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How to Do Everything and Be Happy

Your Step-by-step, Straight-talking Guide to Creating Happiness in Your Life

Peter Jones

Praise for How to Do Everything and Be Happy

What a great book

A very accessible, practical guide to getting the most out of your life. It covers lots of ideas that I will be trying out over the next few months. However, the book offers these ideas without being in any way preachy or condescending, remembering that people are all different – and offering advice on how you can adapt the ideas to make them work for you. Highly recommended. I really enjoyed it!

Sarah (Chatham, UK), 17 June 2012

No-nonsense practical and friendly advice

This is a great book. It contains helpful methods to make you live a happier and more fulfilling life. The tone of the book is chatty, as if it is your best friend sitting next to you giving advice. I found the diary part and the setting of goals very useful. I am now implementing the ‘now’ list and ‘wish’ list. What truly stands out with this book is that whilst chronological in your development, it also takes time out to advise if something has gone wrong. It doesn’t steam-roller on to the end, leaving those behind who maybe haven’t achieved a goal or stage of the process. Peter dusts you down in a non-judgemental fashion and then continues his journey with you.

D.K. (UK), 2 July 2012

Very do-able

I love this book – it’s down to earth, practical, no-nonsense and, best of all, English. Unlike many American-style self-help books, it doesn’t promise miracles, just an eminently sensible way to make order out of chaos and make life enjoyable again, with lots of little (and big) bonuses along the way to treat yourself, love yourself and take control of your own life. Thank you, Peter, very much indeed.

S. Capes (UK), 7 July 2012

Absolutely love this book

I love this book so much. Like a lot of people, I often felt a bit ‘meh’ about my life. I wasn’t miserable, but I certainly wasn’t overwhelmed with joy. I didn’t want to emigrate, I didn’t want to change careers … I just wanted to feel a bit happier with my lot, really. Before I read the book, I’d started to make a few changes. Not massive leaps, just tweaks here and there. By the time I’d finished it, I’d taken a lot of the author’s advice and I’d tweaked a bit more. I can honestly now say that I have never been happier. Yes, I sometimes still feel ‘meh’, but these are fleeting moments, not general discontent. Thanks ever so much for writing it. I work in a library and intend to recommend your book to everyone. Even if they’ve only come in to use the photocopier.

Annie Latter (Essex, UK), 20 July 2012

Good, fun, easy read

Just finished the book! It was a great, easy read and I really enjoyed it. It was absolutely perfect for me in simply helping me to realise just how disorganized my life was. Two of my friends are on the ‘Happy’ bandwagon now, too : ) Great job on your book, Peter, and many wishes for your future success!

Heather (Texas, USA), 27 July 2012

Read more 5-star reader reviews

at amazon.com and amazon.co.uk,

or at howtodoeverythingandbehappy.com

Dedication

In memory of Kate,

her Big Theory of Everything,

and all the amazing things she taught me.

Love, as always,

Peter

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Praise for How to Do Everything and Be Happy

Dedication

To Begin With …

Why the Long Face?

Making Time to Be Happy

Doing Those Things You Always Wanted to Do

Pointing Your Life in a Better Direction

Making Life What You Want

Putting It All Together

You Still Here?

Footnotes

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Copyright

About the Publisher

To Begin With …

Once upon a time I got sold a dream: I would grow up big and strong, marry a blonde (my mother was convinced of this), have children, and live happily ever after in a big house, whilst I held down a job as an astronaut. Or a train driver. Or a fireman. And this wasn’t a ‘maybe’ – something to aspire to – this was my God-given right. This is what was going to happen. All I had to do was wait.

Not that I was very good at waiting. I’m still not very good at waiting! I wanted this idyllic life now. I didn’t want to wait until next week or some other distant point in the future.

I must have told my parents this because they would smile and tell me not to be in such a rush. ‘Peter,’ they would say, ‘schooldays are the best days of your life.’

Obviously they were mistaken. They had to be. When my parents’ eyes glazed over and they talked fondly of ‘schooldays’, they must have been recalling the days of their own distant childhood, days sitting around camp fires outside the school mud hut, marking bits of slate with chalk whilst village elders told stories of dragons. Their schooldays were clearly a far cry from the mixture of humiliation, bullying and boredom that I endured. They had to be. Because if they weren’t, for schooldays to be the ‘best’ days they would logically have to be followed by ‘something worse’.

Then I got older, and things got worse.

Actually, that’s not quite true. They didn’t get any worse – not really – but they certainly didn’t get much better, and they definitely got more complex.

‘Work’ turned out to be very similar to ‘school’ – different bullies, same rules, just as boring. And whereas I was given money in return for surrendering five days out of seven – more money than I’d ever dreamed possible – now there was a slew of people queuing up to take it away from me.

And then there were relationships. Just when I’d got classroom note passing down to a fine art, the game changed completely, and note passing wasn’t going to cut it.

I could go on, but suffice it to say, the initial ‘dream’ seemed less and less likely. It was clear that I was never going to be an astronaut. Or a train driver. Or a fireman. It also seemed unlikely that I would ever live in a big house. Big houses needed big money. I was on small to medium money. Two bedroom flat money.

Finally, on my thirty-second birthday, I realised there was a distinct possibility that I might never ever find ‘the blonde’.

This was a serious blow. Without the blonde I might never be married, I might never have children – and whilst I could probably cope without being married or having kids, or my blonde actually being a blonde, I couldn’t imagine being single for the rest of my days. That was unacceptable. Something had to be done.

So, for the first time in my life, I started to plan – to make lists, and take control of my own destiny. Many of the techniques in this book are nothing more than the skills I had to develop to avoid a life of bachelorhood. But it worked. Eventually I found the blonde. Took me a few more years, considerable effort on my part, and a somewhat unorthodox approach to dating, but I found her.

And we did marry.

And when she died in my arms three years later I was heartbroken.

People rarely ask me how Kate died. It’s just not the sort of question they feel comfortable asking. Most assume she must have had cancer – that we’d have had some warning. We didn’t.

I was off to our place in Croatia for a few days to finish my novel. Kate drove me to the airport and as she dropped me off she gave me the world’s biggest hug, bit back a few tears, thumped me in the arm, and told me she loved me – and that I’d better call her when I got to the other end.

I walked towards the main airport building, turned to give her one last wave. Something wasn’t right.

I could see our car, but not her.

The next few hours are a bit of a blur. I remember dropping my bags and running back to our vehicle. Taking her in my arms. The lady police officer trying to revive her. I remember the paramedics, the ambulance helicopter, being rushed to the hospital in the back of a police car. And I remember that god-awful waiting room, the stony faces of the doctors as they told me there was nothing they could do, that my wife was gone, and that they’d be switching off the life support machine.

Several hours later I drove our car back to an empty house.

I’ve learnt since that deaths like this (a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage, according to the certificate) are surprisingly common. Kate had had a weak part in her brain, probably since birth, and it could have happened at any moment. It was almost inevitable.

I’ve learnt too that after the shock comes the guilt. Every cross word, every nasty thought, every lie – they all come back to haunt you. And amongst the demons that were queuing up to torment me was the realisation that I wasn’t happy, and maybe I never had been.

There had been happy moments, of course. Quite a lot of moments. Most of them in the previous three years, and most of them down to Kate, but they were moments none the less. I wanted to be happy all the time. Not just occasionally. Not just for a moment. And for the second time in my life I decided to tackle a problem in the only way I knew how: by making plans, and lists, and taking control of my own destiny.

Welcome to How to Do Everything and Be Happy!

If you’re dissatisfied with your life, this book may be for you.

If you want to do something – anything – to increase the amount of happiness you feel, this book is probably for you.

And if you know how to use a pencil, if you own a diary, if you can make a list, if you’re moderately organised, or could be if you had a good enough reason to be, then this book is definitely for you.

Now then, let me tell you about this dream that I have for you …

Why the Long Face?

General Unhappiness

It’s 9am on a Monday morning. The sky is a threatening mix of greys. The wind has slammed every door in the house, taken the lid off the bin, thrown it down the street, and is now attempting to wrestle the trees to the ground. Meanwhile the rain is pounding against the window like it’s trying to get in. It’s not what you need right now, and none of it is doing anything to soothe your hangover. Or is it a headache? Either way, your head pounds as if your skull is slowly being crushed in a vice, and all you can do to ease the pain is rub your eyes – eyes that feel like someone rolled them in chalk dust whilst you slept. All you have to do is make it till lunchtime, and then – maybe – you can sneak out to the car and get your head down for 15 minutes.

Except that it’s not Monday morning. It’s Wednesday afternoon. On a balmy spring day. The sky’s finally realised that when it comes to clouds, less is most definitely more. The only wind is a gentle breeze that carries the sounds of the children from the school opposite. It’s only Monday morning inside your head.

But that’s how you feel all the time. Or most of the time. Enough that it bugs you. Enough that you picked up a book on happiness.

And it’s how I used to feel.

Right now, as I write this book, I estimate 92% of my life was spent being ‘unhappy’.1 Not in an ‘active’ way, just – you know – a bit fed up with life. I had my share of moments where I stared at the cards life had dealt me and wondered how it was possible that there wasn’t a single ace or picture card in my hand. I was ‘a bit disappointed with it all’. There was a general lack of happiness in my days. I was un-happy.

In other words, I was, and very occasionally still am, pretty much like you, and most of the people we know. One of my closest friends once described it like this: ‘I’m not,’ he said, ‘living the life I would have chosen for myself.’

So what’s the cause?

Obviously there are numerous reasons. Therapists, psychologists and sociologists can probably carve them up and categorise them in numerous ways, but there are just three that seem right to me.

Let’s take a closer look at General Unhappiness.

Cause Number 1: Lousy Work/Life Balance

According to ‘popular wisdom’, no one lies on their death bed and thinks to themselves, ‘I really wish I’d spent more time at work.’

Or do they?

Perhaps, out there, there’s some lucky fellow who has, or had, this amazing job, and they either did, or are likely to, lie on their death bed and wish they’d spent more time in the office. Who could that person be?

Let’s consider some possible candidates:

CONTESTANT NUMBER 1:

TOM HANKS

A-LIST HOLLYWOOD ACTOR

You know, I bet even Mr Hanks gets fed up with being an A-list Hollywood Actor. It’s not all glitz, you know. For one thing, there’s the paparazzi, constantly hounding Britney Spears and ignoring Tom. What exactly does an A-list actor have to do to get his picture on the front of a few magazines these days? Where’s the respect? What happened to the days when raw talent was enough to get you noticed? Nowadays those press guys are only interested in shoving a camera in your face when you’re face down in a puddle of something foul.

Will Tom be wishing he spent more time at work when the time comes to visit the big awards ceremony in the sky? Not a chance.

CONTESTANT NUMBER 2:

BILL GATES

CREATOR OF MICROSOFT

Being the second richest man on the planet2 must be quite a buzz.

Thing is though, even if Bill decided to phone in sick, and to lie in bed for the rest of his life, he’d still be amongst the richest people that have ever lived – he doesn’t actually have to work at it any more.

Now he might lie on his death bed and have regrets about Windows 95, Windows Vista, and Office 2007 – as well he should – but that would be a desire to atone for his crimes to humanity. In many ways those heinous errors of judgement might have actually been avoided if Bill had stayed at home once in a while. So when the time comes and Dr Watson walks into the room to tell Bill that there’s been an unexpected error in his Life and it needs to Shut Down, will he wish he’d spent more time at the office?

No.

Next.

CONTESTANT NUMBER 3:

JULIO CASI AMOREO

WORLD’S GREATEST LOVER,

MALE ESCORT &

FIGMENT OF PETER JONES’S IMAGINATION

Maybe there’s someone out there who gets paid to make love to the world’s most fabulously gorgeous women. (What? It could happen!)

On his death bed in his villa, somewhere in southern Italy, surrounded by beautiful, grief-stricken lovers, Julio looks around him and, as a gentle breeze wafts in through the window and plays with his hair, he realises that even though he was managing three or four ladies, every day, for the past twenty years, he still failed to get to them all.

Maybe Julio will wish he’d worked more.

Well done. We thought of someone. Though we had to make him up. And you and I are probably in the minority for believing such a job can be described as ‘work’.

Actually, it occurs to me that we probably need to take a moment to define what ‘work’ is.

This isn’t the dictionary definition, but it’s one that feels right to me:

Work is:

 Anything you have to do (be that earning money, picking the kids up from school, paying bills, sorting through your post, chores, family commitments …)

 Doing whatever it is you need to do to sustain your life (earning money, robbing banks, living off the land …)

And, this being the case, here are some interesting things I’ve noticed about ‘work’:

 Most of us are conditioned to believe that we must work. (Sure, many of us have to work, to earn money for food, clothes, and to keep a home running – but the conditioning is actually a belief that we must work, and that we’re lazy, or stupid, or not pulling our weight if we don’t.)

 Work tends to fill the space available.

 Some bright spark decided that the average working week should be five days out of seven. Five out of seven!

This being the case it’s ridiculously easy to end up with a situation where work totally dominates your life. Where it’s virtually the only thing you do during waking hours.

Try this simple exercise:

Taking no more than thirty seconds, think of three things you did in the last twenty-four hours that don’t fall under my definition of ‘work’.

So, you’re done? What were your three things?

Were they …

1 eating,

2 watching TV, and

3 sleeping?

If you had something better on your list (I’ll let you off if you ‘went out for dinner’) did it take you more than thirty seconds to come up with your list?

Now, I’m not suggesting for one moment that work isn’t necessary and is somehow a bad thing. I’m not proposing that we eliminate work. Work is necessary. But for most people the balance of work and ‘everything else’ in their life is all wrong. And in many cases the ‘everything else’ lacks substance.

Reader ‘Anon’ emailed me:

‘I’m sure a lot of us are in a job we don’t enjoy for one reason or another, and let’s face it, the recession has left us well and truly stuck – it seems far too scary to leave the secure job we have, even if it does make us miserable! I was wondering if you had any practical tips on how to survive doing things which make us unhappy but that we HAVE TO do? Is there a way of finding happiness in a job when we can’t stand our work colleagues or are treated badly by the powers above? Thanks Peter.’

‘Dear Anon,

Not that long ago I used to work in the banking industry. I spent my days telling rich men how to get richer by making poor people poorer. I used to leave the house in the morning and make some passing quip to my wife about how I was off to torture some souls. She’d ask me if I’d forgotten my pitch fork and horns. Like so many things said in jest, it wasn’t actually very funny.

Finally, two years ago I couldn’t take it any more. I went back to see the therapist who helped me through the loss of my wife, and six months later I finally summoned the courage to leave the security of a regular pay cheque behind.

Financially it’s been a tough few months. And as I write this now I’m not quite out of the woods. My outgoings still outweigh my income but ... I have a plan. If things keep going the way they have been I should be supporting myself as a full-time author by the end of the year.

So my dear Anon, whoever you may be, it can be done. You can change your life. I don’t believe in rash decisions, or risking everything ... but life’s too short not to try.

‘Survival’ shouldn’t be your first option.

Best wishes,

Peter.

If, like Anon, ‘work’ has become something you feel you need to ‘survive’, there are three obvious ways to improve your work-life balance:

1 Work less

2 Improve the non-work portion of your life

3 Make work fun (which might involve changing the very nature of what ‘work’ is)

I’ve tried – and am still trying – all three approaches. Maybe you instinctively know that one or all of these might work for you, but try not to get fixated on that right now. Keep that thought in the back of your mind, or better still, jot it on a piece of paper. We’ll come back to it later.

In the meantime let’s move on to the second reason for General Unhappiness.

Cause Number 2: Lack of Control

Run down the following list and keep a count in your head of the number of times you say, ‘Yes, that applies to me.’