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NO doubt when a man puts his cheek against a girl's he always imagines that it feels as smooth as hers does.

GETTING married is so easy that most men are suspicious of it.

A MOTHER-IN-LAW may be the serpent in the Garden of Eden; but if it hadn't been for the serpent whom would Adam have had to blame for all his troubles?

WHEN two people marry they "lock their hearts together and throw away the key;" then they begin looking around for some old legal nail to pick the lock with.

LUCK in love consists in getting not the person you want, but the person who wants you. If you don't believe it try being married to somebody who is not in love with you.

A MAN'S idea of an engagement is a chance to find out whether or not he really enjoys kissing that particular girl.

IT'S not his understanding of the plot of the opera that makes a man appreciate it, but the "understanding" of the chorus ladies.

A MAN thinks that by marrying a woman he proves he loves her, and that therefore nothing more need ever be said about it.

THE average man looks on matrimony as a hitching post where he can tie a woman and leave her until he comes home nights.

THERE is nothing so uninteresting to a a man as a contentedly married woman.

A MAN'S sweethearts are like his cigars; he has many of each of them, loves each one as tenderly as the preceding, and appreciates each according to its expensiveness.

A HUSBAND can always find fault with his wife, but, then, even archangels could pick flaws in one another if they had to drink coffee at the same table every morning.

MATRIMONY is, like the weather, mighty uncertain, and the happiest people are those who are neither looking for storms nor banking on sunshine, but are just willing to go along sensibly and take what comes.

IT MAY mean nothing, but it's very mortifying to a woman when she takes her husband's dog for a walk and he tries to go into every corner saloon.

IT'S easier to hide your light under a bushel than to keep your shady side dark.

FUNNY how a married man who is trying to flirt with you always begins by telling you what a trying disposition his wife has.

IT'S harder to get around a husband without flattery than to get around Cape Horn without a compass.

A MAN marries a girl for what she is, and then invariably tries to make her over into something else which he thinks she ought to be.

WHEN an ordinary man does not smoke, drink, nor swear, be careful to find out what worse folly it is that he is addicted to.

A MAN gets his sentiment for a woman so mixed up with the brand of perfume she uses that half the time he doesn't know which is which.

HUSBANDS are like the pictures in the anti-fat advertisements – so different before and after taking.

THERE are moments when the meanest of women may feel a sisterly sympathy for her husband's first wife.

A WOMAN may have a great deal of difficulty getting married the first time, but after that it's easy, because where one man leads the others will follow like a flock of sheep.

THERE are so many ways of punishing a refractory wife that the husband who cannot find one is either a timid, mawkish creature or – a gentleman.

WHEN a lawyer is slow about getting a pretty woman her divorce it is because he wants a chance to make love to her before she is in a position to start a breach of promise suit.

SOME men feel that the only thing they owe the woman who marries them is a grudge.

BLUE BEARD isn't the only bridegroom who ever went to the altar with a closet full of dead loves on his conscience.

IT isn't what a man can see through the holes in a peek-a-boo waist that makes the garment attractive, but what he tries to see and can't.

A MAN who would turn up his nose at an overdone chop or an overdone biscuit will swallow an overdone compliment with the keenest relish.

TOBACCO and love and olives are all acquired tastes; your first smoke makes you sick, your first olive tastes bitter, and your first love affair makes you unhappy.

MOST men fancy that being married to a woman means merely seeing her in the mornings instead of in the evenings.

A REFORMED rake is like a made-over hat or made-over tea – he has lost his style and his flavor.

A MAN is always advising his wife to wear common-sense shoes, but that isn't the kind he turns around in the street to stare after.

IT isn't the man who is willing to stay up late to talk to you, but the one who is willing to get up early to work for you, that you ought to waste your powder on.

WHEN a woman is pretty and married an optimistic man can always console himself with the thought that perhaps she is unhappy because her husband doesn't appreciate her.

MEN used to marry good cooks and flirt with chorus girls; now they marry chorus girls and hire good cooks.

IT'S an ill wind that teaches a man the value of hatpins.

IF WE could all pay the price of matrimony in a lump sum it wouldn't be so bad; but paying it in daily instalments is what wearies us.

A MARRIED man soon learns enough not to let the barber put lilac water on his hair; it's wonderful how sharp they get about exciting suspicion.

LOVE always comes to a man as a surprise; he feels like a person who has been hit in the dark, and his one thought is for a means of escape.

IF THE average husband were half as attentive, solicitous and devoted as his coachman, there would be fewer scandals of the drawing-room-stable variety.

FLIRTING is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.

SOME men are such bunglers at love-making that they cannot make a sentimental remark without tripping over it, or take your hand or a kiss without making you feel as though they had taken your pocketbook.

THE average man's ideas of what a woman ought to be are as old-fashioned and set as two china vases on a parlor mantel.

IT takes a mighty dishonorable man not to lie to a woman about where he saw her husband the night before.

NEAR-LOVE-MAKING is the scientific masculine method of saying a great deal and promising nothing.

IT'S so hard to reform a man when he hasn't any great fault but just a little of all of them.

A MAN who devotes his youth to ambition and cuts out love, finds out that he has been eating the bread of life without any jam on it.

IT'S so easy for a man to get engaged that he is always disagreeably surprised when he finds out how difficult it is to get disengaged.

A MAN buttons a woman's dress up the back with almost the same grace and alacrity that a woman displays in climbing a barbed wire fence.

IT isn't Cupid, but cupidity, that is to blame for those unhappy international marriages.

A MAN is absolutely certain that a woman is perfectly proper when she refuses to kiss him because in his simple, childlike vanity he can't think of any other reason why she shouldn't want to.

GIVE me a man with a dark brown past – one who has tasted the spice in life's pudding, and won't begin to long for it the moment he has been put on the matrimonial diet of bread and milk.

THE man who fancies himself completely understood is as unhappy as the woman who thinks she is misunderstood.

IF St. Peter is really an old man, no girl over seventeen need apply for admission to Heaven.

A KISS may be anything from an insult to a benediction; and yet a man never can understand why a girl is indignant sometimes when she is kissed and isn't at others.

EVEN a dead husband gives a widow some advantage over an old maid.

THE kind of wife every man is looking for is one who can peel potatoes with one hand, curl her hair with the other, rock the cradle with her foot and accompany herself on the piano.

IT isn't conscience, but the fear of consequences that keeps a man from trifling with a pretty woman.

POVERTY is a love charm; you never know how great a thing love is until you haven't anything else in the world.

WOMEN take awful chances in matrimony – because that's the only kind they get nowadays.

A MAN'S past is always quite past and his dead loves are so dead that he wouldn't recognize them if he should meet their corpses on the street.

A MAN always holds a woman at her own valuation; if she sets a high price on herself he is eager to pay it, but he doesn't want anything that looks as though it came off a bargain counter.

A MAN always considers himself mighty clever when he can glide through the shallows of love-making without foundering on the rocks of matrimony.

CHOOSING a husband is like picking out the combination on a lottery ticket; your first guess is apt to be as good as your last.

A MAN'S idea of success is to be able to run his business by touching the electric button at the side of his desk.

MAN is a mysterious chemical combination; add matrimony and you never can tell what he will turn into.

THERE is nothing which falls with such a dull sickening thud on a man's vanity as his wife's dead silence after he has made one of his characteristically brilliant remarks.

IT IS always a shock to a girl when her fiancé's sister takes her into his den and she sees her photograph standing on the mantelpiece between an actress in green tights and a cigarette ad.

A GIRL who has a brother has a great advantage over one who hasn't; she gets a working knowledge of men without having to go through the matrimonial inquisition in order to acquire it.

A MAN always pats himself on the back when he has composed a letter that breathes devotion, but would not be negotiable in a breach of promise suit.

THERE is nothing so easy for a man as forgetting; he scarcely takes time to throw a shovelful of dirt on the grave of a dead love before he is off pursuing a new one.

TO a man love is only a side dish; to a woman it's the whole feast.

THERE are few men constituted strong enough romantically to stand a daily diet of kisses, without getting sentimental nausea.

GENIUS, like anything else, needs distance to lend it enchantment; and the longer you are married to one, the more distance you are likely to give him.

BEFORE marrying a man, ask yourself if you could love him if he lost his front hair, went without a collar, smoked an old pipe, and wore a ready-made suit; all of these things are likely to happen.

IT'S a funny thing about being in love, that the minute a man begins to get serious he begins to get foolish.

A HUSBAND always expects his wife to look up to him, even if she has to get down on her knees to do it.

COURTING is like cooking; you've got to be born with the knack; brains don't take the prizes and theory doesn't count.

THE greatest proof that marriage is not a failure is that widows and widowers are always anxious to try it again.

THE only way to be happy with a husband is to believe everything he tells you – even when you know it isn't so.

IN love, a man's interest in the game is always deeper than his interest in the girl.

A MAN may like a girl ever so much until he finds out she likes him ever so much; then like cures like. See "Simple Homœopathy."

PROPOSING is like making welsh-rarebit; there isn't any reliable recipe for it and you can only tell whether or not you have done properly by the way it turns out.

AFTER a man has seen you cry two or three times it ceases to move him – except to move him out of the house.

THE color of a friend's finger nails or his socks has very much more weight with a snob than the color of his soul or his reputation.

IF a man would stick to his wife as he sticks to his seat in a street car, there wouldn't be much need for an alimony bureau.

AN old bachelor's looks may be well preserved, but his heart is always embalmed.

IT takes an awfully big man to own up to his wife that he was a little at fault in a quarrel.

WHEN a man gets a wife who makes him happy, he lays it to his perspicacity; when he doesn't, he lays it on fate.

LIFE is a game in four rubbers: hearts are trumps when a man is very young; clubs are trumps after he marries; diamonds are trumps as he waxes rich and gouty; and lastly – spades.

TO flirt inartistically is like stepping on a woman's toes when you are waltzing with her; it gives her real pain.

A MAN seldom marries when he loses his heart; he waits until he loses his head.

A MAN is like a cat; chase him and he'll run; sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.

WHAT a girl, who would be really popular, should do, is to wave a red danger flag at a man and then start to run in the opposite direction.

THERE are some men who regard their wives' accomplishments with the same patronizing complacency that they feel toward the tricks of the educated monkey at the circus.

DON'T always imagine that the man and woman who walk side by side without speaking to each other are angry; they may be only married.

MASCULINITY covereth a multitude of sins.

THE man who whips his small son for lying to shield a girl, has a mental vision as narrow as a Rocky Mountain path and side walls of dogmatism as high as the Colorado Cañon.

SATAN and Cupid are chums, who go about together looking for people who have nothing to do.

MANY a woman has divorced her husband for "desertion" who cheerfully helped pack his trunk and pay for his railway ticket when he left her.

A MAN'S conscience is made of India rubber – warranted to stretch as long as the fun lasts.

SOME men think that by putting on a silk hat and a white Ascot tie they are disguised as gentlemen.

THE average man is about as good a judge of women as a woman is of race horses; he picks the favorites by their shape and color.

LOVE is like gambling; you want to be sure that you are a good loser before you go in for the game.

A MAN'S idea of honor is so peculiar; he would die rather than steal a friend's money or cheat him at cards, but he will steal his wife or cheat him out of his daughter with perfect equanimity.

WHEN you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

FLIRTATION is like a cocktail with no headache in it, champagne with no "next morning."

ALL men are the same after ten years of matrimony; they all smell of cloves and tobacco, talk in monosyllables, and tell the same stories when they come home late.