Читать книгу: «Letting Go!»

1

EMMA DANIELS sat in the break room looking gloomily at her sprouts-and-avocado sandwich. Beside the sandwich sat a supersize bar of white chocolate which she determinedly ignored.

I deserve this candy bar for holding my head up, but if I eat candy then I won’t be able to get into my skinny clothes so I can start the whole dating thing again.

Dating.

She sank lower in her seat, sighing at the dismal thought.

Since it was after two o’clock in the afternoon, she had the break room to herself, until her friend Tina Henderson breezed in looking like a million bucks in her green Gucci suit. Emma sat up straighter in her chair.

“Are you still mooning over that chocolate bar?”

“It’s a different one. I’m eating a new kind everyday.”

“You’re lying through those pearly whites. Have you been using whitening stripes again?”

Emma looked up. “I’m preparing for the most grueling ritual of our time—dating. That thing you do so effortlessly, like managing to look fresh in this humidity. My stupid hair’s frizzing all over the place.” She tugged self-consciously on her braid; it had been raining in Jacksonville, Florida, all month long.

“How can your hair curl? You’re wearing that French braid so tight my head aches in sympathy.”

Emma grimaced. “I’m thinking of getting it professionally straightened. How’d the case go?”

“Great. Easy. We won. When are you going to quit fooling around as a paper pusher and go back to school? I need someone sharp to be my paralegal. I need you.” Tina opened the fridge.

“I missed the deadline for night school again.”

“Why? I thought you were serious this time.”

“I am. But Melissa needed me. We’re getting everyone ready for the installation of the new computer program. It’s supposed to save all kinds of time and money and she begged me and then she bribed me with heavy overtime and used her I-know-what’s-best-for-you voice. The upside is I managed to pay off my credit cards. The downside is I was so busy I didn’t realize the deadline had come and gone.” Emma stuck out one foot, clad in a Jimmy Choo shoe. “I ended up shopping just to console myself. But next semester’s deadline is on my calendar in red ink and I’m not going to miss it no matter who needs me. This time I’m going to make sure I do something for myself.”

Thinking about her future security made her thoughts stray to her father’s midlife crisis. “You can only rely on yourself, and I’m not going to allow anyone else to sidetrack me this time,” she said hesitantly.

“That’s an excellent observation but I’m still afraid I’ll be retiring before you get around to it.”

Emma grimaced. “Part of the problem is that I like being secretary to a partner. It’s interesting and challenging. I just wish there was a little more respect and money to go along with the title.”

“Everyone in the office respects you.”

Emma shook her head. “Not everyone. School is definitely the way to go. Speaking of paralegals, did you hire Lee Matheson?”

“I should. He’s hot.” Tina shot her a look. “Did you know he’s engaged?”

Emma swung her foot in frustration; at least it looked good in her new shoes. “I know. While I was thinking about calling him, someone else snagged him. It’s like I’m the queen of hesitation. While I’m burning time calculating the pros and cons of a situation, I miss out. But I’m working on it.”

Tina made a sympathetic noise and then poked around inside the fridge. “What’s in here that belongs to you? I’m starving and I’m ready to mooch. Why are you eating so late anyway? Is Melissa looking down her nose at you over those granny glasses, guilting you into working harder? And they call me The Shark,” Tina said with obvious satisfaction.

“No, she’s in court today. I just didn’t feel very hungry.” Emma pushed her sandwich towards the other side of the table. “Here, you can eat the avocado and sprouts. I’ve got three rice bowls in the freezer for emergencies.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Tina said reverently.

Emma got up to look in the freezer. She certainly was no shark, just a wuss, but she planned to work on it.

Tina pounced on the sandwich. “I sure could have used you today in court when the defendant got so nervous she spilled water all over my notes. You would have had the notes copied in triplicate.”

I’m definitely the queen of triplicate.

Emma examined the generic chicken-and-rice picture on one of the rice bowls. Being cautious was supposed to keep her life from becoming chaotic, but it had become mind-numbing.

“Hey, Emma, what’s wrong? You’re scowling at a rice bowl.”

Emma shoved the rice bowl back into the freezer and turned to face her successful friend. “I just feel left behind. I passed on Lee that day he flirted with me because I was waffling, and then I ended up with Brad.”

“I thought you might be hiding out here because of Brad.”

Emma refused to shed the tears clogging her throat. “He embarrassed the hell out of me.”

“Yes, I know he did.” Tina put the sandwich down again. “He got fired. That should make you feel a little better.”

“He got caught in the copy room with Angela. How could he care so little about me that he’d grope a woman’s breasts at the place where we both work? And that’s after he gave me the lecture about how I’m settling for a job that’s beneath me. Obviously, nothing’s beneath him—though I suppose Angela was.” She sighed.

“Everyone knows who gets things done around here. Brad’s just an idiot. He didn’t really care about your job title or he wouldn’t have gone after a clerk.”

Emma looked down at her chest. “A double-D clerk.”

Tina smiled. “On your frame, double-D’s would look ridiculous. Besides, Angela’s are fake.”

Emma leaned forward. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, she almost got fired for taking such a long leave after the surgery. Essentially, Brad was groping silicone.”

Emma almost chuckled. “Did he have to do it here? I can’t even come in here during the lunch hour for all of the sympathetic glances. It drives me crazy. The only good thing is that I don’t have to see them for a few days. They’re getting trained on the new system this week. I’m just following up, making sure everyone’s completed the course and I can do most of it by e-mail.”

“What happened to the personal touch? Everyone’s concerned because you’re hiding in your office.”

Emma shrugged.

“You’re making too big a deal out of this.”

“Am I?” She shook her head. “Why didn’t Brad just insist we have sex? I wanted sex, just not right away. I thought we should have a few dates to get to know each other before we jumped into a physical relationship.”

Tina humphed. “You didn’t have sex with Brad because there wasn’t any chemistry. A part of you recognized he was a loser.”

“Maybe.” Emma shrugged. “So I’m back to dating. And it sucks big-time. Either I hesitate and the guy turns out to be a great guy, or I jump in and the guy’s a loser. I always seem to get my heart broken or my pride stepped on. Why do we do this? It’s like a series of bad job interviews with sex.” She jiggled her leg again, “Maybe I should get my belly button pierced or a tattoo.”

Tina smirked. “You’re too practical for a navel ring. A little tattoo might be okay but you should get something like that to make a statement. It should mean something. I hate it when some guy just gets one because he’s under the influence of alcohol and a bunch of idiots convinced him to put his girlfriend’s name on his neck.”

Emma couldn’t help but grin. “Only you would think a tattoo was a rite of passage. And why do we bother with men anyway?”

Emma couldn’t admit to Tina she had always wanted a tattoo and hadn’t yet had the guts to get one.

“We bother with dating because men have better anatomical equipment than we can buy on the Internet.”

“That’s pretty crude, girlfriend.” Emma smirked.

“How long has it been since you’ve challenged yourself when it came to men? Really gone for it when it came to romance?”

“Since the word romance isn’t usually part of your vocabulary, let me guess what you really mean. This must be about the singles’ cruise to the Bahamas.”

Tina picked at the sprouts on her plate. “Darcy bugged out on me. I desperately need a roommate. I just put a huge down payment on my new condo, so I could really use the group discount they’re offering.”

“You’ve already talked some of the staff into going. And I don’t know about a singles’ cruise. It sounds kinda desperate.”

“Lighten up. It’ll be fun.”

“You can’t think you need to go on a singles’ cruise.”

“Just think of it as a love boat. I’m going because it’s a chance to relax and enjoy the company of single men. Dating takes too much time away from court.” She stretched out her arms. “I’m looking forward to hot summer nights and sultry summer days.”

Emma smiled. “You mean hot, sultry sex. But I’ve heard their cruises really do rock.”

“Come and find out for yourself.”

“You don’t need me.”

Tina took a sip of water. “Yes I do. There’s no one going that I’d want to share a bathroom with.”

“How can you have a fling, with me in your room? I might cramp your style.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll manage a fling with or without a roommate. I’ll show you how it’s done. Come on. It’ll be fun.”

Emma hesitated. “Having a fling on a cruise sounds so…dangerous.”

“Couldn’t get much worse than Brad.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Are you looking for something long-term? Do you think that’s safer? Have you looked at the divorce statistics? I know a couple of lawyers who specialize in divorce and they make a lot more money than I do.”

Emma pulled the corner of the candy-bar wrapper open. “Considering that my parents got divorced after twenty-five years of marriage, you have a valid point.”

“Go on the cruise with me, score a little romance, practice safe sex while you’re going for the gusto, and learn how to scuba or snorkel or Jet Ski even. It’ll be an adventure. Then, when you come back, everyone will be talking about you instead of your ex.” Tina winked.

Emma could imagine a little romance on a moonlit beach. It felt like a decade since she’d had sex. Could she leave the wussy behind and be a pussy-cat? She smiled at her own audacity. Tina would have been proud if Emma could have said it without blushing.

Why do I have to second-guess everything, anyway?

Even the thought of the cruise had her thinking differently. “Maybe if I were more spontaneous my life would be more interesting,” she said tentatively.

“Honey, when you run into the right man it’ll be more than interesting—it’ll be sizzling.”

“On the cruise I won’t have to look for anything further in a man than a nice tan and a great body—since I’m not taking him home or anything.” Emma pulled more of the wrapper off the candy and then she set it down again. “I wouldn’t even have to consider a future with a man I’m never going to see again. I could concentrate on living in the moment.”

“That’s my girl.”

She nodded decisively. “Let’s use the computer in my office to sign me up for the cruise. I think a moonlit beach and a gorgeous playboy might be just the thing. I could really go for it.”

“Just so long as it is covered with a condom.”

“I’m going to do anything and everything on this cruise.”

Tina laughed. “Down, girl. Be gentle.”

Emma smiled to herself as she got up to choose a rice bowl. She reached into the freezer looking for the chicken in spicy peanut sauce she’d grabbed by mistake in the grocery store. She ripped the wrapper before she could change her mind.

“You know,” she told Tina as she thrust the bowl into the microwave and then headed toward the table to scoop up the chocolate “I think I might have developed an appetite after all.” Emma bit into the delicious white chocolate with a smile of pure ecstasy. “I don’t know what I’ve been waiting for. From now on I’m going to be eating my dessert first.”

TONY ENDERLIN looked around the tiny stateroom with trepidation. “Why did I think this would be okay?” he asked himself aloud, fighting a severe case of claustrophobia. “I shouldn’t be here.”

In all fairness the cabin wasn’t tiny and the ceiling was high enough for his six-foot frame to clear with room to spare, but it was the illusion of smallness that had him breathing hard. The way the doors sealed made him feel as if there wasn’t enough air in the room.

Once, when he’d been six years old, he’d followed his cousin into one of those big, silver drainage pipes and then his cousin had hidden from him. In his hysteria Tony had actually run the wrong way, into a smaller pipe, where he’d tripped over the carcass of a long-dead animal and then slid into a puddle of rank water.

Small debris had fallen down on him every time he’d tried to get to his feet so he’d huddled in the dark with his imagination on Fast Forward while his body was firmly on Pause. That had been the longest twenty minutes of Tony’s life. He’d been unable to move, even when his cousin had finally located him. That panic always crept back to choke him in closed-in areas, despite his best attempts to control his weakness.

That was one of the reasons he’d chosen Denver to call home; he’d never feel claustrophobic on a mountain. He threw himself down on the bed, rolled over on his back, and closed his eyes, pretending he was out on the deck with the endless blue sky above him. Slowly, his breathing smoothed out.

See how easy it is to stay in control? he told himself.

Except this cruise had really thrown him off.

One of the guys from the office had booked the private room on the cruise ship after a big fight with his girlfriend, and then they’d made up and eloped the very next day. As a married man, the guy couldn’t very well go on a singles’ cruise unless he wanted a divorce, so he’d offered Tony the opportunity to go on the cruise.

Aw, tell the truth. You’re here because Emma Daniels is here.

It seemed she’d been persuaded to go on the singles’ cruise to recuperate from her embarrassing boyfriend fiasco, and then the ticket had become available for him to use. Tony’s Mexican grandmother, who’d given him his middle name of Andres, would praise the saints and call it fate, in fluent Spanish.

Tony called it opportunity. And he could have done so in fluent Spanish if he was so inclined.

Could a woman really be worth all of this trouble?

Oh yeah. Emma had a quick mind and a wicked sense of humor. And that body. Who would have known the siren would have a body to match the sultry voice?

Since he’d been on site in Jacksonville, he’d only seen her through the window or from down the hall. Her dark blond hair always seemed to be trying to curl out of the braid thing she wore. It actually looked kinda nice, like a crown or something. Maybe that was why he thought she looked like a princess. But he didn’t want to rescue her. He just wondered how her hair might look spread out and curling on a pillow.

Her height seemed average and her weight was just right, curvy in all the right places. Her eyes were blue. Or so he believed. Tony hadn’t gotten nearly close enough to see her eyes and not for a lack of trying.

Fate or opportunity?

It didn’t matter what you called it. He planned to get to know Emma Daniels. She’d looked so vulnerable sitting in the break room in the middle of the afternoon. And Tony hadn’t found the opportunity to talk to her in person, though her witty e-mails had kept him going and she’d called his cell phone over concerns for the new software. Anderson-Harding was a big place and he’d seen it all except for the one person he wanted to meet.

He grinned, thinking of one particular lawyer who’d used up all of his RAM downloading porn, some of which had actually made Tony uncomfortable. Especially since one of the blondes on the screen had looked enough like Emma to spark all kinds of thoughts he’d be better off not thinking. He’d obviously been devoting too much time developing his new program.

Perhaps that was why Emma had made such an impression on him—too many long hours at the computer with only her voice on the phone to lure him away from the keyboard. He’d looked forward to their conversations, even when they were discussing the most casual topics. Her satiny-smooth voice had curled around him. The husky laugh had stimulated his imagination.

So when he’d picked up and traveled to Florida from Denver, it wasn’t for the beaches. He’d needed to put a face to the voice that haunted his dreams.

This is silly. She’s just a woman. Not a siren. Or medieval princess. It’s my imagination that’s my enemy. Emma’s just a regular girl who will bore me to distraction after a couple of dates. Then I’ll welcome getting back to my latest computer program.

Right now he couldn’t concentrate. He couldn’t work. He didn’t like unsolved puzzles and his reaction to Emma was a puzzle. A puzzle he intended to take apart piece by piece until the enchantment went away.

I’ll never know if I stay here feeling like the ceiling’s coming down on my head.

Impatient with wasting his time and eager to begin his vacation and his quest, Tony climbed off the bunk, wincing only a little at his head’s close proximity to the ceiling.

He went over to his duffel bag and reached inside for his swimsuit. Time to relax in a lounge chair by the pool and have a drink. Out where the sky was the limit and fate could take a leap.

Tony fully intended to enjoy his vacation. Maybe he’d pretend he was a player. He could do it. Warming to the idea, he smiled to himself. He’d play the hell outta the women on the cruise. After all, they expected to be romanced. It would be fun, like living in one of his role-playing games. And it would be smart to spread himself around, rather than spend all his time focused on Emma, a woman who couldn’t possibly live up to what he’d built her up to be. He might even have a go at the slick lady lawyer.

TINA STEPPED over the lip of the doorway leading into the cabin. She noted that the bunks looked comfortable tucked against the wall and there was more floor space than she’d anticipated. The balcony door was covered by a colorful curtain. “I just love having a cabin with a balcony. It feels so luxurious,” she announced.

Emma didn’t look up from unpacking her suitcases. “The balcony’s great. I just hope I won’t be spending the entire cruise out there staring at the water because I’m too chicken to mingle with the men. All week I’ve been a nervous wreck anticipating this cruise.”

“You won’t have any trouble. Why are you unpacking so diligently? I left my luggage with a handsome young man—Italian, I think, although his English was gorgeous.”

Emma finally looked up from where she’d been sorting the clothing. “I can’t find anything—”

“Oh wow! What have you done to your hair?”

Emma reached up to touch the straight hair just brushing the tops of her shoulders. “I got it cut and highlighted. Then the hairdresser sold me some expensive mousse that actually tames the frizz. It’s your fault. You kept telling me that French braids were definitely out.”

Tina took the few steps separating them in the small cabin, tossed her bag on her bunk, then fluffed Emma’s hair with her fingers. “It looks fabulous. Kind of ‘rock star’ and ‘waif’ at the same time. Maybe I should go back to being a blonde.” She patted her own hair into place.

“I love yours. Every time it’s different and yet just right. How do you do that?”

“I pay a hairdresser outrageously to know what to do. All I care about is that it changes once in a while. I don’t like to be bored. In fact I don’t remember exactly what my natural color is,” she teased her friend.

“Why can’t I be more adventurous like you?” Emma mused.

“Because you’re so perfect at being Emma. Why would you want to be me? Your problem is that you don’t see yourself very clearly.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve got all the basic equipment to be gorgeous, interesting and seductive but you don’t always follow through.”

“I’m not sure I know how.”

“Why let idiots like Brad define you? Gorgeous is just making the most of your assets. Oh, that reminds me…” Tina walked over to the bed and rifled through Emma’s suitcase until she came across a one-piece bathing suit, which she ceremoniously dropped in the trash can beside the desk in the compact cabin. “And I do mean assets. You’ll need to buy a thong in the ship’s store.”

“A thong? I couldn’t wear a thong!”

“Why not?” Tina patted Emma on the butt. “Honey, you’ve got the ass. Just get used to showing it off.”

“I brought a skinny little black dress like you told me.” Emma gazed longingly at the trash can.

“That’s good. A little black dress is a must. And I brought some amazing makeup. The new you will be a striking, mysterious creature who doesn’t tell all of the truth but just enough to be interesting.”

“I’m not very good at lying.” Her voice rose. “Why do I have to lie?”

“Why not? You’re never going to see any of these men again. Anyway, I didn’t say to lie. I just said to make the truth more interesting. You can even tell him something so true you’ve never told anyone else. Be daring. You’re playing a game. The men on a singles’ cruise expect you to play games and they really want to play along.”

Emma seemed to be mulling that over; she tapped her chin with her forefinger as she usually did when she was thinking. The girl was brilliant. And pretty. And she didn’t have a catty bone in her body. That was why she and Tina were such good friends. Emma had confidence where it counted, she didn’t see Tina as a threat, as most women did. She just saw her as a friend.

“Hey, are you in there?” Tina prodded as she bent down to retrieve her overnight case.

Sinking down on the empty bunk, Emma said, “It was so amazing standing outside on the dock beside the huge ship, knowing I was the one going aboard. All kinds of possibilities seemed to be beckoning me. When they sounded a horn somewhere on the dock, it actually gave me a shiver.”