Читать книгу: «Down on Daffodil Lane»

REBECCA PUGH

grew up in the green county of Shropshire, with a mind full of fairy-tales and happy endings. At twenty-two, Rebecca’s own story took a fairy-tale-like turn and her dream came true. With her faithful companions: Bonnie the dog, her partner, and her gigantic family by her side, Rebecca is sharing her stories with readers who enjoy falling in love and losing themselves in beautiful, fictional worlds. Rebecca Pugh is the author of women’s fiction and romance, her all-time favourite genres. After all, who doesn’t enjoy a good swoon?

Acknowledgements

Special thanks to my wonderful editor Victoria Oundjian and the entire team at HQ Digital UK. Without the help of these people, this book wouldn’t have made it this far. Thank you also to the incredibly enthusiastic and supportive book bloggers and readers who take the time to share in the excitement with me. You know who you are and you really are fantastic. I can’t forget to mention my wonderful family and friends, and of course my partner and Bonnie the dog who, again, make this such a joy. Thank you all.

Dedication

To anyone who’s ever needed some time-out, a break, or just the chance to see what you’re really made of.

Contents

Cover

Blurb

Praise

Book List

Title Page

Copyright

Author Bio

Acknowledgements

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Epilogue

Excerpt

Endpages

About the Publisher

Chapter One

‘See? I knew it would be a good idea. This place is great.’ Robert admired the café, while Maria lingered beside him, nervously twiddling her fingers. The absence of her wedding ring was still taking some getting used to. More often than not, she’d unconsciously touch the finger it had once sat snug on, and at the vacant space, her heart would drop. She glanced down now, to check that it definitely wasn’t there, that the last couple of months hadn’t all been a bizarre dream she was waiting to wake up from. No, no wedding ring decorated her finger. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had a faint recollection of the night she’d torn it off and lobbed it across the kitchen. It was a wine-fuelled memory, hazy and blurred and included tears aplenty. It was real though, and it had happened.

As she listened to her brother wittering on, Maria knew he was trying just that little bit too hard. She was sure he felt like he was accompanying a child on their first day at big school, easing them into a brand new world with care and consideration. His voice, usually one of a much deeper baritone, was over-bright, and Maria imagined this was how Rob would speak to his twin daughters, Kelly and Kayleigh, when trying to coax them into the bath before bedtime. She had to admit, despite loving her younger brother dearly, the whole thing was rather excruciating. She was a grown woman, for crying out loud! A grown woman who was supposed to be able to take care of herself but, then again, she’d never had much experience of that, had she? Still, it was no excuse and she wished she’d been able to do this morning by herself rather than with Rob, her pillar of support, by her side.

While walking through the sun-dappled town, just a stone’s throw away from the cottage she was staying in on Daffodil Lane, Maria and Rob had stumbled upon the café during their search for breakfast.

Neither of them had noticed the cafe at first, sat snug as it was between a bustling butcher’s and a fresh veg shop. Now here they stood, brother and sister, wrapped in the cosy warmth that the café had immediately offered up, like a soft embrace, as soon as they’d stepped through the door. A tinkling bell above the door had indicated their arrival, yet even that gentle sound had made Maria flinch.

As nice as the café was, Maria had the insane urge to hurry back outside into the cool, fresh air, to ground herself. She risked a surreptitious glance at the door, but in the end, she decided against it. After all, what would running off achieve? She knew that Rob, as easy-mannered as he was, would come bolting after her and possibly drag her back inside kicking and screaming if that was what it took.

Maria’s bad mood was nothing to do with the cafe. It really was rather lovely, but she wasn’t in the right frame of mind for hellos and how do you dos. How could she be when, just a few weeks before, she’d signed the divorce papers for her failed marriage? Never mind cheerful greetings, she realised that she wasn’t in the mood for anything, including merry jaunts into town. She would have much preferred to remain shut away in the cottage, ignoring the fact that life was continuing around her. Still, she supposed it was best that she got out and took a look around, rather than continue in the hermit-like way she’d recently taken up, hiding from everyone and everything. Plus, she supposed this made Rob feel good about himself, that he was helping his sister when she needed it most. Still, she couldn’t shake off the uncomfortable feeling that, if anything, it should have been the other way around. Big sister looking after little brother. Not that Rob would ever be in the same position as she’d managed to find herself in, she thought. He was so settled in family life and blissful domesticity; he had his beautiful wife Rosanna and adorable daughters, not forgetting his fulfilling career as a music teacher at his daughters’ school.

Maria loved him to the moon and back, and could only thank him and appreciate his efforts. He had her best interests at heart, bless him, and to begrudge that wasn’t right, no matter how grumpy she felt.

That morning, Rob had turned up completely out of the blue and frogmarched her from the cottage, after ordering her to take a shower and get dressed. She knew it was bad because those were the sorts of things a person should want to take care of without needing to be told to do so by someone else, especially their brother. He’d also thrown into the mix a nice little remark on how rubbish she looked which hadn’t done much for her already crumbling self-confidence. Maria wasn’t sure whether she was thankful or annoyed in regards to his presence, but then there was still time to make up her mind. One part of her was grumbling over his interference while the other adored him for it, because she knew it was the kick up the backside she needed. The moping about and self-pity was beginning to bore her but she’d fallen into a pit she couldn’t get out of, no matter how much she tried to claw her way up the side.

Rob found a table, and Maria swallowed nervously. Being in the cafe meant inviting curiosity, which wasn’t what she wanted at all. She wanted the opposite. Maria wanted to tiptoe about in the shadows and be left to her own devices. Rob, as always, had other ideas – and didn’t seem to care whether she agreed with them or not, tugging her along on a wave of enthusiasm which they didn’t quite share.

‘This is exactly what we were looking for,’ Robert declared happily as he rubbed his hands together with relish. ‘Warm, inviting and…’ he sat down and snatched up a menu from the table, ‘they have a killer menu. Spot-on, this is.’ He added a nod for good measure and pointed towards the opposite chair, indicating for Maria to sit down.

She joined him and, once comfortable, glanced about the cafe. He was right, it was lovely, but lovely or not, it didn’t change how she felt inside. She knew that it bordered on ridiculous, the fact that she was worried to such an extent about merely heading into town. After all, people did this every single day. She eyed her brother but his face was hidden behind the menu he was scanning. His eyes swept over the laminated page hungrily. He was one of those infuriating people who didn’t seem to gain a pound no matter what he ate and how often, whereas Maria was sure that she would put on weight from merely looking at a slice of chocolate cake. She was suddenly aware of her thighs bunching together on the seat and knew she’d let herself down recently. She had gained a few pounds but she had her reasons. Tubs of ice cream and glasses of wine had never felt so reassuring, and they also managed to do a wonderful job of taking her mind off all of the things that troubled her. Like what she’d do with her life now that it only included herself, and who she’d spend every single day loving.

While she waited for Rob to finish his perusal of the menu, Maria thought back over her situation and felt another part of herself crumble away. It had been three weeks since she’d arrived at Daffodil Lane, and within that time she hadn’t left the cottage once. Thankfully, her mother’s friend, Geraldine, who owned the cottage, had popped by to stock up on food and other necessities that Maria might need, so she’d managed to survive quite well without having to step outside the cottage door. She didn’t want to meet new people and make new friends. That wasn’t what the trip was about. All she wanted was time to herself. Time to sit down and think about what she’d do next – if she could manage to clear her head long enough to do so.

There had been no chance of that happening back home, which was why she’d come here in the first place. There was always someone there, offering guidance and advice – one friend even going so far as urging Maria to ‘get back in the saddle’. She’d been unable to form a reply and instead excused herself. Get back in the saddle indeed, she’d grumbled while stalking off. The very thought had Maria quaking in her boots (or rather, slippers, which she’d become rather fond of instead of actual shoes). She’d needed to get away.

Where she was staying now, Maria couldn’t have done much better in terms of beauty and stunning scenery. The village of Loland Green was tucked away in the lush Shropshire countryside. Until Geraldine had mentioned the area, Maria had been oblivious to its existence. Afterwards, curiosity getting the better of her, she’d looked it up online, and had been pleasantly surprised by the visual results. It was very… green. Very green, indeed. To Maria, the fact that it appeared quite isolated from the surrounding areas was a massive bonus. And the cottage was gorgeous, nestled on Daffodil Lane, the aged exterior swathed in climbing ivy and glorious rambling roses that only seemed to be growing wilder with the passing days.

After a horrendous couple of weeks following the discovery of her husband, Mike’s affair, Maria had had no choice but to go back to her mother’s house seeking refuge. She’d let Mike remain in their home, unable to stay there herself. Looking back now, perhaps she should have been firmer and told him to sling his hook. She’d been too shaken up to be assertive or in control at the time. She’d needed the easy way out so she’d taken it and ran back to the woman who’d always known her best.

Heading back to Ellen’s had been humiliating to say the least. Ellen Charm had fussed around her as if Maria were a child again, gradually becoming more and more unbearable by the day, although Maria knew that was how Ellen showed that she cared. She was motherly and nurturing, and sometimes that was interpreted as fussy and overbearing.

Maria remembered the day Geraldine had popped by and offered her the use of the Daffodil Lane cottage. Still in her pyjamas with her hair un-brushed and dirty socks on her feet, Maria had merely grunted in response to Geraldine’s suggestion that she get away while all this blew over. How could almost eleven years of marriage merely ‘blow over’? It wasn’t a slight slip-up, it was the end of an era. Her married life to the man she’d said her wedding vows to had been smashed into smithereens, and Geraldine thought it would all blow over?

Maria had been tempted to tell Geraldine to bugger off but, as always, Ellen had the last word.

‘Oh Maria, stop with the self-pity. The trembling voice. It doesn’t suit you, darling. Geraldine has offered you the perfect opportunity to get away and enjoy some “you” time, and you’re refusing it? No. I don’t think so. You may be thirty-two but you will listen to me and you’ll listen good, do you understand? You will take this offer. You will go to Loland Green, and you will sort yourself out while you’re there. Mike was a selfish bastard, that much is true, but I refuse to let my only daughter crumble into dust because of a man’s lack of control and loyalty. In case you’re forgetting my dear, I’ve been through this too and I can tell you now, it wasn’t easy, especially with two children, but I’m still alive and kicking, and you will be too.’ Ellen had taken a calm sip of her tea then, as if she hadn’t just said what she had.

Maria didn’t think she’d ever heard her mother make a speech like that before, with so much passion behind her words. She’d quickly agreed to Geraldine’s offer. Now here she was in Loland Green.

‘Cooked breakfast for two?’ Rob peeped over the top of his menu and waggled his brows up and down, bringing Maria back to the present. ‘And is it two sugars you take with your coffee? I can’t remember.’

She nodded in reply and Rob rose from the table and headed towards the counter against the furthest wall. It looked resplendent with a display of floral teacups arranged artistically upon a cake-stand, conjuring up an image of a dollhouse she’d had when she was little.

Maria watched Rob as he weaved through the tables, approaching the counter and the woman behind it with pure confidence. He walked like no one could stand in his way, which was such a huge contrast to the shrunken slouch she’d become. She used to be confident too. Not in an arrogant way, but in a way that ensured she felt good about herself. She’d been confident of everything, actually. But now? She felt like she wasn’t even a quarter of the woman she’d once been and it broke her heart even more.

A glass cabinet stood to one side of the counter, and the shelves within housed rows of deliciously moist slices of cake. She admired them from her seat. Behind the counter but reachable by the customers was a small fridge with packaged sandwiches and bottles of fruit juice and water. The walls were chocolate brown with delicate accents of plum, the colours working surprisingly well, Maria thought to herself, as she continued to look around. There was a small log-burner in the corner, although it wasn’t lit. She could imagine it made the place even cosier when crackling away during the colder months, with the lights turned low and the bitter frost shut outside.

Rob returned to the table. ‘Right. All done. Shouldn’t be too long. Drinks are being brought over in just a sec. So tell me, how have you been? It feels like it’s been ages since I last saw you. Well, it has been ages.’ He settled back in the chair, waiting to hear all about it. He looked good, Maria noticed. Skin glowing and clear, and his dark hair styled into place neatly. She remembered him as a gangly teenager, and it brought a smile to her lips. He’d gone through a phase of wearing a long, greasy fringe that partially covered his face, and a taste in music that had constantly made the walls of their childhood home vibrate. How he’d changed as he’d grown up. From that teenager Rob had grown into a young, smart man, and following that, a role-model husband and father. And the fringe was, thankfully, long gone.

It had been a while since they’d last spoken. Before she’d taken off for Loland Green with her suitcase packed, Maria hadn’t exactly been the most sociable of people and it hurt to think that she’d shut him and the rest of her family out. She’d never intended to do such a thing but at the time, she hadn’t been able to stop and make herself think about it properly. ‘I’m okay,’ she answered, avoiding eye contact, but it was no use. If she was hoping to make him believe that she was absolutely fine then she may as well have given up right there and then. Sighing, she turned her face towards the window, and it provided her with a perfect view of the street outside. She couldn’t help feeling that the cover Rob had managed to sort out at work in order to come and see her had been for nothing. He was a man on a mission, it seemed.

It had grown busy since they’d arrived. Parents ushered their children towards the school just around the corner, and people laden down with shopping bags from the supermarket further up the street hurried past, some with a friend beside them and some alone, busy and rushing to their next destination. It was nice, watching the place come to life like this. It made her feel as if she was part of it all again, life happening all around her.

‘Terrible,’ she admitted eventually.

Rob studied her with concern. There really was no point in lying to him. He knew her inside out, and even trying to lie would make her feel so very guilty. They’d always been close and he’d confided in her so many times, she couldn’t shut him out any longer.

‘I guess you could say I’m not coping very well,’ she added, realising that he was waiting for her to elaborate. It was the understatement of the century. She wasn’t coping at all. She felt like she’d lost whole months of her life somewhere along the way since it had all gone wrong. Days of darkness and sadness trailed out from behind her, like chunks of bread helping her to find her way home. She was too deep into the woods to return to the person she’d once been, and the reality of being divorced from the man she’d planned to spend the rest of her life with didn’t make sense to Maria. She felt like she’d suddenly swapped lives with someone else. One thing that constantly poked at her was the fact that she didn’t think she deserved this sort of pain. It was a childish thing to consider, but she’d been such a good person throughout her life. Always there for everyone else when they needed someone to confide in. A compliment that had been thrown her way many times was that she was a good listener. She was down to earth, happy and always full of good advice. But it seemed that now, when she most needed it, she was unable to help herself.

‘I didn’t think so.’ Rob waited patiently for her to continue, giving her the time she needed to properly explain how she felt.

‘I just don’t know what to do now.’ Maria shook her head. ‘Any future plans I had involved Mike, and now that I know he’s not going to be included in any of them, I feel lost. As if I suddenly have no direction in life. I’m so angry at him, Rob. So, so angry.’ She blinked away the tears that threatened to surface. It was a wonder she had any left, considering how often and how hard she’d cried recently. ‘I suppose most of all, I feel like an idiot. For being loyal, for worshipping the ground the stupid man walked on, and then to find out he was playing away with some bloody tart from work. It’s crushing.’

‘You’re not an idiot.’ Rob’s jaw was set. ‘You trusted the man you married, Maria. He made vows to you on your wedding day, vows which you believed he meant. Any woman would have done the same. He’s the idiot. Not you.’ He closed his eyes momentarily, and Maria wondered what was going through his mind right then. Was he angry too? She guessed he was. He and Mike had been good friends for a while, heading out to the pub for a pint and to watch the football every now and then.

Maria sighed. She certainly felt like an idiot. She’d never felt more stupid in her life. ‘You’re right. I know you are. I thought our marriage meant more to him than that, but clearly I was wrong. I want so desperately to stop thinking about him, about the why, but it’s so damn hard. I know I need to move on, to focus on me now. Being here is helping, and I’m grateful to Geraldine for letting me stay at the cottage. I don’t have to worry about bumping into him in the street, which is a relief. I was always terrified of that while I was back home. Can you imagine?’ A shiver wriggled its way up her spine. What would they have said to each other, she wondered? It would no doubt be awkward, an interaction involving mostly silence and not knowing where to put themselves. She’d much prefer to stay out of his way, to not put herself in that position at all, actually. The very thought of it was mortifying and she couldn’t promise herself that she wouldn’t crumble into a heap on the pavement and cry her heart out for all to see.

The divorce had been simple, if you could call the breakdown of a marriage simple. There’d been no need for solicitors to become involved, which she’d feared. A war in court was not how she’d wanted it to end. It had been efficient, and before she’d even known it, the papers were signed and they were free from each other.

There was a clatter on the table as their drinks were delivered then.

‘Here you are, folks. Sorry for the delay. I’ve managed to find myself in a bit of a pickle. My waitress walked out on me this morning, so it’s just me bumbling along at the moment. I’m Harriet, by the way. I should have introduced myself sooner.’

‘It’s no problem,’ Rob smiled handsomely. ‘In fact, there wasn’t a delay at all.’

‘Your breakfast shouldn’t be too far behind. I’ll pop it over once it’s ready.’

‘Thank you,’ said Maria. Harriet’s smile reached her eyes, before she returned to the counter.

Maria took a tentative sip of the rich brew. It was the first decent cup of coffee she’d had in weeks. There was a shiny coffee machine back at the cottage but she hadn’t had the patience to figure out how to work it. What buttons did you press if all you were after was a standard coffee? Thankfully, she’d found a jar of instant in one of the cupboards, settling for that. It wasn’t the best but it was something at least.

When Maria had turned the key in the cottage door and stepped inside, she’d taken a curious wander through the home and found the cupboards and fridge-freezer stocked up. Even the sheets on the bed had been freshly washed and smelt divine. The place itself though – and Geraldine had said as much – was in desperate need of a lick of paint. The walls were dull and the paint peeling, and as soon as Maria had come face to face with them, she’d known a splash of colour was just what the cottage needed.

‘What’s next?’ asked Rob.

‘I told you, Rob. I’m completely clueless. I suppose I’ll take the summer and use it as time to recuperate. I said I’d do up the cottage for Geraldine as a thank you. I need to pull myself back together and get used to life without Mike.’ She shrugged. ‘That’s all I can do really, isn’t it?’ She couldn’t, no matter how hard she tried, think ahead to after the summer had ended. When she did, it felt like looking into a void, empty of people and plans. It was a horrible feeling, one she didn’t quite know what to do with. Perhaps ignore it? That seemed like the best option.

‘You’ll be fine, I know you will.’

‘I hope so.’ She tried to smile at Rob gratefully.

‘And try not to think about him,’ Rob added. ‘He doesn’t deserve even a second of your time.’ He reached across the table to squeeze her hand comfortingly. ‘We’re all here for you. Me, Mum, Rosanna and the girls. You don’t need him. You’re much better off here, away from it all, for the summer at least. Everyone’s still asking about you, about how you’re coping. You’d hate it.’ The corner of his mouth quirked.

‘I would,’ she agreed quietly, nursing the warm mug with both hands. Her fingers curled around it, seeking comfort. That was another thing that had begun to get on her nerves. The sympathy had been overwhelming, especially from her mother’s friends. Pats on the back and sad smiles by the bucket-load. She couldn’t stand it. She’d hoped, foolishly, that people would manage, for the first time ever, to keep their noses out of her business, but they hadn’t. Everyone knew what had happened. She guessed that was partly to do with Ellen and her network of friends, who always seemed to know everything about everyone. There were no secrets in her life, and Maria hated that. At least here, no one had the slightest clue about her.

‘I never liked him anyway, not really. Plus, you deserve better. Move on, forget him.’

Easy for you to say. She knew he meant well but when it wasn’t happening to you, it was easy to hand out advice. It was okay for her brother with his perfect family, job and home, not that she would ever hold that against him. She couldn’t be happier that Rob had such a wonderful life and that she was such a massive part of it, but she didn’t think he had the slightest clue of what she was going through and she’d never wish it upon him.

For Maria, it was as if her whole world had been shredded into a tiny million pieces right before her eyes and there wasn’t a single thing she could do about it. She felt lost, out of place, as if she were floating higher and higher into the sky, like a balloon that had been released by the hand that had once held her so tightly. She needed to anchor herself again, she just didn’t know how and, at the end of it all, she knew one thing was for certain. She needed to move on.

When breakfast was delivered, Maria inhaled the smell of the food deeply and tried to remember the last time she’d felt as ravenous. She wasn’t sure what it was but, all of a sudden, the idea of tucking into the plate of food sat before her, completely inviting, was more than appealing. Perhaps it was the way Rob snatched up his cutlery and tucked in as if he hadn’t eaten for days? Or perhaps it was simply her surroundings and new circumstances, coupled with the fresh air her lungs had taken in that morning? Whatever it was, her stomach untangled itself from the tension it had been victim to and, after the first mouthful of egg and bacon, she was unable to stop herself from shovelling the rest into her mouth at an unbelievable speed. Using the last slice of buttery toast to mop up the puddle of baked bean juice, Maria sat back in her seat and gave her full stomach room to breathe.

‘Now that’s what I call breakfast.’

Rob grinned. ‘Blimey, you wolfed that down, didn’t you?’