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ONE man's folly is often another man's wife.

THE woman who makes a man perfectly happy is the one who cares just enough to respond when he is interested and not enough to be interested when he doesn't respond.

MARRIAGE is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks so easy until you try it.

A MARRIED woman is always impressionable, because she has become so used to a total abstinence from flattery that a compliment from a man goes to her head like wine to the head of the teetotaler.

REFINEMENT is what makes a man turn on his heel and go off to the club instead of staying at home and having a good, old-fashioned row with his wife.

THE man who keeps his sentiment bottled up and his money lying in the bank is so narrow that he wouldn't take a broad view of anything, even if he saw it on a bargain counter at half price.

THE biggest, boldest man that ever lived is built like a barge, and any little woman who puffs up steam enough can attach him to her and tow him all the way up the river of life.

A MAN is always able to restrain his jealousy as long as his wife wears untrimmed cotton flannel lingerie.

TAKE a spoonful of violet perfume, a pound or so of lace, a dash of music, and serve under a summer moon – and almost any man will call it "love."

A WIFE always feels perfectly safe in going driving with her husband, because she knows by sad experience that he will devote both hands and all his attention to the horses.

A MAN whom wild horses cannot drag from the path of duty will sometimes get so tangled up in a pink ribbon that he will trip and fall right out of it.

KISSES are love's assets, quarrels its liabilities.

BEAUTIES of the soul may be very fascinating, but somehow they aren't the kind a man looks for when he invites a girl out to dinner or for a spin in his automobile.

AN OLD maid is an unmarried woman who has more wrinkles than money. There is nothing like a halo of gold dollars to keep a woman attractive to a green old age.

THE things for which there is "the devil to pay," are the only sort which most men seem to consider really worth the price.

AS a soul-companion, the main difference between a bulldog and a husband is that the dog can't talk – and the husband won't.

A MAN loves a woman first tenderly, then madly, then dearly, then comfortably, and last dutifully.

SOME men are born for marriage, some achieve marriage; but all of them live in the deadly fear that marriage is going to be thrust upon them.

DISTANCE lends enchantment; but too much distance between husband and wife is sure to end by one or the other of them finding another "enchantment."

IN THE mathematics of matrimony two plus a baby equals a family; two plus a mother-in-law equals a mob; and two plus an affinity equals – a divorce.

IT IS something of a shock to the sweet girl graduate who has spent her youth in digging up the Latin roots, studying the Greek forms and acquiring a working knowledge of French, German and Hebrew, to discover that the only language her lover really appreciates is baby talk.

WHEN a man tells his wife that he is "sorry" about anything he has done he doesn't mean that he's sorry he did it, but that he's sorry she found it out.

FLIRTATION is like a pink tea, harmless but not exciting; love is like a dinner with seven kinds of wine, satisfying and exhilarating but apt to leave you with an uncomfortable feeling that you ought to have stayed away from it.

A MAN'S wife is something like his teeth, in that he seems to be aware of her presence only when it becomes annoying or painful.

ONE advantage in being a married man is that you are not haunted by the harrowing suspicion that every pretty single woman you meet may have matrimonial designs upon you.

A MAN'S sentiment is like cologne; he always offers you the cheap kind in large quantities.

A FEW years with the "George Washington" type of husband, who goes about with a hatchet and is too honest to flatter his wife, must make her long for a nice, comfortable companion like Ananias.

BEING clever at repartee means being able to say at the moment the brilliant thing which you usually don't think of until ten minutes later.

ANALYZING your love for a woman is like dissecting a flower; by the time you have picked it to pieces and found out what it is composed of, its perfume and beauty are all gone. Sentimental botanists get about as much satisfaction out of life as dietetics out of a good dinner.

A SUMMER resort is a place where a man will resort to anything from croquet to cocktails for amusement and where a girl will resort to anything from a half-grown boy to an aged paralytic for an escort.

WHEN a man becomes a confirmed old bachelor it is not because he has never met the one woman he could live with, but because he has never met the one woman he couldn't live without.

MANY a man who promises before marriage to lift every care off a girl's shoulders won't even begin by lifting the ice off the dumb-waiter after marriage.

ONE comfort in being a woman is that you have the right to cry; when a man sheds tears the poor thing always looks and feels as if he had been guilty of an immodest exposure of the soul.

DON'T fancy a man is serious merely because he treats you to French dinners and talks sentiment; wait until he begins to take you to cheap tables d'hôte and talks economy.

A MAN likes a wife who appeals to his lighter side, but the average man has so many lighter sides that no one woman could appeal to them all; and even if she could there is always his darker side and a peroxide blonde waiting around to appeal to it.

A WOMAN'S idea in marrying a man is that she may save his soul; his idea in marrying her is that she may save his socks and his digestion.

PEOPLE who marry "for a joke" certainly must be blessed with an awfully keen sense of humor.

THE girl whose hair is a little too gold, whose chin is a little too pink and whose laugh is a little too gay, apparently doesn't realize that even a siren couldn't attract a man if she sang too loud.

THE "measure of a man" can usually be taken in half an hour's acquaintance, but the true measure of a woman is something that is known only to her husband and her dressmaker.

"THE worst of certainty is better than the best of doubt," says the proverb; but when it comes to man's love for a woman the worst of uncertainty is better for it than the best of security.

A MAN'S past is written on a slate which can be washed clean at will, but a woman's is written in indelible ink in Mrs. Grundy's reference book.

MANY a woman who cannot be bought with any amount of gold can be won with just a little amount of brass.

IF MEN were absolutely certain that angels wear the sort of Mother Hubbard draperies in which they are usually painted instead of French corsets and sheath skirts, not one of them would bother about trying to get to heaven.

THE poet who sang of "woman's infinite variety" must at some time have been the only young man at a summer hotel.

THE man who lets the tailor pad his shoulders is very contemptuous of the woman who lets the dressmaker pad her skirts.

NOWADAYS love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.

SOME men are so material that a beautiful sunset would remind them of nothing but Neapolitan ice cream, and a flock of sheep on a green hillside would suggest nothing more inspiring than lamb with mint sauce.

IN ancient times one drink of Lethe water made a man lose his memory and forget even his name. Oh, well, one drink will do that nowadays – but it isn't Lethe and it isn't water.

"JOY cometh in the morning" – but more often to the widow in second mourning.

EVERYBODY has adopted modern improvements and new methods nowadays except the stork, and he goes right along carrying on business in the same old way. No wonder he has lost so much of his fashionable trade to the up-to-date dog fancier.

A PRETTY girl in a peek-a-boo waist and a Merry Widow hat on her way downtown can sometimes create more excitement in the business district than a Wall Street panic or a fire.

BEFORE marriage it fills a man with tenderness to have a girl slip her hand confidingly into his coat pocket; but after marriage somehow it fills him only with distrust.

IT is one of the mockeries of matrimony that the moment two people begin to be awfully courteous to one another round the house it is a sign they are awfully mad.

A MAN'S idea of being perfectly noble and honest with a woman is to be able to make her think he loves her without indulging in any incriminating statements to that effect.

MOST women appear to think that "'tis better to have been loved and bossed" than never to have been married at all.

DISAGREEABLE habits, like disagreeable husbands and wives, are so much easier to acquire than the other kind and so much harder to get rid of.

A WIFE'S indignation at the women who flirt with her husband is often tempered by her pity and astonishment that they should be so hard up as to waste time on a man like him.

THE average husband has an idea that economy should begin at home – and end at the corner café.

MANY a wife would be glad to exchange places with her cook on that lady's salary days and her evenings off.

A MAN'S idea of showing real consideration for his wife is to make sure that she won't find out what he is doing before he does anything that she would disapprove of.

THE first child makes a man proud, the second makes him happy, the third makes him hustle, and the fourth makes him desperate.

WHEN a man declares that making love to a particular woman "wouldn't be right," he really means that it wouldn't be safe; but he is too polite to say that.

IN tragic moments we think of trifles; no doubt a girl who is being run down by an automobile stops to thank heaven that there are no holes in her stockings and a man that there are no incriminating letters in his pockets.

A MONTH of poker parties and summer girls can make a married man as anxious to get his wife back home again as a diet of champagne and ice cream would make him for a square meal of roast beef and baked potatoes.

BETWEEN lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.

CALL a woman weak-minded and a man will wonder if you aren't jealous of her; but call her strong-minded and he will take your word without stopping to investigate.

THE wife who insists on being useful instead of concentrating on being beautiful and amusing will soon find herself relegated to the shelf like a medicine bottle, instead of being kept near at hand like a wine bottle.

THAT sad, patient smile one sees on the face of a married woman may not come so much from heart-hunger as from a daily effort to listen to her husband's latest joke at the same time that she pacifies the cook, soothes the baby and looks for his lost collar button.

HOPE springs eternal in the feminine breast as long as a woman has ambition enough to continue to curl her hair, and in the masculine breast as long as a man has self-respect enough to keep on shaving his chin.

THE things a man wants in a sweetheart are no more like those he wants in a wife than the things he wants for breakfast are like those he wants for dinner; yet he never seems to despair of warming over the light menu and making it do for a regular diet.

WHY is a woman always so jealous of her husband's stenographer when his real affinity is just as likely to be somebody else's stenographer?

IT IS not a man's morals but the manners that make him comfortable or otherwise to live with. A burglar or an embezzler can make his wife fairly happy if he will be prompt to dinner, agreeable at breakfast and will put up the portieres with a pleasant smile.

NOTHING makes a woman so green with envy and mortification as her husband's ability to turn over and snore five minutes after they have had an exciting quarrel.

OLD love, like old lamps, is apt to burn low and fitfully; it takes a new heart interest now and then to keep up the glow of life.

THE balance of power in the family usually goes to the husband or wife who has the largest balance in the bank.

AMONG a man's sweethearts the first shall never be last, and the last can always be sure that she isn't the first.

THE larger a man's girth the more expensive his flirtations; nothing but orchids and grand opera tickets can make a girl forget real embonpoint long enough to be sentimental.

MEN don't talk about one another as women do – perhaps because they find it so much more interesting to talk about themselves.

A FRANK husband and a kodak fiend teach a woman that truth is indeed stranger and more terrible than fiction.

ONE touch of highball makes the whole world spin.

A MAN'S sense of honor is so peculiar that it gets out of working condition the minute he comes near a pretty woman.

THE man who kisses a woman at the first opportunity is either a fool or a cad; the man who waits for the second opportunity is a philosopher; the man who waits for the third opportunity is a speculator; and the man who waits any longer is – a freak.

THE girl who has entertained her fiancé every evening for a three years' engagement may console herself with the hope that she won't be liable to see so much of him after marriage.

'TIS best for a man to be square, but a woman is more lucky to be round.

WHEN a man has waked up the whole family and half the neighborhood flinging empty beer bottles at a cat on the back fence he feels so refreshed that he can go right back to sleep and snore straight through a fire or a thunderstorm.

IN the face of a man's childlike vanity it is so difficult for a girl to decide to be ready when he arrives and thereby look as though she had been waiting for him, or to keep him waiting and look as though she had been primping for him.

A MAN will tell his troubles first to his God, next to his lawyer, then to his valet, and lastly – to his wife.

A LITTLE "absent treatment" now and then is the best tonic for conjugal love; an ounce of summer vacation is worth a pound of divorce.