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CHAPTER 3
THE SPLEEF QUARTERFINALS

There could be nothing better said about the Element City Spleef Arena than that it was the crown jewel of the metropolis. It was expertly constructed with elegant patterns of blocks of diamond, gold, lapis lazuli and brick. The large building was ringed by the ornate courtyard, which was more often than not packed with fans, hoping to hear anything to indicate what was happening inside.

When Stan defeated King Kev in battle and became president of the Grand Republic of Elementia, it was less than three days before an enormous petition surfaced, requesting the reinstatement of Spleef in Elementia. After consulting briefly with the Council of Eight, and particularly with DZ (who was an experienced Spleef player from back in the day), Stan had decreed that the sport of Spleef be allowed back into Elementia. He had ordered the construction of a new Spleef arena equidistant from the upper-level and lower-level districts of Element City, so that citizens of all levels could easily come and watch the Spleef matches.

Under the new mandate, a new schedule of Spleef games was carefully set up. There were also variation to the game put in place to make the sport more interesting. All these changes made Stan very excited to see what today’s quarterfinal match would hold. He was even more excited, though, to see how DZ, Kat and Ben, as the three members of the competing Zombies Spleef team, would handle it.

Kat pulled the green leather helmet onto her head and fastened the strap under her chin. She grumbled to herself, not liking this new feature. Although leather armour had become much more lightweight in the last update of Minecraft, it now also required additional straps. Kat personally would have preferred the heavier but simpler leather cap, tunic, trousers, and boots that she was used to.

She was sitting in a cobblestone room with a chest, three chairs, and an iron door on both sides. Two chairs were occupied by Kat’s teammates, DZ and Ben (who, alongside his brothers Bill and Bob, was now a chief of police in Element City). The chest contained their gear, which they were now putting on. While one iron door led to the corridor through which they had entered the room, the other led to the Element City Spleef Arena. On this square field, the three players were expected to battle another team of three for the amusement of six hundred spectators.

“I still can’t believe that Stan makes us wear this stupid armour,” complained DZ in his heavy New York accent as he struggled into his green leather trousers. DZ had played Spleef back before King Kev had banned it, when no armour was required. He was so used to playing without armour that, to this day, he refused to wear it, even in combat.

“Ah, be quiet, DZ,” retorted Ben, who was already suited up and pulling his diamond shovel out of the chest. “He only added it so that we can whack each other with shovels now!”

“Oh, please, don’t you remember the old days? People used to hit each other with shovels all the time! They weren’t supposed to, but the refs didn’t stop it. The crowd liked it, and it was freaking awesome!” DZ replied as he finally managed to tie the straps of the leather trousers.

“As a matter of fact, I never did see any of the old Spleef matches, because my brothers and I—”

“Come on, guys!” exclaimed Kat, standing up. “We’ve got to focus, OK? We almost lost to the Ghasts during that last round!”

“We did not almost lose, I had that match the entire time!” retorted DZ, snatching up his diamond shovel.

“DZ, you taking out one guy while the other guy gets knocked into a pit by a snowball is not ‘having the match’!” said Kat. “I get that you’re probably the best Spleef player in the league, but if the dispensers hadn’t started to fire snowballs, you would have gotten destroyed by those two!”

“How do you know that?” DZ snapped. “As I recall, you and Ben were floating in a lake twenty blocks below the arena when this happened!”

“Ah, lay off her, DZ,” said Ben, reaching into the chest and tossing the last diamond shovel over to Kat. “It doesn’t matter, OK, guys? That was the last match. What matters is that we’re still the best team, and those Blazes aren’t gonna know what hit them!”

“Oh yeah!” cried Kat as she caught the shovel and pumped her fist in the air.

“You’re right, Ben! We’re gonna win ’cause we’re awesome, unstoppable, and, most important, we’ve got me! So let’s go!” cried DZ, just as the mechanical door swung open. DZ rushed out, followed quickly by Ben and Kat. All three of them were hyped up, and the crowd greeted them with raucous applause. Kat’s eyes adjusted to the bright light of the open-skied Spleef arena, and her jaw dropped.

Inside the fifty-by-fifty-block arena, surrounded on all sides by screaming fans, was a bona fide forest. Trees sprouted from the flat dirt ground, which Kat knew to be only a block thick. The trees covered a good portion of the arena. It would lead to various trapping and ambush techniques by the two teams.

Kat was shocked. It was her third official Spleef match, but this was by far the most complex arena she had seen. In their preliminary match, the arena had been the standard level surface constructed of snow blocks. Kat had liked that arena. Breaking the snow blocks had yielded snowballs, which Kat had thrown to great effect, knocking two of her opponents into the pit below.

The object of Spleef was pretty simple. In a fifty-by-fifty-block arena, with the floor only one block thick, two teams fought to knock each other into the pit below by destroying the floor and knocking their opponents into the holes using shovels and snowballs. The last team with a player standing won.

Kat, Ben and DZ, the three members of the Zombie team, had easily managed to take out the Wolves in the qualifying round. However, they had barely notched a victory against the Ghasts on a tundra field in the preliminary round. Now, in their quarterfinal round against the Blazes, they would be fighting in a forest.

Kat heard the tell-tale creak and click of the iron door swinging shut behind her, indicating that the match had officially begun. As was her pre-game strategy, she focused on the environment around her, completely ignoring the open blue skies above and the cheering of the fanatic crowds. She only allowed herself to be aware of the woodland that had been constructed around her and the two players at her side. They were now the only players she could trust until she left the arena.

Suddenly, the sky turned black, and all was silent. She had tapped into some primordial survival instinct, and now imagined herself standing in a silent forest at night. Somewhere in these woods were evil monsters, all working for a team called the Blazes. The only way for her to escape was to take them down with the help of her friends beside her.

Kat realized that DZ was motioning her and Ben forwards. As he was their team leader, Kat followed his order. She trailed DZ into the maze of trees, aware that Ben was watching her back. Kat was confident following DZ into the arena. He was a fantastic leader and had a ton of knowledge about Spleef strategy, built up from playing professionally back before the game was banned. While the other teams used the strategy of spreading out, DZ had explicitly told them that the best strategy was to stick together and watch one another’s backs.

Suddenly, Ben cried out in alarm, and Kat spun her head towards the source. A player, clad in bright orange leather armour, had burst around the side of the nearest tree, bringing his shovel down onto the dirt block beneath Kat’s feet. She leaped backwards as the block broke, revealing a pit of water below. Ben lunged forwards and swung his shovel across the assailant’s chest.

As Kat regained her footing, she became aware of DZ locking shovels with a second member of the Blazes and quickly overpowering him. Kat turned and saw both Ben and the other Blaze fall to the ground at the same time. Kat stepped forwards and drove her shovel into the block beneath the fallen Blaze, sending him tumbling into the pit below. She quickly turned back to DZ and saw that he had caught the other Blaze off guard, opening a hole in the ground behind him and kicking him into it.

Kat was jubilant. They were up three to one, with only one more Blaze standing between them and the semifinals. As the applause died down, Kat followed DZ’s motion for a team huddle.

“All right you guys, good work so far, but I think it’s time to switch our strategy. Execute Operation Zombie Swarm.”

“Right,” replied Kat and Ben in unison, and they spread out around the edge of the arena and eventually lost sight of one another. In Operation Zombie Swarm, they would all hunt the remaining Blaze separately. If they found him, they would play defence and call in their teammates for backup.

Kat quietly snuck forwards through the trees, her ears perked up, tuning out the roar of the crowd to listen for any unnatural noises that indicated an impending attack. Her eyes scanned the gaps between the trees. Suddenly, she caught a flash of orange behind one of the pillars of wood before it hastily disappeared. Wasting no time, Kat called out to her teammates and sprinted after the orange form. Kat burst into the clearing where she was sure the player had gone, but it was deserted.

Kat only had a moment to consider what to do next before someone crashed into her side, and she hit the ground tumbling. Dazed, she pulled herself up in time to see the dirt beneath Ben’s feet bursting into nothing as he fell into the pit below. An orange figure was standing there, shovel in hand. It was Ben who had knocked Kat out of the way, even though it meant falling into the pit below himself.

Kat hopped up and attacked the remaining Blaze with a shovel, just as DZ burst from behind a tree and did the same. This Blaze was exceptionally skilled, as he dodged both attacks and then swung his shovel into DZ. By the time Kat had recovered from her missed attack, the Blaze had tricked DZ. He took one wrong step and plunged into the same hole that Ben had fallen into.

Kat gritted her teeth, determined not to lose, and rushed at the remaining Blaze. She leaped into the air just as the player destroyed the dirt block beneath her. Kat reached out her left hand and tackled the Blaze to the ground, pinning him beneath her. In his daze, the player was powerless to stop Kat as she brought her diamond shovel up in her right hand, and in two jabs destroyed the dirt below them. Kat kicked off the player’s stomach, forcing him downwards to join Ben, DZ, and the two other Blazes as Kat landed safely on the soil above.

The match now over, Kat took in the tumultuous applause from the crowd around her. She waved to them all, a huge grin breaking across her face. From the pit below, she heard the hoots and cheers of Ben and DZ, praising their teammate for her victory.

Oh man, thought Kat as the glow of victory radiated from her face like sunbeams. Three matches down, two to go!

Stan was now well below the stands, but he could still hear the sound erupting from the crowd above. Stan and Charlie had to push their way through gaggles of fanatic Zombie fans to get to Kat, DZ and Ben.

“That was easily one of the most awesome things I’ve ever seen,” said Stan, images from the match still flashing through his head.

“I know, right?” said Charlie. “I mean, I get that we’re busy and all, but was that really the first time you’ve ever come to one of these matches? Stan, you signed the paper that made the place!”

“Well, I’ll tell you this, Charlie, I’m definitely coming to every one of these matches from now on.”

Charlie laughed. “Man, you haven’t seen anything yet! You know, last time they played, in the match against the Ghasts …” And Charlie and Stan spent the rest of the walk down the corridor talking about the previous matches.

“And right as DZ was about to— Hey, guys!” shouted Charlie as he entered the room and rushed over to greet his friends. Stan followed closely behind. G and Kat released each other from their hug and beckoned the two new arrivals over to them, while DZ, Ben and his brother Bill walked over, followed closely by Bob, who sat on the back of a pink pig.

Stan, like all his friends, felt that Bob was very lucky to be alive at all. During the battle in which Stan had defeated King Kev, which was now commonly known as the Battle for Elementia, Bill and Bob had engaged Caesar, who had been King Kev’s right-hand man and was an exceptional sword-fighter, in combat. They had failed to defeat him, and Caesar would have killed Bob had Kat not intervened. Instead, the sword strike intended to kill Bob destroyed his kneecap and severed his leg from his body.

Luckily, Bill and Ben had used their entire supply of Potions of Regeneration to reattach Bob’s leg, and he had regained very limited use of it. However, it had quickly become evident that Bob would never walk again. That didn’t stop Bob from serving alongside his brothers as a police chief of Element City, though. He now followed Ben, Bill and DZ over to Stan, Charlie, Kat and G on the back of Ivanhoe, his trusty war pig, which had been saddled and was controlled with guidance through carrots.

Although one might think Bob wasn’t the same warrior he’d been, nothing could be further from the truth. He could shoot his bow just as well on pigback as he could on foot, and the pig was swift and adaptable to rough terrains. Bob had quickly gained renown as the fastest and most pliable officer on the force, a nightmare to any criminal who gave them chase.

“Nice match, guys!” said Charlie.

“Yeah, guys, that match was one of the most awesome things I’ve ever seen,” added Stan.

“Eh, thanks, guys,” said Kat. “Nice of you to finally come down to see one of the matches, Stan,” she added with a smirk.

“Hey, you know I’ve been up to my neck in work since the campaign began,” said Stan, being playfully defensive. “I tell you, though, from now on I’m making it a priority to come to each and every one of these matches.”

“Good to hear,” said Ben, butting in between them with DZ and the other two police chiefs at his side. “Now is it just me, or did I hear someone say party at the castle courtyard?”

“Nobody said that, Ben,” added Kat with a laugh.

“Oh, well then, I guess it was just me thinking it,” said Ben, grinning. “But now that it’s out there, we might as well go and do it. Come on, guys!” He led his brothers and DZ out of the room and into a corridor that would take them into the courtyard to be received by their adoring fans.

Kat gave a laugh and called out, “Wait up, Ben!” She ran to catch him, followed by G, who had been at Kat’s side the whole time and was now following her at a determinedly close distance. Stan and Charlie glanced at each other, and both rolled their eyes at G’s clinginess before following the other five players.

Stan never failed to be amazed at how fast the Imperial Butlers prepared meals at his whim. Even now, when Stan ordered them to prepare enough cake, cookies, and pumpkin pie for a victory party, it was all prepared and set out on ornate tables within a matter of minutes. Stan had personally been in favour of getting rid of the Imperial Butlers, as the organization had originally been created for catering to the desires of King Kev. However, the council had surveyed the people of the city and voted that they deserved the service of the butlers, provided the butlers were paid well.

Stan was certainly glad that the butlers were here, now that the festival was shifting into full gear. He looked around and saw that his people were in the highest of spirits, with more players streaming into the courtyard and immediately partaking in the dancing and feasting. Stan saw Ben and Bill cheering on Bob, who had somehow managed to teach Ivanhoe the pig how to do the moonwalk as the music blasted from the nearest jukebox. Kat and G were mingling with people, Kat holding a feather quill in her hand and signing autographs for fans of the Zombies. She seemed to be thoroughly enjoying her newfound fame as a Spleef athlete.

“Eh, this is a nice little shindig ya got goin’ here, Stan,” came a voice from behind him. DZ had come up to Stan, pumpkin pie in both hands, with Charlie following.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t be surprised if people supported the Zombies now just so that there are more victory parties like this,” Charlie said.

“Very true,” said Stan. “So, DZ, how does it feel to finally get back in the Spleef arena?”

“Awesome, man!” came DZ’s enthused reply. “I mean, I think it’s been coming for a long time, but I really owe you one, Stan. I think the new rules for Spleef are a million times more fun than the old ones – even if you do make us wear armour,” he added with a smirk.

“It’s a necessary evil, DZ, you know that. I made the shovel techniques legal, just like you asked, but the council—”

“Yeah, I know, the council insisted on armour,” DZ finished for him, waving his hand. “I’m just joshing ya, Stan, you know how grateful I am for you doing all of this. And I gotta say, I am very, very happy with my new teammates.”

“Yeah, they do seem to be enjoying it,” said Stan, jerking a thumb towards Kat, who was now being approached by two boys and a girl, all of whom were wearing green Zombie uniforms and asking her to sign them.

“OK, OK, don’t worry, plenty of me to go around,” said Kat with a laugh as she pulled out her quill and brought it down towards the chestplate.

Stan felt a chill on the back of his neck, and he knew immediately that something was wrong. He could tell by the widening of G’s eyes that G could sense it too. As a sword appeared in the fan’s hand, G whipped out his pickaxe and knocked the blade aside. The fan’s sword, which would have pierced Kat in the stomach, instead stuck into the ground, and G’s pickaxe slammed across the fan’s head, knocking him to the ground.

Kat’s sword was out of her inventory in a flash as the second fan-turned-assailant whipped out a bow and arrow. Kat slashed the bow in half before the player could fire, just as the third assailant pulled a green potion out of her inventory and threw it at G’s head. Kat struck the flying bottle out of the air with her sword and the bottle exploded, spraying G and herself with poison. Two slashes later, all three of the fans lay unconscious on the ground.

Stan’s senses kicked into overdrive as all over the courtyard, figures hastily pulled black tunics and caps on. Fifteen figures throughout the crowd pulled swords from their inventories, which swiftly changed to the same colour as their tunics. In unison, the figures raised the black swords in the air and belted out, “VIVA LA NOCTEM!”

Stan immediately recognized that, whatever this was, it was not random. This was planned, this was organized, and this was dangerous. The figures surged forwards and converged towards the centre of the courtyard. The partygoers sprinted away from the black-robed figures, screaming in terror. Stan reached into his inventory and slung his bow across his back, put his quiver of arrows at his side, and held his diamond axe in his hands. He saw that two of the figures were rushing towards him, and he prepared to engage their black blades in combat.

However, Stan was totally caught off guard when the two figures jammed their black swords into their sheaths and whipped out more potions, both green and dark purple ones. Stan realized in horror that these were Potions of Poison and Harming. In a matter of seconds, four potions flew through the air towards Stan, and he was forced to hop and skip backwards to avoid being caught in the blast radius of the shattering bottles.

Stan was uneasy, never having fought against players who used potions as weapons before. Taking what he found to be the logical approach, Stan drew his bow. The string of his bow twanged twice, and an arrow flew into each of the dark figures’ tunics. Unfazed, the two players drew bright red potions from their inventory and in one swig downed the entire bottle. The effect was instantaneous. The arrows popped from the chestplates, leaving only a small hole in the tunic in their places.

Stan was shocked. What was this? Who were these players, where did they get all these potions, and how did they learn to fight with them so well? Stan, desperate as more Potions of Poison and Harming flew his way, looked around for help. He realized with a jolt that all the high-ranking officials of Element City, all his friends, were now engaged in combat with these players. He was equally alarmed to see that all the mysterious players fought using potions, keeping even master sword fighters like DZ from getting in close enough to use their skills.

As Stan drew his axe to engage his attackers at close range, he reminded himself that he had to be careful. He had no idea where these players came from or who they were, but they were clearly in the order of assassins. That meant that besides escaping the attack and staying alive, Stan had an obligation to take these players prisoner. If he killed the players or let them escape, they would never be interrogated and Stan would never find out why they had attacked him.

Stan ducked another Potion of Harming, and he slammed the butt end of his axe into the thrower’s head. The player, whose eyes were barely visible under a ninja mask and black leather cap, looked stunned. He fell to the ground at Stan’s feet, just as Stan felt a sting on his unarmoured back. As he cringed, Stan realized that he had been hit with a Potion of Harming from another assassin. Stan spun around just as the attacker was about to throw another potion. Stan ducked the bottle, and he swung his axe blade under the attacker’s legs, knocking him to the ground. Stan surged forwards and stepped on the player’s chest, pinning his throwing hand to the ground with his axe.