn’s apartment. Someone was there. She peered out the bedroom door.

Keira’s mouth dropped open. There, standing in Bryn’s kitchen, was Zach. His nose was still bandaged from when Cristiano had broken it, and faded bruises were still visible beneath his eyes.

Bryn, with folded arms, was glaring at him with her fiercest overprotective-sister expression.

“She’s not going to want to see you,” Keira heard her say.

The bedroom door creaked then, and Zach and Bryn looked over at her. Sheepishly, Keira came into the living room.

“Zach,” she said, meekly. “What are you doing here?”

He smiled at the sight of her, though his features were mostly obscured by the bandages. “What, no hug?”

Keira stood still. There would definitely be no hug for her ex-boyfriend, especially after the tricks he’d played in France and how rude he’d been with withholding her money. Bryn rolled her eyes in disdain.

Zachary let his arms drop. “Right,” he said stiffly. “Look, I won’t take up too much of your time. I just wanted to give you this.”

Keira watched him produce something from his pocket. A slip of paper, the same size and shape as a check. She wouldn’t let herself believe that it was one, though. He handed it to her.

“What is it?” she said, still not believing.

“Your half of the deposit,” he explained. Then he sighed, sounding a little strained. “Look, I spoke to my cousin, told him it wasn’t fair to take that money off you. So he agreed to give your portion back.”

“Really?” Keira said, her eyebrows rising. Finally, she took the paper and turned it in her hands so that it was the right way up. It was, indeed, the full portion of her contribution to the deposit. She looked up again at Zach. “Wow. Thank you. I really appreciate this.”

Bryn scoffed. She clearly thought Keira was being too soft on Zach. Keira herself admitted she probably was. But it was just her way. She wasn’t one to hold grudges. Once a wrong had been righted, there didn’t seem much point in doing so. Just a whole lot of wasted energy. Like Bryn and Maxine; no one had any clue how that animosity had started but neither was ever going to let it go.

“I also wanted to say sorry,” Zach continued. “I know what happened in France was crazy. I spoke to my mom and Ruth and my cousin and Shelby and David and my therapist, and there’s unanimous agreement that I was acting like a lunatic.” He smiled shyly. “I’m really sorry if I creeped you out.”

“Okay,” Keira replied. “I appreciate you saying that. And the nose. I’m really sorry about that.”

“God, I deserved it!” Zach laughed. “If some guy had done that while you were my girlfriend I’d have reacted the same way. I just hope it heals well. Gives me character.”

“I’m sure it will,” Keira admitted, smiling shyly.

Bryn let another noise of disgust come from the back of her throat. Her arms crossed even tighter against her chest.

“Are we done now?” she asked, coldly. “We have things to be getting on with.”

Zach flicked his gaze from Keira to Bryn. “Almost,” he told her. “Can we have a bit of privacy though? Then I’ll get out of your hair.”

Bryn looked at Keira. One of her eyebrows was raised. Her lips were pursed. Everything in her stance screamed don’t fall for his tricks. But she finally relented, heading into her bedroom and closing the door.

Keira looked at Zach. “So?”

“So…” Zach began. He drummed his fingers on the kitchen counter. Whatever he had to say clearly wasn’t coming easy. “Keira, I know I’ve been a jerk.”

Keira held her tongue, though she really wanted to scream out, “Finally you admit it!”

“And… the thing is… I’ve been acting that way because I care for you so deeply.” He gazed up at her, his eyes like big pools of sorrow. “When I gave you that ultimatum I really, really didn’t think you’d choose your job.”

Keira recalled, painfully, the complete misunderstanding that had resulted in her and Zach’s relationship ending. She’d never thought he’d follow through with his threat to end it with her, but sleeping with his sister’s maid of honor had really been the nail in the coffin of their relationship.

“I didn’t think you’d sleep with the first woman who’d agree to it,” Keira replied tersely.

“I know, I know,” Zach said, looking away and letting out a painful sigh. “I was hurting. That’s all I can say. I was so sad that you put something else before me that I wanted to put myself before you, put my needs first. It was… well, it was a shitty way to treat you.”

Keira just mumbled in agreement. In a few days’ time, once the dust had settled, she’d be grateful for Zach apologizing, but right now it was just stirring up a ton of feelings Keira didn’t have time to process.

“Okay, well thanks, I guess,” she finally said. “But, like Bryn said, we’ve got stuff to do.”

“Sure,” Zach said, looking over at the bedroom door that was now standing ajar. Bryn was evidently spying on them. He cast his gaze back at Keira and suddenly blurted, “Can you give me another chance?”

Keira’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “What?”

“Please,” Zach said. “I don’t want to beg but I will. I know I don’t deserve you, especially after how I’ve behaved. But you drive me crazy because I love you. I can see that now.”

Keira was stunned. In the two years she and Zach had been together, love had never come into the equation. They’d been friends, partners, and equals, sure, but actually in love? She couldn’t be certain. They’d never said it, had never felt the need to speak those words. To hear him say them now touched her.

“Zach…” Keira began. “That’s sweet of you to say. But… I can’t. I’m sorry.”

She watched his chest deflate like a balloon, the hope sucked out of him with her words.

“I really blew it, huh?” he said, sounding depressed.

She shook her head. “It’s not that. I’ve been through a lot over the last few months. I’ve grown and learned and changed. I know what I want now.”

“And it’s not me,” he finished for her.

Keira nodded sadly. “I’m sorry. But no, it’s not you.”

“So no amount of begging for forgiveness will work?” Zach asked.

“No,” Keira told him, soft but firm. “It’s not about that. I’m not waiting to forgive you. I just don’t… I don’t want you like that. But we can be friends.”

“Sure,” Zach said, gazing at his feet. “We can be friends.”

Keira led a dejected Zachary from Bryn’s house. Self-pity certainly wasn’t going to help his case. She hoped he’d bounce back soon enough, and learn that he hadn’t really blown it with her, they just weren’t right, and that there’d be some other woman out there who was right for him.

As soon as she closed the door, Bryn hurried out of the bedroom.

“Sis!” she exclaimed, raising a hand for a high five. “That was awesome!”

Keira felt the edges of her lips twitch up. She clapped Bryn’s hand. “It was?”

“Yes! You totally held your own.” Bryn slung an arm around Keira’s shoulder. “You’re going to be just fine on this assignment, I know you are.”

Keira smiled, feeling filled with strength and resolve. Bryn was right. She was going to smash this assignment.

CHAPTER SIX

Bright and early the next morning, Keira received a grumpy call from the real estate agent saying the paperwork was ready for her to sign. Relieved, Keira hurried to her office and scribbled her name on the lease, before racing off for the airport.

Her head was spinning so much from having to rapidly sort things out, that it was only as she plopped herself into her seat on the airplane that it really sank in where she was and what was going on. At least this felt familiar to her now, being on a plane. It was nowhere near as intimidating as it once had been. For the first time, Keira felt much more positive about the future.

She couldn’t help but recall how the last time she’d boarded a plane Cristiano had been in the seat beside her. She could still remember the thrilling excitement she’d felt as they neared New York City, and the way his eyes had widened at the sight of a million lights below. That was all gone now. All she had left now were the memories. And for the first time since she’d ended things with Cristiano, her memories of him no longer stung. The thorny layer that had been around them before, causing her pain any time she tried to touch them, had finally gone.

She thought of the text from Cristiano’s new girlfriend, the one she’d been agonizing over. It felt so stupid to her now to have been that worked up over him seeing someone else. Of course it didn’t mean their relationship had meant nothing to him, it just meant that he was moving on with someone new.

The plane took to the skies, and the sensation of soaring made her stomach flip. Being so high above the world made her feel so free, so bold and independent. She smiled to herself and looked in her carry-on bag for the details of the upcoming cruise.

Heather had outdone herself this time. The itinerary was laminated. Probably as an attempt to mitigate against Keira’s tendency to spill coffee and fall off gondolas into canals. Heather had also bound the pages. It reminded Keira of something she would have produced in college, and she smirked to herself.

Keira flicked straight past the pages of important contact numbers – noting with a wry smile the empty space where a tour guide’s name and number would normally be – and skipped straight to the juicy details of the cruise. She’d hardly had time to get her head around the fact she was going on a cruise, that she’d be on a huge boat in the open sea. It would be a brand new experience for her. Her stomach leapt with anticipation. She glanced through the list of locations: Copenhagen, Denmark. Helsinki, Finland. Stockholm, Sweden.

Heather wasn’t one for adornment and there were no pictures included to further whet Keira’s appetite —too expensive to print in color, she thought in Heather’s voice – so she took her tablet from her bag and began to search online.

The images were stunning. Unlike the European cities she’d visited thus far, the buildings in the Scandinavian countries were different, peaked like alpine lodges. And there were vast swaths of countryside, beautiful evergreen trees, lakes of deep blue, and craggy mountains. She could hardly sit through the rest of the plane ride; she wanted to be there now!

Napping was always a good way to pass the time, so Keira settled into her airplane seat and let herself drift off to sleep.

She dreamed she was standing on the edge of a cliff, looking out at the ocean, deep blue and calm. Through the waves she saw a school of dolphins, jumping up before disappearing again. She watched, amazed, as they leaped in strange formations. It was almost like they were dancing, or performing synchronized routines for her. As though trying to impress her.

Keira noticed something peculiar about the dolphins then, about their faces. Even from this distance, she could make out their strangely human expressions, and the varying shades of their eyes. One had the same piercing blue eyes of Shane, and his crooked, cheeky smile to match. Another had deep chocolate eyes, a softness in its expression that reminded her of Cristiano. Yet another had a lost expression, with a look of mourning and regret behind its eyes. Zachary.

No sooner had she made these connections than their graceful acrobatics transformed into something new. Not a coordinated routine anymore, but something aggressive. A display of masculinity. The Cristiano dolphin plowed headfirst into the Zachary one, busting his nose, or snout, or whatever it was called on a dolphin. The Zachary one hit back, swishing his tail at both Cristiano and Shane. Shane just stood on the back of his tail, flapping his great flippers like this was all a huge joke. Then they piled in on one another, ripping shreds from one another as she watched on horrified, the blue ocean turning red before her eyes.

She tried to call out, “Stop! It’s not a competition!” But her voice was drowned out by the winds.

Then a new danger took her focus. Racing through the waves toward the sparring dolphins was an enormous whale. She didn’t know who this whale was, a stranger, but he moved with purpose and killer determination. Her dolphin-exes were so busy attacking one another they didn’t even notice the whale approach until it was on top of them. In one huge mouthful, the whale ate all three dolphins up. Then it disappeared beneath the waves, making a whirlpool as it went, leaving nothing behind but bloody water to show anything had ever happened there.

Keira startled awake. She was sweating, and her neck was stuck in a painful position. She rubbed it, adjusting to the brightness of the cabin, to the smells and sounds of the airplane in flight around her; rustling chip packets, the merry chatter of excited vacationers, the whirr of powerful engines. Finally coming back to herself, Keira began to chuckle.

What a strange mind she had! To turn her exes into dolphins like that. But she wondered who the whale signified. Not a new boyfriend, she assured herself. That wasn’t the plan, not at all. She decided the whale signified her career, the way she was going to put it first and forget all traces of her ex-boyfriends in order to excel. There was no rebound affair on the horizon. At least, that was the plan…