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Again, two shrewd fellows, Peter von Scrapehem and Israel Double, owned each a farm worth ten thousand dollars. Peter sold his farm for its full value to Israel, and took a mortgage for the total purchase-money; and Israel, in turn, sold his to Peter, and took a mortgage also for its full value. By so doing, each of these worthy persons clearly doubled the property in his possession, inasmuch as while each had at the outset only ten thousand dollars’ worth of real estate, each now had ten thousand of real estate and ten thousand of personal property; or an aggregate of forty thousand between them, in the place of twenty thousand originally. This method of multiplying property by multiplying titles was so easy, and the result so apparent, that the example was very generally followed; and when the census came to be taken, a few months afterward, all were amazed at the enormous increase of wealth that had followed the discovery and simple recognition of the true nature and value of titles.

Up to this time the supply of milk on the island had been mainly controlled by a single corporation, which, under the name of the “Lacteal Fluid Association,” owned all the cows, and, for the purpose of facilitating supply, had long been in the habit of issuing tickets, each good for a pint or a quart of milk, and disposing of milk to those only who had tickets. These tickets revolved perfectly in the closed circle of exchange between the milk-men and their customers, satisfying all demands, and being accepted as the same thing as milk; for the more tickets, the more milk; and no tickets, no milk.

During the war the cannibals, in lack of any other meat, had eaten a large number of the cows belonging to the “Lacteal Association.” Many had been also taken by the Government for the soldiers; so that after the war was over there were really no more cows than the island absolutely needed. All at once, the “foot-and-mouth disease” invaded the island, and, attacking every cow belonging to the association, rendered her unable to give milk. Then arose such a piteous cry from every household where there were babies as carried a pang to the stoutest hearts. There was no need of any concerted action, for the people assembled spontaneously and demanded action. An immense public meeting was at once organized. A highly popular and humane man, a special friend of children, familiarly known as Uncle Dick, was called to the chair. He was supported by a long list of leading citizens as vice-presidents and secretaries, none of whom, however, had had any practical acquaintance with milk since their childhood, except in the form of punch. The chairman made an eloquent speech. He did not know whether he was most agitated by pity or indignation—pity for the poor babies, whose sufferings had become intolerable; indignation at the cruelty of the chartered monopolists, who had wantonly refused to issue more tickets at the very time when the demand for milk was most imperative. The assembly was of one mind with the chairman, and unanimously resolved that the Lacteal Association should immediately increase their supply of tickets, and that, in default thereof, their charter should be altered and amended. Unable to resist the storm of popular indignation, the association at once complied, and every patriotic citizen went home to the bosom of his afflicted family, carrying an abundant supply of milk-tickets, and feeling conscious that for once at least he had risen to the level of the occasion.

That night the babies were all supplied with milk-tickets in the place of milk. Milk-tickets hot, milk-tickets cold, milk-tickets sweetened, milk-tickets plain, milk-tickets with their backs printed green, and interchangeable with milk-tickets drawing cream skimmed from other milk-tickets. But, strange to say, the babies, one and all, with that same sort of instinctive perversity which induces children of a larger growth to refuse to accept shams for reality, and be grateful in addition, refused to take to milk-tickets. The uproar of the night preceding was as nothing to the disturbances of the night following, and morning dawned upon an unrefreshed and troubled population.

As soon as the necessary arrangements could be made, another meeting assembled. But the meeting this time was composed of babies, backed by their mammas and nurses. There was no theory in their sentiments; and though young in years, one and all felt that they had lived long enough to know what their fathers apparently did not know—namely, the difference between milk and paper. The resolutions voted were brief, but to the point, and were, substantially, as follows:

First, that the exigencies of the times demanded more milk, and not more milk-tickets; second, that the way to get more milk was to have more cows; third, that the way to get more cows was to go to work and raise them, or raise something else equally valuable, and then with this something else buy cows; fourth, that there are certain eternal verities against which it is useless for either babies or men to contend. A committee was appointed to procure a mill of the gods, to grind up those who disbelieved in the last resolution, and the meeting then adjourned.

This was the first indication of any thing like popular dissent from the views of the Friends of Humanity. Others, however, soon followed. Value having been declared to be an ideal thing, and ideal measures of value having been substituted in the place of the real and tangible measures formerly in use, it had been deemed proper to substitute ideal measures of length, weight, and capacity in the place of the foot-rules, yard-sticks, pound-weights, and bushel-measures formerly employed. Shop-keepers, plumbers, charcoal-men, gas corporators, and all others who had any thing to sell accordingly provided themselves with slips of paper, upon which were printed, respectively, “This is a foot,” “This is a bushel,” “This is a pint,” “This is a pound;” and the services of the arithmetic-man were again called for, to prove how much more cloth, beer, charcoal, gas, and all other measurable things the community would certainly have by the saving of labor and capital contingent on the avoidance of the necessity of further manufacturing, purchasing, and using the old measures.

But the new system did not work smoothly. There was no harmony of sentiment between buyers and sellers; and what was one man’s ideal of what he should give or receive in trade was always different from every other man’s; and, before the community were well aware of what they were about, they found themselves drifting back to the adoption of the old system of barter, which had been tried and abandoned in the early days of the island’s history. Instead of one price, every one who had commodities or services to sell adopted a scale of at least four prices: “pay price,” “money price,” “pay as money price,” and a “trusting price;” and the seller, before fixing his price, invariably asked his customer how he would pay.³⁰ “Pay price” was barter; “money price” was payment in foreign coin; “pay as money” was in the ideal money of the island; “trusting” was an enhanced price, according to time. Thus, supposing a customer wanted a knife, its price in “pay” would be a bushel of corn; in “money price,” a fifty-cent gold or silver coin; in “pay as money,” sometimes as much as he could bring in a basket, at other times as much as he could bring in a wheelbarrow; and before the ultimate abandonment of the use of ideal money, a cart had to be employed to bring the money. Trade in this way became “most intricate.”

News also came, about this time, that the heathen, not being able to stay their stomachs with the pictures of fat cattle that had been so abundantly sent them, and considering themselves humbugged, were preparing to declare war. To meet a threatened increased expenditure on this account, the Government, therefore, levied new taxes; and as the valuation of the property of the island, under the influence of the new fiscal system, had, as before stated, enormously increased, it was anticipated that a small rate would yield a large revenue. But as soon as Scrapehem, Double, and their friends, who had been multiplying their property by multiplying titles, found out that the titles were to be valued and assessed as wealth, equally with the property which the titles represented, they hasted to swap back, and cancel their mortgages; and immediately half the reputed wealth of the island disappeared.

There were some people, it will be remembered, who did not share in the general jubilation which welcomed the discovery and adoption of the new monetary system. These were the stony-hearted capitalists, meaning thereby persons who had produced by industry and frugality more than they had consumed, and had lent out this surplus in the form of ships, houses, horses and carts, wheelbarrows, coal, iron, and the like, on condition that they should be repaid the value of the several articles as expressed in money, with a portion of the profit that might have accrued to the borrower from their using.

There was a popular feeling that all these lenders were “bloated,” the degrees of bloat being, of course, different all the way from the man who owned and lent a ship down to the man who owned and lent a cart, or their equivalents in money; and that the best remedy for this frightful disease was tapping, and tapping by tendering in payment the ideal money, which was something very different in value from the money understood at the time the loans were effected. Natives of heathen lands, who had never enjoyed the light of the Gospel, called this robbing; but many on the island who had always been Christians regarded the matter with indifference, and treated it as a purely sanitary measure; and Christian ministers who never preached against such practices, but always did preach against the sins of that ancient people, the Jews, wondered at the low tone of morality that seemed to generally characterize society. As it appears, however, from an examination of the ancient records of the island, that strenuous exertions were made about this time to interest the Government and the people in the momentous question of the reading of the Bible in the public schools, and thus prevent public attention from being diverted to the consideration of any such unimportant and side issues as the nature and obligations of promises, it may be that the low tone of morality thus referred to was more apparent than real; no province devolving upon the historian being more difficult than that of attempting to reconcile, after a long lapse of years, what appears to be a series of contemporaneous but utterly incongruous circumstances.

But, be this as it may, all who had loaned valuable commodities desired to avoid tapping, and consequently hastened to demand repayment before the ideal money could be extensively issued and put into circulation; and, having once obtained payment, were very cautious how they lent again. All this contributed, in the language of the day, to make money very tight; but this language had, to a great extent, no meaning. The only money that was tight was good money, and this had been gone so long that the younger part of the population didn’t even know how it looked; while of the bad money there was a continually increasing quantity.

Besides good money, all real capital, timber for building ships, factories, and houses, iron for the construction of machinery, cloth for clothes, and grain for food, were tight; not because there was any lack of all these useful things, but because the owners had all become afraid that if they once loaned or parted with them they should never receive back an equivalent. So the island, instead of being lifted up to great prosperity, was plunged into the depths of adversity. There was a general lack of confidence. Societary activity was abated; production was arrested; and men desirous of being industrious had no opportunity of following any industry.

Gold had long disappeared from circulation. Although produced in large quantities on the island, none of it would stay there, but flowed off to foreign countries in a steady stream. The common explanation of this phenomenon was, that gold had become the cheapest thing the island produced, and was, therefore, the first thing exported. But a majority of those who said and heard this did not clearly see that the average purchasing power of gold the world over had not varied in any degree; but that the price of almost every other thing produced on the island had so varied and relatively increased, by reason of domestic fiscal circumstances, that it was far better for the foreigner to take pay in gold for all the commodities he sold to the island, and then, with this gold, purchase in other countries the very things which the island specially produced and wanted to sell. As already intimated, the islanders found great difficulty in understanding this little arrangement; but the foreigners understood it as by intuition, and never failed to act upon it.³¹ All of this further contributed to turn upside down and inside out the industries of the island; and while the Friends of Humanity continued to loudly proclaim that the issue of more money would cure all difficulties, the people, sorely distressed, and ready to accept relief from any quarter, began to loudly murmur, in turn, at what seemed an unnecessary delay in making the issue; the fact being, that although public opinion was nearly unanimous on the subject, the regular time for the Congress of the island to meet and enact the laws had not come round.

At last, the long-expected day arrived, and Congress assembled. All the special and immediate Friends of “More Money,” of “Ideal Money,” and of “Humanity,” were members; and hardly had the presiding officer taken his seat before fifty men sprung for the floor, each with a resolution demanding immediate fiscal legislation. The first resolution adopted was, that the Government should at once supply all the money which the wants of every body, and every trade and industry, might, could, would, or should require; and that the money thus issued should be a legal tender for the payment of all debts, past, present, and prospective.

The next important question was, In what manner should the new and unlimited supply of money be distributed? All saw at once that it would never do to commence on a system of giving unlimited something for unlimited nothing; and yet, if this was not done, how was it possible for the wants of those who had nothing, and who, of course, wanted money for this reason most imperatively, to be supplied? Besides, to create an unlimited supply of the new money, it would be necessary to have a good many hundreds of thousands of slips of paper with the words, “This is a dollar,” “This is ten dollars,” or “This is—” (some other amount), properly and artistically printed on them; all of which, in turn, would require a great expenditure, not only of ink and paper, but also of time; while the necessity of the hour was for immediate relief, especially to trade. It was therefore decided to leave the troublesome question of equal distribution for a time unsettled, and endeavor to first relieve trade by doubling the volume of the currency. And in order to do this at once, and without cost to the Government for engraving, printing, paper, and ink, it was therefore enacted that every one having legal-tender currency might cut or divide the same into two equal halves or pieces, and that each of these halves or pieces so resulting should be a legal tender to the full amount that the whole had previously been. At first thought, this proposition to exclude all those who had no money from participation in the new supply seemed most palpably unfair and unjust, but a little consideration satisfied to the contrary; for unless it was proposed to give away the new money, it was obvious that those only would get it who had money, and that the proportion which all such would obtain would be in proportion to what money they already had. It was, therefore, deemed wise to anticipate what was certain to be the ultimate result, and distribute it in the manner indicated.

Chapter XII.
Getting Sober

It was expected that this new and immense volume of currency, poured at once on to the wheels of trade, would immediately start the wheels. But, somehow, it didn’t seem to have that effect at all. The wheels not only would not revolve, but the friction on them seemed to have become more persistent and chronic than ever. In fact, the doubling the volume of the currency, instead of increasing the before existing instrumentalities for facilitating exchanges, had really diminished them; for all who were willing to exchange commodities for the new currency either doubled the price of their commodities, or gave only half the quantity for what they regarded as half of the former money; so that with all this class the abundance of currency was relatively the same as before. But the majority who had any thing to sell would not accept the ideal money in exchange at all. They did not claim, they said, to be financiers, or philosophers, or even special friends of humanity; but they did think that they were not such fools that they could be made to believe that the half of a thing was equal to the whole, or that one bushel of grain could be converted into two by putting one bushel into two half-bushel measures.

The only really positive effect of the doubling of the volume of the currency in the manner authorized by law was, therefore, to scale all debts to the extent of fifty per cent., and in such a manner that creditors were wholly unable to help themselves; for by terms of the act every one dollar of old legal tender was now made two for all new legal-tender purposes. In this way the people on the island soon learned a most important elementary lesson in finance, which was, that the only one attribute of legal tender which is imperative and unavoidable³² is its inherent power of canceling or liquidating debts or of tapping creditors—and this, too, irrespective of the endowment of the legal tender with any real or representative value. So that a truthful designation of the act in question would have been “An act to relieve debtors from half of their obligations, and swindle creditors to a corresponding extent of what was due them by the debtor’s acknowledgment.”

To the credit of the people of the island it must be recorded that, as a general rule, they were too honorable to take advantage of the law to do so wrong and mean a thing;³³ but the knowledge that every debtor had it in his power to so act, and the fear that some would take advantage of their unquestionable legal privileges, contributed still further to bring all business to a stand-still.

There was also a curious phenomenon incident to the situation, and pertaining to the rate of interest, which excited no little comment and attention. Every body took it for granted that with an unlimited supply of money a low rate of interest would prevail, and that, however much the financiers and philosophers might disagree about other things, this one result would be certain. An eminently practical man in one of the public debating societies of the island thought he had definitely, and for all time, settled the question by authoritatively remarking that “an abundance of money does produce enterprise, prosperity, and progress;” “that when money was plenty interest would be lower,” just as when horses and hogs are abundant, horses and hogs would be cheap. He, for one, “put aside all these old theories, these platitudes of finance.” There was “no vitality in them.” He preferred “to take the actual results, and the actual condition of the country, and let theory go to the dogs.”³⁴

There was so much of originality and home sense in these remarks, so much of a lordly contemning of the teachings of musty old experience, that the friends of the orator thought him much more worthy than ever of the executive chair formerly filled by the wise Robinson Crusoe. But, unfortunately for the orator, he hadn’t got far enough along in his financial primer to appreciate the difference between capital and currency; and in the simplicity of his heart imagined that it was all the same, whether we had pictures of horses, hogs, and money, or real horses, hogs, and money, which represent and are accumulated by labor. So the things which he thus settled in opposition to theory and experience wouldn’t stay settled; and the islanders in due time came to a realizing sense of the following truths: that the more of a redundant, irredeemable paper that is issued, the more it depreciates, and the more it is depreciated, the more there is required of it to transact business; and that if any one borrows depreciated money to do any thing, he has to borrow a greater nominal amount than he would of money that was not depreciated; and that it is on the number of nominal dollars, and not on their purchasing power, that the rate of interest is always calculated. The invariable rise in prices consequent on the depreciation of money (price as already explained being the purchasing power of any commodity or service expressed in money), furthermore stimulates borrowing for the purpose of speculation; and the more borrowers, the more competition; and the more the competition to obtain an article or service, the higher the price demanded for it.

Again, the currency of the island having been made artificially abundant, its exchangeable value was always uncertain; and capital, therefore, as it always does at such times, locked up its pockets, hesitated to take risks, and, if it consented to loan at all, demanded extra pay by reason of the increased risk or induced scarcity.³⁵

After testing all these principles experimentally for a considerable time, the people on the island came to see that the possession of money was the consequence rather than the cause of wealth; and that, except under special circumstances and conditions, the rate of interest depends on the abundance or scarcity of that part of the capital of a community which does not consist of money; and that it can not be permanently lowered by any increase in the quantity of money.³⁶

In this way, through the school of hard experience, the people on the island came gradually to understand that there were certain economic truths which had got to be accepted and lived up to in order to insure either individual or national prosperity. They came to understand that property is a physical actuality, the result of some form of labor; that capital is that portion of the results of production which can be reserved and made available for new and further production; that money is an instrumentality for facilitating the distribution and use of capital and the interchange of products and services; that production alone buys production; that when one buys goods with a paper representative or symbol of money, the goods are not paid for until the representative is substituted by a value of some sort in labor, or money, or some other commodity; and, finally, that a country and its inhabitants increase in wealth or abundance by increasing their products, rather than by inordinately multiplying machinery for the exchange of products. They also saw that the promises to pay which they had been using and regarding as money were debts; and that debts, as well as all other forms of title, are but shadows of the property they represent; and that, in endeavoring to all get rich by first creating debts, then calling the debts money, and the money wealth, they had been led, successively, into speculation, extravagance, idleness, and impoverishment; and, like the dog in the fable, which let go of the meat in crossing a stream for the sake of grasping its shadow, they had lost much of real wealth resulting from previous industry by trying to make the shadow of wealth supply the place of its substance.

Coming to gradually realize, also, that one of the first requisites for an increase of trade was that confidence should exist between the buyer and the seller, but that such confidence never would exist so long as the representatives of value, or other intermediate agencies made use of for facilitating exchanges, were of an uncertain, fluctuating character, they also came finally to the conclusion that there was no economy in using cheap money; or, in other words, that the loss and waste inevitably resulting from the use of poor tools (money being a tool) was many times in excess of the interest accruing from any increased cost of good tools. So reasoning, gold, or undoubted promises to pay gold, gradually came once more into use as money on the island.

There were some prophecies, and a good deal of apprehension, that there would be difficulty experienced in obtaining sufficient gold to serve as money or as a basis for currency, especially when it was remembered that the influence of all that had recently happened had been to encourage the export of all the gold that was owned or produced on the island. But as the goldsmiths and the jewelers never experienced any difficulty during the war with the cannibals, or afterward, in obtaining all the gold they wanted, no matter how scarce and valuable it was as compared with currency, and could have had a hundred times more than they actually used, if their customers had been willing to pay for it; so the merchants, traders, and people at large on the island, as soon as they became satisfied that it was economical to use gold, and determined to have it, experienced no difficulty in obtaining an ample supply.

One circumstance which, pending this result, tended to greatly relieve the popular apprehension on this score, was the reading in foreign newspapers that the people in certain comparatively poor countries—as Oregon, Arizona, Nevada, and Washington Territory—had no more difficulty in obtaining and retaining all the gold that they found it desirable to use for the purpose of money, than they had in obtaining and retaining all the wheelbarrows and steam-engines that they desired to use in conducting their business; and laughed when any body talked of depriving them of their gold money.

The first step having been thus taken in the right direction, a sequence of other proper acts occurred as naturally and with the same favorable results as in the celebrated case of the old woman and the kid; in which it will be remembered that as soon as the water began to quench the fire, the fire began to burn the stick, the stick began to beat the dog, the dog began to bite the kid, and, as a consequence of this sequence and its concluding act, the old woman got safely home with the kid, though at a period of the evening much later than was desirable or proper. And so, by a succession of events, prosperity slowly but surely came back to the island.

As for the Friends of Humanity, who had been the authors of so much financial and commercial disturbance and national misfortune, they soon ceased to command attention from any one, then became objects of laughter and derision, and finally passed out of the remembrance of the people, who were now all too busy in restoring their fortunes to give a thought to bygone and mortifying experiences. Some became convinced of their errors, and made good citizens; but in the case of the majority, the belief that the calling of things of no intrinsic value by the name of money was equivalent to the creation of wealth, became chronic, and finally developed into a harmless insanity. On pleasant days they might often be seen on the corners of the streets gathering leaves and bits of sticks and straws, and telling the children that assembled about them that all that was necessary to make these worthless gatherings money was to simply have confidence that they were so. But this was asking for a simplicity of belief that was a little too much, even for the children.

It only remains to add that, as memorials of this eventful history, there is still exhibited in one of the public buildings on the island an exact model of the cave in which the venerable Robinson Crusoe dwelt, and, what is even more interesting, the identical chest which he brought from the ship, and which contained the pins, needles, knives, cloth, and scissors, and the three great bags of what was then useless, but now good and true, money. Numerous specimens of the “ideal money” may also be seen in the same room, together with a picture of the barber who papered his shop with it, and of the dog which the people paraded in the streets covered with a plaster of pitch and currency.³⁷