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Книга-психотерапевт. Полезна тем, кто переживает измену, и не может простить, и тем, кто сам запутался, и даже самим психологам. И женщинам и мужчинам. Автор описывает все возможные ситуации, и каждый найдёт в них себя. Вы поймёте, что не одиноки и ваша история не единственна. Описываются все чувства, мысли и действия. Автор корректен. Ни за кого, ни против. Даёт чёткие рекомендации. Есть шанс посмотреть на свою ситуацию под другим углом. Рекомендую

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мне было интересно читать. написана прекрасным языком. но я считаю, что слишком идеализированно. это подходит среднему классу, когда есть нормальный дом, финансовая независимость и стабильность и можно ходить к психотерапевту разговаривать о своих чувствах. авторка исходит из того, что изначально люди поженились по любви, а потом раздражение притупило чувства. но в реальности всё сложнее: брак может быть по расчету, по множеству других причин. поэтому некоторые её утверждения вызывают недоумение, например, что мужчина может изменить, потому что у него умерла мать.

лично я не уверена, что люди могут всю жизнь испытывать влечение друг к другу. может быть, мы запрограммированы на полигамию, это более адаптивная стратегия, потому что жизнь опасна, а дети растут долго. я советую прочитать книгу не после измены, а ещё до вступления в отношения. она наглядно показывает, насколько точно мы повторяем то, что испытали в детстве. например, если на женщину кричали все детство, то она, выйдя замуж, не сможет купить себе любрикант и будет терпеть и обижаться.

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Очень интересно все написано. Много чего из нее для себя взяла. Читается легко. Советую всем кто хочет понять что делать после измены партнера. Отпустить или идти дальше, с осознанием того что привело к этому и не возвращаться больше.

","user_display_name":"irinatoropceva","user_avatar_url":null,"user_is_verified":false,"user_role":null,"user_id":838567131,"is_comment_left_by_reviewed_person":null,"created_at":"2021-10-16T11:55:43","likes_rating":14,"likes_count":14,"dislikes_count":0,"is_liked_by_current_user":false,"is_disliked_by_current_user":false,"is_removed_by_moderator":false,"black_listed_by_user":false,"item_rating":5,"replies":[],"is_user_profile_clickable":true,"source":"litres","replies_count":0},{"id":12293293,"caption":null,"text":"

Безумно важная книга для всех пар, кто облажался, а потом отважился в этом всём разобраться и побороться за любовь друг друга.

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Большая часть книги написана для пар, желающих восстановить свои отношения после измены с помощью совместных усилий. Если вы решили расстаться или ваш партнер не желает вернуться в семью - ваша часть книги заканчивается на причинах измены и том, что ваши переживания нормальны.

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Потеря ощущения исключительности: «Я думал, я что-то значу для тебя. Теперь я понимаю, что мной пользовались»

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Прежде чем бежать, спросите себя: «Выход из отношений откроет мне правомерный путь к самореализации или это просто предлог, чтобы закрыть глаза на непроработанные детские травмы?» Каким бы ни был ваш выбор, вы все равно столкнетесь с разочарованием, и вам придется усердно работать над тем, чтобы ваши отношения остались теплыми и живыми. Если вы полагаете иначе, то все еще обманываете себя.

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Некоторые из вас обнаружат, что беспрестанно мечутся между крайностями: сохранить отношения или разорвать. «Настроение постоянно меняется, – рассказывает пострадавший партнер Тина. – Я просыпаюсь с желанием не иметь ничего общего со своим мужем и оказаться как можно дальше от него. Час спустя я люблю его больше жизни и хочу проводить с ним каждую свободную минуту. Я постоянно спрашиваю себя: “Достоин ли он того, чтобы за него бороться?” Когда я отвечаю “да”, то веду себя максимально мило, стараюсь роскошно выглядеть и готовлю его любимые блюда. Я не собираюсь облегчать ему уход от меня. Но когда я думаю: “Неужели мне нужен этот мужчина, он же отвратителен”, то назначаю встречу с адвокатом и готова с пеной у рта отстаивать свои права. Дело не в том, что я не могу принять решение, я не могу перестать принимать их».

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Вы не в состоянии чувствовать себя в покое и безопасности Есть два распространенных способа, которыми родители могли создавать небезопасную атмосферу в доме. 1. Они покинули вас, физически или эмоционально, и вы выросли с чувством хронической тревожности и обделенности. Во взрослых отношениях вы слишком часто и легко принимаете отказ. Ваш сценарий отвергнутого утверждает: «Люди, которых я люблю, меня бросят». 2. Они тиранили вас, физически или эмоционально, и вы росли настороженным, запуганным, униженным ребенком. Во взрослых отношениях вы слишком часто и легко принимаете контроль и подчинение. Ваш шаблон недоверия утверждает: «Люди, которых я люблю, причинят мне боль». Давайте посмотрим, как эти травматичные опыты – покинутость и жестокое обращение (абьюз) – могут повлиять на ваши взаимоотношения с партнером. Неверный партнер

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успех подразумевает способность пережить предательство того, кого любишь.

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