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CHAPTER THREE

QUINN SCROLLED THROUGH her phone, paying little attention to the social media updates on the screen. She wasn’t in contact with any of these people; they weren’t part of her actual life. Recent events had proved that to her. Virtual acquaintances could be chock-full of sympathy and crying emoticons on the Internet but a distinct lack of physical support from anyone other than Mrs Johns next door had made her see an online presence was a waste of her valuable time. This sudden interest in what people were having for dinner, or who had the cutest kitten meme, was simply to occupy her hands and give the impression she was at ease on her own.

Matt had directed her towards the pub across the road and assured her he’d be with her as soon as he could get away. The Frog and Peach, as nice as it was, was a busy hub in Paddington and she was self-conscious sitting outside, occupying one of the much sought after tables.

She envied the carefree patrons meeting their friends to toast the end of their working day. It reminded her of the camaraderie she’d once had with her fellow teachers inside and outside of the school. A friend was the one thing she was desperately missing right now—someone she could share a laugh with, or pour her heart out to without judgement. Mrs Johns was the closest thing to that, volunteering to babysit if she ever needed a hand, but it wasn’t the kind of relationship where she could really confide everything that was getting her down at the minute. She only really had her mum to talk to on the end of the phone for that, but even then she was almost ashamed to be totally honest about her situation and admit she wasn’t coping when her mother had been her fostering inspiration. When she did return home to her Yorkshire roots, she wanted it to be a journey of triumph with Simon as happy as she’d been as a child who’d finally settled.

Quinn drained the water from her glass. After the day she’d had fretting over the surgery and making a fool of herself crying on Matt’s shoulder, she could probably do with something stronger but she wouldn’t touch alcohol while Simon was under her care. She took her responsibilities seriously and she couldn’t sit here getting pie-eyed when she still had to get them both home across the city.

‘Are you finished?’ A male member of staff was at her side before she managed to set the empty glass down.

She nodded but felt the need to explain her continued occupation of valuable drinking space. ‘I’m just waiting for someone.’

There was a brief flicker of something replacing the irritability in the young man’s eyes and Quinn’s cheeks burned as she realised it was sympathy. He thought she’d been stood up. It was the natural assumption, she supposed, as opposed to her waiting for her foster son’s surgeon, who she’d emotionally tortured until he’d agreed to meet her here.

‘I’m sure he’ll be here any minute.’ She began to defend her party-of-one residency but the busy waiter had already moved on to clean the next table, uncaring about her social life, or lack of one.

Unfortunately, the jitterbugs under her skin weren’t entirely down to her anticipation of an evening in a hot doctor’s company. The excitement of a singleton let loose in the city didn’t last for ever and these days the skippety-hop of her heart tended to come from fear of what was going to happen to Simon next.

Still, as Matt finally came into view across the street there was a surge of girlish glee she’d imagined had vanished out the door with her ex. There was something about seeing him in his casual clothes that felt forbidden, naughty even. She was so used to him in his formal shirt and trousers combo, or his scrubs, that a pair of jeans and tight T-shirt seemed more…intimate.

There was something voyeuristic watching him negotiate the traffic, oblivious to her ogling. It was amazing how one scrap of plain material became so interesting when stretched across the right body, marking out the planes of a solid chest and rounding over impressive biceps. As he jogged across the road, with his jacket slung over his arm, Matt had no clue how good he looked.

Long-dormant butterflies woke from their slumber, mistaking the handsome man coming towards Quinn as a potential date, and fluttered in her stomach as she followed his progress. They quickly settled when she turned to check her reflection in the window and was reminded this was more of a pity party than a hook-up.

She knew the second he spotted her in the crowd on the pavement as a smile spread across his lips and he lifted a hand to wave. He’d been incredibly understanding considering her sometimes erratic behaviour and this was above and beyond the call of duty. It also did nothing to diminish her crush.

‘Hey,’ he said as he pushed his way through to reach her table, the last of the evening sun shining behind him and lighting his short blond hair into a halo. It made him almost angelic, if it wasn’t for that glint in his ever shifting blue-green eyes which said there was potential for mischief there. It made her curious to find out if there was a wicked side to Saint Matt when he was off duty.

‘Hi, Matt.’ She pulled out a chair for him and couldn’t resist a smug grin as the surly waiter passed by and did a double take.

‘Do you want to go inside to order? The smokers tend to congregate out here…unless you’d prefer that?’

‘It’s okay, I’m not a smoker.’ It earned him more Brownie points too—as if he needed them—he obviously didn’t approve of the habit.

She popped her phone back in her bag and got up to follow him. It was easy to see him when he was head and shoulders above most of the crowd, but soon the mass of bodies was too thick for her to fight through to reach him.

‘Excuse me…sorry…can I just get past?’

On the verge of giving up and heading back out for some fresh air, she felt a large hand clamp around her wrist and pull her through the people forest. Somehow she ended up taking the lead with Matt creating a force field around her with his body alone. She revelled in that brief moment of nurturing where someone put her welfare first. It had been a long time since anyone had been protective of her feelings and she missed that kind of support.

Since moving away from home it had been in rare supply at all. Even Darryl, who she’d thought she’d spend the rest of her days with raising children, had put his selfish needs before her or any potential foster kids.

‘There’s a table over here.’ Matt cleared away the dirty dishes left behind by the previous occupants so they could take the comfy leather sofas by the fire. He obviously wasn’t the sort of man who only thought of himself. It showed in his every action. Even if her jealousy had prevented her from appreciating the extra care he’d given to Simon, Matt’s generous nature would make some lucky woman very happy indeed. A woman who wouldn’t second-guess his every gesture, waiting to find out what ulterior motive lay behind it.

‘I’m sorry I’ve been such a nuisance.’ She leaned forward in the chair, taking a sudden interest in the patina of the wooden table, unable to meet Matt’s eyes. It would be fair to say she’d been an absolute horror to him these past weeks. Now the hysteria had subsided and the voice of reason had restored calm, her bad behaviour became very apparent. Based on her past experience with men, her paranoia had led her to question his judgement, his professionalism and his methods when the man had simply been trying to do his job. It was a wonder he hadn’t called security to remove her from the premises at any point. His patience clearly stretched further than hers.

‘Don’t worry. You’re an anxious mum. I get it.’ He reached across the table and squeezed her hand, pumping the blood in her veins that bit faster.

She flashed her eyes up at him, surprised at the soft warmth of his touch and the very public display of support. Matt met her gaze and there was a connection of solidarity and something…forbidden, which both comforted and confused the hell out of her.

‘Are you ready to order?’

At the sound of an intruder, they sprang apart, the moment over, but the adrenaline continued surging through Quinn’s body as though they’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t. She began to wonder if the gum-chewing waiter was stalking her, or was more interested in her date.

Doctor. Friend. Not date.

‘I…er…I’ll have the burger and fries.’ Matt snatched up the menu and barely glanced at it before ordering. She could read into that by saying he was as thrown by his actions as she was, or he simply ate here a lot.

‘The chicken salad wrap, please.’ Her appetite had yet to fully re-emerge since the fire but it would be nice to sit and enjoy a meal in company. In Matt’s company. Except he was on his feet and following the waiter back towards the bar.

‘I should’ve ordered drinks. I’ll go and get some. Wine? Beer? Soft drink?’ He called from an increasing distance away from her, walking backwards, bumping into furniture and generally acting as though he couldn’t wait to get away from her.

Second-thoughts syndrome. He’d probably only suggested doing this to prevent another scene at his place of work.

‘Just water, please.’ She sighed, and slouched back in her chair, whatever spark she’d imagined well and truly extinguished.

A romantic interest from any quarter was nothing more than a fantasy these days anyway. She was going through enough emotional turmoil without leaving herself open to any more heartache. No, she should be grateful for what this was—a meal in adult company and a short respite from her responsibilities. Simon would be awake soon enough and the next round of anxious parenting would begin.

As she took in her new surroundings from her place of safety in the corner, she supposed it was a nice enough place. It had old-fashioned charm—Victorian, she guessed from the dark wood interior—and not the sort of establishment which immediately sprang to mind for a well-heeled surgeon. Matt was young, fashionable and, from what she could see, totally unencumbered by the ties she was bound by. Not that she regretted any of her choices, but if their roles were reversed she’d probably be living it up in some trendy wine bar hoping for a Matt clone to walk through the door and make her night. By weeping her way to a dinner invitation she’d no doubt spoiled the night for many single ladies across the city waiting for him to show.

‘The food shouldn’t be too long.’ Matt took a seat opposite and placed a jug of iced water and two glasses on the table between them.

At least his agitation seemed to have passed as he poured the water with a steady hand. He was probably saving the heavy drinking for whenever he got rid of her and he could cut loose without having to babysit her.

‘So…you were going to give me a tutorial in basic child-rearing…’

They may as well get this over with when they knew they both had other places to be. Ten minutes of him telling her where she was going wrong and they could all get back to their real lives, which, for her, generally didn’t include pub dinners with handsome men. It was the highlight of an otherwise fraught day, it had to be said.

‘Hey, I never claimed to be an expert. All I can do is pass on the benefit of my experience in dealing with young children in very trying circumstances.’

‘All suggestions for helping gain a five-year-old’s trust will be gratefully received.’ As was the arrival of her dinner. Although she hadn’t been hungry up until now, it was infinitely more appetising than the sandwich she’d binned earlier, and it was a nice change from potato smiley faces and alphabet spaghetti which were the only things Simon would eat at present.

‘A cheap magic set,’ Matt managed to get out before he took a huge bite out of his loaded burger. He attacked it with such a hunger it gave Quinn chills. There was more than a hint of a wild thing lurking beneath that gentlemanly exterior and a glimpse of it was enough to increase her appetite for more than the bland safe option she’d chosen.

‘Pardon?’

She had to wait until he’d swallowed for an answer.

‘I use bribery as a way in. I keep a box of child-friendly toys in my office for emergencies. Toy cars, colouring books, bubbles…I’ve even got a couple of hand puppets I break out when they’re too shy to speak directly to me. I find being a friend makes the whole experience less traumatic for them.’ He snagged a couple of fries from the plate and tossed them into his mouth, making short work of them too before she’d even taken her first bite.

‘Tried that. He’s got a room full of new toys at my place but apparently you can’t buy your way into a child’s heart. I think you’ve just got a knack with kids that apparently I don’t.’ It was something she’d assumed would happen naturally since she’d been in the system herself and could relate to the circumstances which would bring foster children to her.

Unfortunately, she was finding it took more than enthusiasm and a will for things to work out to make an impression on Simon. Not every child would fit seamlessly into family life the way she had. Not that it had been easy for her either when her adoptive father had decided he couldn’t hack it, but she’d had a special bond with her mother from the first time they’d met and they’d faced all the unexpected obstacles together. At least until she became an adult and decided she should venture out into the big wide world on her own. She wanted that same show of strength they’d had for her to enable her and Simon to work through the aftermath of the school fire but it wasn’t going to happen when he kept shutting her out.

Matt shrugged. ‘I don’t know about that but I’ve had a lot of practice.’

Quinn nearly choked on her tortilla wrap. ‘You have kids of your own?’

It would certainly explain how comfortable he was in that parenting role if there were a load of mini-Matts running around. The lack of wedding ring had blinded her to that possibility. Then again, marriage wasn’t always a precursor to fatherhood. He could also be an absentee father but he didn’t seem the type to have abandoned little Irish babies around the countryside either.

He spluttered into his glass. ‘Hell, no!’

The emphatic denial should’ve pleased her to know he wasn’t a feckless father but it was a stark reminder that the life she’d chosen wasn’t for everyone. At least he was upfront about it, unlike Darryl, who’d pretended to be on board with family life and bailed at the last minute.

‘You’re not going to tell me you actually hate kids or something, are you?’ Her heart sank in anticipation of more disappointment. She couldn’t bear to find out this affable surgeon had been nothing more than an act. If so, he deserved an Oscar for well and truly duping everyone who knew him from the Castle.

The sound of his deep chuckle buoyed her spirits back up again.

‘Not at all. They’re grand. As long as I’m not in charge of them outside work.’

‘Ah, you’re not the settling down type, then?’ It was blatant nosiness but he seemed such perfect husband and father material she couldn’t let it pass without comment. Not that she was actively looking for either when it hadn’t worked out so well the first time around. She’d clearly been out of the dating scene too long since she was sitting here thinking about playing happy families with the first man to show her any attention.

‘I’ve only just been released into the wild again. My dad died a while back, when I was in medical school. Cancer. I was left to raise my three sisters on my own. Bridget, the youngest, enrolled in college last year and moved away so I feel as though I’m finally starting my adult life. Child free.’ He took a short break from devouring his dinner, the subject interfering with his appetite too.

Both she and Matt’s siblings had been lucky they’d had someone special who’d been willing to sacrifice everything to provide for them. She wanted to do the same for Simon if he’d only let her.

‘That must’ve been tough.’ She was barely coping with one small boy and a part-time job. It was almost incomprehensible to imagine a young Matt raising and supporting a family while studying at the same time. Just when she thought this man couldn’t be any more perfect his halo shone that bit brighter.

It was a shame that no-kids rule put him firmly off-limits. Along with the whole medical ethics thing and the fact she’d chosen celibacy over trusting a man in her life again. As if she’d ever stand a chance anyway after he’d witnessed her puffy panda eyes and been drenched in her tears of self-pity. He’d probably endured a lot more as a single parent and cried a lot less.

‘Do you want some of my chips? Help yourself.’ He shoved his plate towards her and it took a second to figure out why he was trying to feed her.

‘Er…thanks.’ She helped herself to a couple to detract from the fact she’d probably been staring at him longingly.

Better for him to think she was greedy than love struck. She wasn’t too happy about the nature her thoughts had taken recently either.

‘It wasn’t easy but we survived and you will too. You figure this stuff out as you go along.’

It was good of him to share some of his personal details with her—he didn’t have to and she knew he’d only done it to make her feel better. It did. He was no longer an anonymous authority figure; he was human and he was opening up to her. A little knowledge of his private life made it easier to trust another kindred spirit. She supposed it was only fair she gave something of herself too, although he’d probably already heard more than enough about her for one day.

‘I thought with my background this would all be familiar territory. I was a foster kid myself. My birth parents were too young to handle parenthood and I bumped around the system until I was finally adopted. My mum never seemed to struggle the way I have, even when her husband walked out. I’m afraid history repeated itself. My ex left me too when I decided I wanted to foster.’ It was difficult not to take it personally that any important male figures in her life had abandoned her. From the emotional outbursts and irrational behaviour Matt had probably already figured out why no man wanted to face a future with her.

‘We’re all full of good intentions, but it’s not long before a cold dose of reality soon hits home, eh?’ He was smiling at her but Quinn was convinced there was a barbed comment in there. Perhaps he’d meant well by asking her to meet here but he’d found it tougher going than he’d imagined listening to her whining.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be lumbering you with all my problems. It’s not part of your job description and I’m putting you off your food.’

‘Not at all.’ He wedged the last bit of his burger into his mouth to prove her wrong.

‘I tutor from home so it’s been a while since I’ve had any adult company to vent with. Lucky you, you get to hear me offload first.’

‘It’s a hazard of the job. I’m a surgeon-cum-counsellor.’ His grin said he didn’t mind at all.

It was a relief to get off her chest how much these past two months had impacted on her and not be judged on it. She was doing enough of that herself by constantly comparing herself to her mother when the circumstances were so different. She’d been a young girl in the country, desperate for a family, and Simon, well, he wasn’t more than a baby and had already been through so much. He’d been passed around like an unwanted guest and now he was burned and traumatised by the fire, with no real idea of what was going to come of him.

Her mother had had an advantage simply by living in her rural surroundings. Fresh air and wide open spaces were more conducive to recovery and peace of mind than the smog and noise of the city. However, this was the best place for him to be for his treatment and there was no choice but to soldier on, regardless of location.

‘Do you have a couch in your office we can share?’ It wasn’t until he raised his eyebrow in response she realised how inappropriate that sounded. Today, it was becoming a habit.

An image of more inappropriateness on the furniture behind closed doors with Matt filled her head and made her hot under her black tank top and slouchy grey cardigan. If she’d had any intention of flirting she definitely would’ve picked something more attractive than her slummy mummy attire. Comfy leggings and baggy tops were her security blanket inside the hospital and hadn’t been meant for public display.

‘I mean…I feel as though I should be lying on your couch…you taking notes. As a counsellor, obviously. Not some sort of sofa fetishist who gets off on that sort of thing. I’ll shut up now before you do actually use your authority to call the men in white coats to lock me up.’ Quinn clapped her hands over her face as if they provided some sort of invisibility shield for her mortification. Unfortunately, they weren’t a sound barrier either as she heard Matt cough away his embarrassment.

Very smooth. Not.

Far from building the beginnings of a support system with Matt as a friend, she’d created an even bigger chasm between them with her weirdness. She’d made it crystal clear to herself, and Matt, through her awkward small talk and vivid imagination that she fancied the pants off him. Why else would she be stumbling over her words and blushing like a schoolgirl trying to make conversation with him.

Great. On top of everything else she was actually picturing him with his pants fancied all the way off! The poor man had no clue about the monster he’d created by being so nice to her.

A sweaty, red-faced monster who’d apparently woken up from hibernation looking for a mate.