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Praise from the Participant Dads
‘Excellent read! Absolutely unputdownable for new and expecting dads! Would have been even better had this been around when my son Archit was born!’
—Abhishek Srivastava
‘A riveting, heart-rending, responsible and flawless depiction of a father-son relationship. Strongly recommended as a must-read for parents, especially fathers.’
—Anant Ganesh
‘Fatherhood is this biggest joy and this book will make your journey through parenthood seamless and fun.’
—Asad Lalljee
‘A book that brings out the male perspective on child-birth was long needed. Daddy is a brilliant and very useful read.’
—Debashis Das
‘A must-read for all modern-day parents. Tuhin has put his heart and soul in consolidating his experiences.’
—Rajan Gupta
‘Finally, a book about, for, and by the modern, urban, Indian father—an oft-neglected demographic.’
—Roopak Saluja
‘A practical handbook with emotional connect makes it a unique read.’
—Roshan Kanal
‘It’s a must read for the younger generation to realise what all their dads did for them…It will help kids reconnect to their dad’s with a fresher outlook.’
—Shobhit Jaiswal
‘The book is a must-read for every dad-to-be, particularly in a world where nuclear families have become the norm. With no support from grannies and uncles, it becomes even more imperative that the husband equally helps his wife in nurturing the kids.’
—Zahid H Javali
About the Author
TUHIN A. SINHA is among the best-selling authors in India, a columnist and a screenwriter.
Tuhin is acknowledged among the most prolific Indian writers with a maverick knack to experiment with new genres. While his first book, That Thing Called Love (2006) was an offbeat romance, The Captain (2008) was a cricket thriller that explored the underbelly of modern cricket. Of Love And Politics (2010) was a political thriller. His fourth and fifth books The Edge of Desire (2012) and its sequel, The Edge of Power (2013) can be called socio-political thrillers with a strong feminist skew.
Daddy is Tuhin’s sixth book and his first non-fiction narrative.
Tuhin is also a screenwriter of several popular TV shows, the most noteworthy being Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai on Star Plus.
Apart from his fiction novels and scripts, Tuhin is a keen political observer. His columns on Indian politics appear regularly in India’s leading dailies. Tuhin has a regular blog on ibnlive.com. He also appears frequently on news channels on discussions around politics and cricket.
At present, apart from working on two other books, Tuhin is a consultant with Reliance Broadcast, in- charge of new programming initiatives for their TV channel, Big Magic.
Tuhin is a doting Dad who has often bunked work to steal additional time with his son. He is not a bad husband either.
Daddy
The Birth of a Father
Tuhin A. Sinha
For
Neev Tanish,
you’ve gifted me the most pristine experience on earth
Daddy,
whose virtues and values I carry today as a father
Ramy,
for bringing Neev into the world
Mamma,
for being the most wonderful mother
And for every passionate and evolving Dad who redefines the parent-progeny relationship with a new meaning.
Acknowledgments
There aren’t many instances in your professional life when you instinctively derive the courage to swerve away from conventional commercial considerations and do what you believe in. In that situation it is equally an arduous task to find the right person who believes in what you believe in. Thank you Amrita Verma Chowdhury for the strength of your conviction. Thank you for your indefatigable efforts and initiative in nurturing the book and making it happen in its present form. As a publisher, you have been exceptional.
Thank you, Mohini Chaudhuri for your being so patient and relentless through the editing process. This was not an easy book to edit and your contribution to the book stands out.
This book would not have happened without the sporting participation of ten young fathers who eagerly took queries, some of a personal nature, and with whose inputs I was able to bring forth more perspectives for the readers. Thank you, Abhishek Srivastava, Asad Lalljee, Anant Ganesh, Debashis Das, Rajeev Shukre, Rajan Gupta, Roopak Saluja, Roshan Kanal, Shobhit Jaiswal and Zahid H. Jawali for taking time out from your busy schedules and making the book more engaging.
I owe a debt of gratitude to renowned psychologist, Dr. Seema Hingorrany, senior paediatric consultant and oncologist, Dr. Santanu Sen and paediatrician Dr. Ninad Hebbalkar for contributing exclusive write-ups for the readers. The book’s utility for the common reader has gone up manifold with your contributions.
I am grateful to Vivek Oberoi, Manoj Bajpayee, Madhur Bhandarkar, Tarun Katial, Nandita Aggarwal and Vinita Nangia for their consistent encouragement.
I remain grateful to my mom and dad for instilling in me values that had me believe that a book of this nature was long overdue and had to be written.
I am as grateful to my wife Ramyani and son Tanish for being my reservoir of strength. You make life more liveable.
Last but not the least, as always, I remain thankful to my readers! No contemporary Indian writer has perhaps experimented as lavishly with all his books as I have. You give me the strength to believe that the bestsellers’ chart is not the be all and end all. There is a beautiful world beyond it.
The Rainbow
My heart leaps up when I behold
A Rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the man;
And I wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.
—William Wordsworth
Contents
Cover
Praise from the Participant Dads
About the Author
Title Page
Dedication
Acknowledgements
The Rainbow
Prologue
Section A: BECOMING DAD
1. Introduction
Why I wrote the book
2. I Want to Become a Dad…But Am I Ready?
My first paternal pangs
When to be a father
It’s written in the stars
The clock is ticking…
Things to remember
Section B: WHAT A DAD NEEDS TO DO DURING PREGNANCY
3. You’re Expecting! What Next?
Deciding the doctor and hospital
Make your home baby-friendly
Scans and more…
Stem cell banking
Things to remember
4. Giving Emotional Support
She needs some tender, loving, care
Say goodbye to your social life
Put wife before work
Help her through morning sickness
Indulge her food cravings
Pick up household chores
Protect mother and baby
Sometimes you have to sit back and let go!
Plan a baby moon
Section C: THE BIRTH
5. Labour Day
Early birds
The final countdown
There will be blood!
So far but so good
Watch out for the waterworks
6. Managing Birth Complications
Testing times ahead
Managing the crowd
Is your hospital a safe zone?
Things to remember
Section D: THE HOMECOMING
7. Announcing the Baby
Finally, Tanish and mom re-unite
Bringing home the new addition
The longest car journey ever!
Of pujas and photo ops
Say hello to the virtual world
8. Caution! Speed Bumps Ahead
Getting down to business
At times, formula milk is inevitable
Don’t over-react
A separation
Things to remember
9. The Name Game
The key players
Google thy name
The perfect fit
Better late than never
Things to remember
10. Up All Night
Say goodbye to sleep
Adjusting to new sleeping patterns
Working your magic
Co-sleeping with your child
Things to remember
11. For Crying Out Loud!
Take a chill pill
The language of tears
Swaddling
To do or not to do?
Things to remember
12. Relax, Little One
Time to bond
The first bath
Safety rules to remember
Massaging your baby
13. I’m Always Anxious
Feeding woes
Obsessing over your baby
Finding a good paediatrician
Ruling out anomalies
Things to remember
Section E: NEW MOM, NEW DAD
14. Emotional Atyachaar
Mind your language
Everyone has an opinion!
Screen your visitors
Internal atyachaar
Am I fat?
Managing grandparents
More people equals more love
Things to remember
15. Pati, Patni or Woh! The Nanny Diaries…
Yes, we need help
The nanny from hell
Agencies or personal reccos?
Give the nanny a break
Things to remember
16. Getting Life Back on Track
No time for love
Reconnecting with your wife
Things to remember
17. It’s Not All About the Money, Honey!
Office politics before the baby
Is she worried about her job?
Maternity leave is over. What next?
Not without my baby
Things to remember
18. Daddy Needs Bonding Time too
Crazy, stupid, love
The new-age dad
Take note, corporate dads
Are you a Helicopter Dad?
Too close for comfort
Paternity leave in India
Things to remember
Section F: SIX MONTHS AND OVER
19. An Accident at Every Corner
Have a safety plan
Baby-proofing the house
Blink and miss!
The technological solution
Guard against secondary drowning
Things to remember
20. Separation Anxiety
What does this mean?
Our tryst with separation anxiety
How should I prepare my baby?
Things to remember
An Expert Take—by Dr. Seema Hingorrany
Things to remember
21. My Baby is the Boss of Me
Am I spoiling my child?
The early symptoms
Even parents get homework
Don’t let the tears fool you
It’s time for some tough love
Teaching habits
Things to remember
22. Keeping the Little One Entertained
Games galore
Gadget geeks start early
With a little help from friends
Malls vs open spaces
When to allow TV
Encourage physical activities
Power of age-old story telling
Things to remember
23. Protecting Your Baby
Don’t panic! This too shall pass
Are vaccines optional?
Common illnesses
Things to remember
An Expert Take—by Dr. Santanu Sen
An Expert Take—by Dr. Ninad Hebbalkar
24. Teaching Your Tot
School’s in session
Do we need one?
How to find the perfect school
The first day
Things to remember
Section G: A CASE FOR INVOLVED FATHERHOOD
25. Fatherhood across Generations
The way we were
My daddy strongest
Things I’d do differently
26. A Letter to My Son
If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
Fathers Interviewed for the Book
Copyright
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