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Meredith Waters was determined to never fall in love again.

Chapter Four

“You’re consistent,” Evan said to her, having predicted her order. “That’s a good thing.”

“You’re right.” She looked at him evenly. “It’s a quality I’ve really grown to appreciate in people.”

He paused, then said, “But you don’t mean that personally, right?”

“Right. It was just a general comment.” She didn’t sound convincing, even to her own ears, so when the waitress appeared to take their orders, she was glad for the interruption.

As soon as the woman turned away, Meredith tried to put the conversation back on track, or at least get it off the track it was on. “So let’s talk about your plans for Hanson Broadcasting. I understand you’re planning to change the format to all talk?”

There was a moment’s hesitation before he followed her into that line of conversation. “It’s hard to do anything unique in music radio these days, but with talk we can corner the market if we get or develop popular talents.”

“But there’s a lot of danger in that, too,” Meredith pointed out, comfortable to be back on less intimate turf. This she could talk to him about. This she could talk to anyone about. “As soon as I heard you wanted to switch to talk, I did some research. Almost every radio network that’s succeeded with talk has done so with shock jocks.” She hesitated, waiting for him to interject, but he just nodded, so she continued, “And though there’s reward potential, the risks tend to be high. Too high.” Especially given her current job description, though she didn’t add that. It would be awfully hard for her to do a good job if she was trying to put out obscenity fires all the time instead of gathering pertinent information about Hanson Media Group.

“What risks are you referring to?” Evan asked.

She chose her words carefully. “A lot of these DJs have trouble toeing the line. They want to be outrageous so people talk about them and listen to them.”

Evan shrugged. “If we want ratings we need people who are willing to push the envelope.”

Meredith frowned. It sounded as if things she thought were dangers were assets to him. “Which envelope are you planning on pushing and exactly who do you have in mind for the job?”

He tapped his fingertips on the gray-and-white tabletop. “Envelopes, any. I don’t care. Who do I have in mind? Several people. I already secured the Sports Addicts, Bill Brandy-wine and Zulo Gillette. But the biggest coup is that I’ve already talked to Lenny Doss about coming here for the morning-drive hours. I think I can get him onboard.”

Suddenly it felt like the air-conditioning had gotten very cold. “Lenny Doss,” Meredith repeated. His name had come up quite a few times in her research. So had the Sports Addicts, and though they weren’t her cup of tea, they were essentially harmless. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Nope.” He looked quite pleased with himself. “All it took was the right offer.”

Alarm bells were going off in her head and he was oblivious. “Evan, you can’t hire Lenny Doss.”

That got his attention. “Why not?”

Did she really need to spell this out? “The guy is a major liability. The last company that hired him ended up paying the FCC more than half a million bucks in fines.”

Evan nodded with apparent understanding. “You’re referring to him dropping the F-bomb on the air.”

“No—well, yes, but not just that.” She couldn’t even imagine trying to clean up after Lenny Doss. “He also had his listeners go to the Washington Monument and—”

Evan put his hand up. “I know all about that. You’re right, it’s inexcusable, but it’s not going to happen again.”

She couldn’t believe he knew this stuff and still wanted to hire the guy. “Evan, if you hire Lenny Doss, you are in danger of putting the final nail in the coffin of Hanson Media Group.”

He looked at her and she noticed his jaw was tensing the way it always had when he was frustrated.

Evan Hanson didn’t like being told he couldn’t do something. Never had.

“I’m aware of the dangers,” he said. “This business may be new to me, but as soon as Helen put me on the job, I did my research, and I surrounded myself with some pretty knowledgeable people.”

“I’m not saying you can’t do your job,” she said. “I’m saying …” What was she saying? How could she finish that sentence without coming off more adversarial than she already had? “That if you do this, you’re going to make it hard for me to do my job.”

Evan looked at her evenly, then smiled and said, “Tactful recovery.”

Fortunately, they were interrupted by the arrival of their food.

“That was fast,” Meredith commented gratefully as the young redheaded busboy set a plate down with a clatter in front of her. A French fry fell off and landed next to the plate, leaving a small splatter of gravy on the formica.

“I’m sorry,” the kid said quickly, reaching to clean it up and nearly knocking her glass of ice water into her lap.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” she said quickly, noticing Evan pushing her plate a little to the side before the kid accidentally knocked into it, too.

Funny how they could be a good team in such a small way, or at least work in harmony to save a plate, and yet they disagreed about virtually everything of any importance.

“We’ll take it from here,” Evan said in a way that was distinctly dismissive.

“Thanks,” Meredith added to the kid.

The busboy left and Evan turned his attention back to Meredith. “I could almost swear that same kid worked here when we used to come.” He smiled, and Meredith’s heart did a stupid flip. “He looks like he hasn’t aged a day.”

She couldn’t help smiling back. “There’s always a kid like that working in places like this. I think they hire them from central casting.”

They laughed and for just a moment the tension was lifted from the conversation. It was back a moment later, though, when Evan said, “Now, where were we?”

Meredith picked at her French fries. “I believe I was trying to get you to see how crazy it would be to hire Lenny Doss and you were being bullheaded about it.”

“Ah, yes.” He smiled again. The tension in the air between them lessened a bit. “You don’t mince words.”

“Not when I’m this serious about something.”

He let out a long breath. “Look, Meredith, there’s also the chance that it will work, and it will raise the profile of Hanson Media Group in a really positive way. The business world needs to take us seriously and this could do it.”

“I agree with your theory, but I’m not so sure about your methods,” she said. “Are you willing to do this and take the chance of it blowing up in your face?” The air conditioner kicked off halfway through her sentence, and Meredith realized she was practically yelling to be heard. “Do you really want to be the one to blow this for your whole family?” she finished in a lower voice.

Evan tapped his fingers on the table again, louder, faster. His whole face—a face she’d once known so well, but which, at this moment, seemed like a stranger—pulled into a frown. Even his eyes appeared to darken. “Yes, Meredith, I guess I am willing to take that chance. And, with all due respect, I don’t think it’s your job to worry about it.”

“But that’s exactly what my job is. My department already has its hands full trying to salvage the image of Hanson Media Group from the whole porn scandal. Adding Lenny Doss to the mix is like trying to put a fire out with gasoline.”

Evan shook his head and took a big bite of his hamburger, looking unperturbed.

Understanding began to dawn in Meredith’s mind. “Oh, my God. You don’t care, do you?”

He raised an eyebrow in question.

But it wasn’t really in question. She’d seen this gesture before. It was an invitation for her to tell what she knew so he could either confirm or deny.

“You don’t care if the whole company goes under,” she went on, half to herself and half to him. “If you succeed, you’re all right with that, but if you fail.” She studied his face. “My God, Evan, if you fail, you don’t care about that, either, do you?”

The moment of silence that passed between them seemed so long that she felt as if she’d sat staring at him for five minutes, listening to the clanking of utensils and plates and the shouts and laughter around them. It was a standoff and he wasn’t backing down.

Well, neither was she.

“You always were afraid to take a chance, weren’t you?” Evan said finally.

“What?”

“You’re saying I shouldn’t do this because it’s risky. I think that’s coming from a personal bias on your part. You’ve always been afraid to take a risk.”

She thought of the risks she’d taken with him. The ultimate risks she’d taken in giving him her virginity and entering the kind of intimacy she could never erase. “I’ve taken a few.”

It didn’t appear that he took her meaning. “As I recall, you were as straitlaced as they come, always playing by the rules. Even in science class, instead of switching the chemicals up a little bit to see if we could make flubber or something, you insisted on following the program.” He made it sound like an insult.

But she was proud of having played by the rules in high school. It was easy to cheat, to lie and to deceive—she’d found that out later on. “Yes, I preferred to use the method that worked, that was tried and true. It’s just good sense.”

“Good thing Thomas Edison didn’t feel that way.” He took another bite of his burger.

How could he eat at a time like this? Meredith couldn’t even think about her food. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, you’re not trying to invent the lightbulb, you’re just trying to hire a proven jerk to put on the air so you can have the sublime pleasure of watching your family business explode like a firecracker.”

“That’s not true,” he protested, gesturing at her with his burger. “I am not trying to make the company go under. Despite what you think, I do care. I’m trying to help. But you’re right—if it doesn’t work out, it’s not going to be the end of my world.”

“So you’re willing to put everyone’s future on the line.” She felt the tug of an anger she hadn’t felt in a long time. “And if things don’t go the way you want them to, you’d rather bail on everyone who cares about you—no matter how much it hurts them—than do a little hard work to try and get along.”

He winced. She was almost sure of it. “That’s an easy explanation, isn’t it? Blame me instead of the reality that some people and situations are not a good fit.”

That stung. Meredith took a bracing breath and put her palms down on the cool tabletop. “Let’s get back on the subject before we start getting personal, shall we?” Shall we? Did she really say that? Suddenly she was a Victorian spinster.

“Fine by me.”

“But I want to go on record as saying I don’t think you should hire Lenny Doss.”

He shrugged. “Then put me on record as saying I still disagree with you on that one.”

Big surprise. “Evan, please think about this seriously. The guy is a huge millstone. Obviously Megachannel Network didn’t think he was worth the risk, because they let him go.”

“I know that,” he conceded.

“If you put him on the schedule, and he screws up—as he’s bound to—it’s not just Hanson, it’s you, too. You’re going to look like a fool. Your reputation will be shot.”

He gave a single spike of a laugh. “You can do better than that, Mer. You know I don’t care about my reputation.”

His use of the old nickname disconcerted her. “Maybe you should.”

“Listen,” he went on, leaning slightly toward her. “I hear what you’re saying, and I promise I took it into consideration before I ever approached Doss. But I really do believe he’s learned his lesson. If I thought, as you do, that he was going to be a problem, I wouldn’t be trying to hire him. Honestly. Besides, we have a six-second delay in place, too. If he says anything objectionable, it won’t make it on air.”

“You hope.”

“I know.” He was always good at persuading her away from her better judgment. “Trust me.”

Luckily for Meredith, her spine had gotten a lot stronger in the years since she’d last seen him. “You haven’t signed him yet?”

He shook his head. “It’s just a matter of time. I’ll have an answer in a few days. A week at the most.”

“And are you looking into other options in the meantime?’

“Of course.”

She nodded, thinking that bought her a little bit of time at least. Now she just needed to get away from this conversation—she needed to get away from Evan—so she could pull herself together and figure out a way to solve this problem she found herself swimming in. “Then let’s revisit this when you have a better idea of who you’re bringing into the company. Once you’ve hired the talent and set up the schedule, we’ll come up with a plan to give you the best possible visibility.”

He narrowed his brown eyes slightly and looked at her. “It isn’t like you to drop something like this so quickly,” he said, his voice tinged with suspicion.

“Maybe it’s not like the girl you once knew,” she corrected, though he was right. “But you don’t know me anymore, Evan.”

“So you keep saying.”

She sighed. “Look, there’s no point in spending the afternoon arguing with you when it’s obvious neither one of us is going to back down.”

He nodded his agreement.

“And I’ve got more important things to think about than whether or not you’re foolish enough to hire Lenny Doss.” She opened her purse, took her wallet out and dropped a bill on the table. “If you’ll excuse me now, I’m going back to work.” She started to slide out of the booth, not an easy thing to do gracefully, especially when she’d just taken that parting shot.

He looked at the money, then back at her. “I’ll pay for lunch, Meredith.”

She shook her head. “No need.” She stood up and straightened her suit, hoping the gesture would magically bring back the objectivity she seemed to have lost. “Listen, I’m really sorry to have to cut this short, but, like I said, we’ll revisit this later.” She hoped to God she wouldn’t really have to discuss this, or anything else, with him again. “Once you know more about who you’re hiring.”

“I know who I’m hiring.”

“We’ll see.”

He nodded. “I guess I’ll see you around the water cooler.”

The old joke, “Not if I see you first,” occurred to her, but it wasn’t true. The thing that was going to be most difficult about working with Evan was going to be the irresistible urge to be around him.

That was why she had to keep as much distance as she possibly could, starting now.

Chapter Five

Meredith stepped out into the hot July sun. Chicago’s streets and sidewalks were baking and so was she, but it had less to do with the weather and more to do with being so close to Evan Hanson again.

She’d only stopped a moment to catch her breath when the door opened and he came out behind her. “Oh, good, you’re still here,” he said.

She whirled to face him. “Evan! Yes, I was just heading back to the office.”

He looked her over for a moment then said, simply, “Meredith.”

She swallowed. “Yes?”

“Things are a little tense between us.”

No sense in being coy about it. “Yes, they are.”

“Are you sure you can do this?”

She didn’t have to ask what he meant. “Of course. Are you sure you can?”

He shrugged. “No problem.”

“Good. Why should a little ancient history get in the way of business?” She took a long, deep breath and let it out. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today—or any other time, to be perfectly honest with you—and it threw me for a loop.” He would never know just how much. “That’s all.”

“It was a shock for me, too,” Evan said. His eyes held a myriad of emotions. “But a good one.”

Was he suddenly going sentimental on her? Impossible. She gave a half shrug and nodded. “Then let’s have an understanding that from this point on, this is strictly business. Our past, such as it is, has nothing to do with the way we conduct our business. Deal?” She held out her hand.

He took it, sending a surprising tingle up her arm. “Deal.” His voice was smooth and low, a man’s voice now, yet still horribly familiar. She wondered if she would be able to keep her thoughts of him on a business level.

They held hands for just a fraction of a second longer than they both knew was appropriate. When Evan let go, Meredith’s hand felt suddenly cold.

He looked as if he was about to say something but just then his cell phone rang. He took it out of his pocket and glanced at the caller ID. “Damn.” He looked at her apologetically. “I’ve got to take this. Can I get you a cab?”

“No, no. I’m fine. Go back in and take your call.”

He flipped his phone open and said to the caller, “Hang on, I’ll be right with you,” then looked at Meredith. “You’re sure? About … everything.”

“You bet.”

“Okay, I’ll be talking to you soon.”

“Absolutely.”

“Great.” He looked at her for a moment. “This will work out just fine.” Evan turned to leave. Watching his faded jean-clad form walking away from her, noticing the way his loose-fitting cotton shirt lay across his muscular back and shoulders, Meredith could have sworn she heard him add, “I hope.”

The usually short walk back to the office seemed to take forever. With every step the heat got more intense, along with her conflicted feelings.

When she finally got to the building, the air-conditioning hit her like a slap in the face, and she told herself she had to regroup for a moment then make some tough decisions.

She went back to her office. Fortunately David wasn’t there—he and his wife, Nina, were taking the kids to the Whistle Stop Circus—so she was alone. Completely alone. She sat down at her desk, a blanket of silence enveloping her like a warm fleece throw.

For a few minutes she couldn’t move, couldn’t think. All she could do was breathe deeply and try to still her pounding heart. Her eyes burned, but no tears would come, no release.

Just an empty silence.

How had a love that had once been so strong and so comfortable turned into the awkward exchange that had just taken place? It was as if she and Evan were two completely different people now. Strangers.

But they always had been, hadn’t they? As it turned out, Evan had never been the person she’d thought he was.

But, darn it, he still looked so much the same. When she’d first laid eyes on him today, her heart had tripped with excitement. Not anger, not sadness, but excitement. Her first impulse was to reach out to him. Then, only after those first split seconds, she remembered why she shouldn’t.

Fragmented thoughts of Evan’s disappearance, George Hanson’s sabotage of her own father’s business and her father’s subsequent heart attack and death ran through her head. And through it all, Evan had never contacted her. He hadn’t even sent a card to say he was sorry to hear about her father, and she knew he must have known since it was his father who had had such a strong hand in discrediting her own father’s small local newspaper so Hanson’s knockoff could take over.

George Hanson had systematically dismantled her father’s life. It was child’s play for him—just a way to get what he wanted. If Terence Waters wouldn’t sell the Lakeside Gazette to Hanson—at a greatly undervalued price—then it was the easiest thing in the world for the great George Hanson to force him out of business by creating his own competition.

The Lake Michigan Gazette.

The whole business had left her shell-shocked. If Evan had contacted her, said something—anything—compassionate, it would have gone a long way toward soothing her shattered nerves.

But he hadn’t.

And she’d eventually gotten over him, comfortable in the knowledge that she’d never see him again.

So now that she had, she was paralyzed with a strange combination of resentment and longing.

Gradually the ticking of the wall clock cut into her consciousness, and she managed to stand up and walk to the water cooler. The icy water chilled a path down her throat, returning her senses.

She had to talk to Helen.

She had to tell Helen the truth before this went any further.

Meredith was running on high when she got to Helen’s office. She stopped at the desk of Sonia Townsley, Helen’s assistant. Sonia was tall, thin, midforties, with striking gray hair cut in a fashionable style that stopped just short of being geometric. But the thing that struck Meredith most about Sonia was that she was always—always—calm and cool as a cucumber.

“Is Helen available?” Meredith asked.

“Yes, she is,” Sonia said, lowering her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Are you okay, Meredith?”

Meredith nodded. “I’m fine, really. I just need to talk to Helen for a moment.”

“What’s going on?” Helen asked from the doorway to her office. She walked out and exchanged concerned looks with Sonia.

“It’s just. I.” Meredith stumbled. This was not the professional image she sought to project.

“I’ll go get some ice water for you,” Sonia said, tactfully removing herself from what was clearly an awkward moment.

“I’m sorry,” Meredith said to Helen when Sonia had gone. “I didn’t mean to drive her away.”

“Not at all. Come on in. Tell me what’s on your mind.” Helen gestured for Meredith to follow her. She sat behind her desk. “Is everything okay?”

Meredith perched uncomfortably on the chair opposite Helen’s. “I’m not sure. There’s something I think you should know about me. I should have told you before, but I just didn’t want to be the sort of person who couldn’t separate their personal life from business.”

Helen frowned. “But now you find you are?”

“Sort of.” Meredith nodded. “I find I could be.”

Helen leaned forward. “What is it, Meredith? Tell me what’s concerning you and we’ll work it out.”

“Evan and I have … a past together,” Meredith began. She could feel her palms growing clammy and cold.

Helen raised her eyebrows. “Evan?”

“Yes, we knew each other in high school.” Understatement. “We knew each other pretty well in high school.”

Helen looked over at Meredith with a curious eye. “You’re saying you dated?”

Meredith swallowed a lump in her throat. Dated. That sounded so impersonal. So milk-shakes-and-a-movie. So innocent. “It was actually a pretty serious relationship. At least it was to me.”

“Ah.” Helen nodded slowly and leaned back in her chair. “And this is the first time you’ve seen him since that time?”

“The last time I saw him it was the afternoon of our senior prom. He said he’d see me in a few hours.” She gave a dry laugh. “It’s been quite a few hours.”

“I’m sorry, Meredith. It must have been a shock to learn you’d be working with him.”

“It was a surprise,” Meredith agreed. But, mindful that she didn’t want to sound like a whiner who couldn’t get over her past, she said, “I’m not saying I can’t do what you need me to here—far from it. But my experience with Evan today made me think that, in the interest of full disclosure, I ought to let you know. If you’re uncomfortable with me continuing under the circumstances, I’ll understand.”

Helen smiled. “The circumstances sound like they might lend themselves quite well to your success here. If you already know Evan, already have something of a rapport with him, that might make things easier, don’t you think?”

There wasn’t going to be anything easy about working with Evan, but Meredith nodded. “It could. But it could also make him uncomfortable. If he’s reluctant to work with me, I’m not going to be of much use to you.”

Helen glanced out the window for a moment with a faraway look in her eyes. Then she turned her attention back to Meredith. “Is he reluctant to work with you?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Meredith gave a self-effacing smile. It would have been too weak for her to admit that she didn’t want to work with him. That she was afraid to even be around him. “He didn’t seem as rattled by our interaction as I was.”

“Are you able to work with him, despite feeling rattled by it?”

This was a moment of truth. Meredith prided herself on her reliability, and this was a turning point in which she could either give in to her weakness and do something she’d probably be ashamed of for the rest of her life or stand tall and work through her discomfort, knowing eventually she’d come out on the other side of it.

Intellectually, it was an easy choice.

“Yes,” she said, more comfortable following her intellect than her heart.

“Then let’s leave things as they are,” Helen said, locking eyes with Meredith. “You came highly recommended, and with everything the company has been through recently we need the best people we can get so that Hanson Media Group recovers its once stellar reputation.”

“I’ll do my best.” Meredith stood to go. She was feeling a little bit better now and was embarrassed about the alarmist manner in which she’d come to Helen at first. “I’m just glad you know the truth now.”

“I am, too,” Helen said. “Thank you.”

Meredith left the office, then stopped outside the closed door and took a deep breath. She couldn’t tell Helen everything, of course, but she’d at least told her what she needed to know about Meredith’s past. Hopefully now that wouldn’t come back to bite her.

Meredith set off down the hall, looking for David, when she ran straight into Evan.

He looked at her, then looked behind her at Helen’s office door.

“Meeting with the boss?”

She swallowed. “One of them.”

“Anything I should know about?”

She took a short breath. “No. Nothing important.”

He looked at her for one long, hard moment. Then, without a word, he turned and walked away.