Читать книгу: «Emotions rule», страница 3

All of a sudden Sven did a headstand.

‘Um, is it what Germans do when they listen to hip-hop?’ wondered Yulya to herself and asked out loud, ‘Can I use your washroom?’

Filip waved his hand in the direction of the washroom.

As the Red-haired reached the secret room she opened the cold water tap to prevent others from hearing her toilet procedure sounds. How inventive she considered herself every time she did it, and how wasteful Europeans would consider her doing so.

Chapter 3

One week had passed. What would the other three weeks bring? The girlies were eager to visit different places in Europe. Since they had classes on workdays, only weekends were available to hit the road. Their only plan was to see Amsterdam. They bought the cheapest train tickets they could find and headed for Amsterdam with no particular plan. They could walk along the Red Light District, perhaps admire sexy ladies in the shop windows and just sightsee whatever there was in the guidebook.

‘I would not want to stand out there and seduce passing-by men. And hope that my next client would be just a jolly healthy young stud longing for a healthy sex, not a fucking maniac or something. I wonder what made them take up such a job?’ Yulya finished her monologue of wonder, pity, and disgust while staring at the window ladies.

‘I bet you don’t really wanna know this, hun. It’s not the good life, not the happy circumstances that persuaded them to do the first step in this direction. But who knows, maybe some girlies do love their occupation and treat it like a hobby,’ summarized Tanya nonchalantly in a low voice watching the half-naked bodies. Fringe seemed to enjoy the talk and kept speculating, ‘I heard bisexuality is pretty common in Europe. So these ladies might even take care of women too.’

‘Are you serious?’ exclaimed Yulya raising her eyebrows.

‘Yup. Say, a man wants to fuck, like really, really badly, he can’t help it. But he doesn’t have a constant partner. What should he do? Go masturbate? Hire a hooker? Or just go to a bar and maybe find someone who wants to fuck also really, really badly? And it doesn’t much matter what sex the person would be as long as he is satisfied in the end… or in the end, it doesn’t much matter for these ladies,’ Fringe waved in the direction of the window girls, ‘who they’re going to deal with as long as they get paid… it’s just a routine job for them, no feelings involved,’ finished Tanya with an air of an expert.

‘Ew, you are always so harsh in explaining things, sweetie,’ commented Yulya.

‘But that’s the case,’ Tanya defended herself.

‘Or… the man should just go and do sports instead of screwing hell-knows-who when his hormones are playing dirty tricks on him. Otherwise, one might end up developing some perverse habit or even some unhealthy mania. It’s so unnatural in my opinion. Men have penises, women vaginas, a simple puzzle like that. A stick fits into a hole. What are they supposed to do when it’s two penises or two vaginas?’ Yulya expressed herself vigorously.

Tanya seemed to ignore Yulya’s comment and proceeded with an air of a news presenter, ‘But the same happens with animals… Say, cattle are grazing and nature is calling some cows to have sex, in other words, oestrus, when their organism wants sex to make offspring, but, unfortunately, there are no bulls around. What are the cows to do when they are itchy inside? They mount other cows…The same with people. Itchy inside, why not have sex with anyone around.’

Katya finally interfered, ‘Yes, Yulya, arses for men, fingers for women as a helping aid. But if you wanna know the procedure, perhaps you should try it with a girl, she will be your manual. Anyway, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone and both sides are willing, I see no harm in any possible variation. Yes, there’re cases of the same sex who feel love emotions to each other, so just accept it, sweetie.’ She produced a long sigh, noticed her comment made no particular persuasive effect and pushed the two speculating friends of hers farther, ‘Come on, we have lotsa other things to see, not only playboy girls.’

With a sour face, Red-haired shrugged her shoulders to the unsatisfying answer. On seeing the strengthening disgust on Yulya’s freckled face, Fringe changed the topic asking, ‘And what about coffeeshops then?’

‘I thought we’ve talked it through, ladies,’ reminded Blondie pushing them gently forward.

‘I know, but I still don’t understand your point. We are in Holland. And who knows maybe we’ll never be here again. We must have a smoke. I know you think it could be dangerous, but, come on, almost every Dutch does it. Look, they are still alive! Americans even consider marijuana a medicine,’ Tanya was waving her arms trying to persuade prudent Blondie.

‘I don’t wanna do it, cuz I’ve heard stories. Besides, a person can have a lot of fun without drinking or smoking or getting high. And yes, it can be dangerous,’ Katya explained herself.

‘Why don’t we eat a cake with hashish at least. I heard it’s not that strong as a joint. Just a new experience? And you don’t need to try it if you don’t want to, just come with us,’ Red-haired joined Tanya’s floor of persuasion.

‘Fine, fine, let’s go to a coffeeshop, otherwise, you’ll never leave me alone. I’ll come cuz I wanna see the place, watch you get stupid, and take pictures. But, only in the evening! First, we see the sights!’ Blondie agreed finally and performed a theatrical evil laugh anticipating interesting snaps.

Till seven p.m. the trio managed to see the Van Gogh paintings, Rembrandt House Museum, and take an Amstel River tour. Time for the coffeeshop!

Being pioneers in coffeeshops they were advised against space cakes stuffed with cannabis. To start with, they ordered just two pre-rolled joints which were a mixture of cannabis and tobacco. Katya ordered just water, which was damn expensive, and got comfortable to watch the ladies get high. The time was creeping very slowly now. Katya noticed the friends’ eyes get glossy and red. They started giggling.

‘Ok, you were right, nothing dangerous so far. Just silly giggling girls,’ commented Katya.

Tanya and Yulya looked at each other and started laughing even louder.

‘Still, I don’t regret not having tried it,’ Katya said aloud but seemed as if to herself, as the girls were covered in their laughter not paying much attention to her. The only thing she regretted was that they hadn’t had dinner first but headed to this place as she felt her stomach rumble with hunger.

Chapter 4

Arriving back to Berlin meant resuming the Berlin routine.

As usual, Katya woke up, shaved her legs and armpits, and washed with a cherry shower gel, the smell of which would remind her of Berlin for the rest of her life. Then she would walk up to Yulya to wake her up. To Tanya, she would come up two or three times, and sometimes she would even succeed in pulling her out of bed.

Days were passing. The three Russians and two Germans saw each other from time to time, having lots of laughter-giraffter.

Once, on a perfect July day, the girlies were invited to a picnic in Volkspark Wilmersdorf by their learning German internationals. What a grand event for them! Lots of jovial youngsters hanging out in a park, with food and drinks!

Everyone seemed to be under a happy spell. The sun was shining in their faces! Birds were chirping in the trees. Multiple trees were stretching out their green fluffy arms all over to offer a shadowy shelter. A blue clear endless dome was hanging above. What else can a soul desire? A hearty meal! And the ladies were hungry like hell as they hadn’t eaten the whole day.

As the bottles were opened, Katya emptied her first plastic cup of wine at a go. And she instantly felt herself somewhat high in the bright blue sky. Tuned to the sun’s energy Blondie seemed to be in her childish mood, annoying everyone like kids do. Having small-talked to every possible soul in their circle, Katya approached Fil. He was busy talking to Tanya. Was that an obstacle? Katya sat beside him and tickled his knee.

‘Stop it!’ came his reaction. What kid would stop after such a phrase? Apparently, that was exactly the motto for kids meaning Do it again! Thus, the hungry girl tickled him again and again, smiling, watching his reaction.

‘Hey! If you do it again, you’ll be in trouble!’ Mr. Curly Hair pronounced like some mafia boss warning his victim for the last and only time with playful malice. Soon Filip learnt that the silly kindergarten girl was in a playground mood that sunny afternoon. And his last words were understood as not only Do it again! but as green lights, the encouraging non-stop signal, meaning C’mon, tickle me to death, Katushka!

Thus, the silly-goose girl was obliged to tickle him again. In a second she knew not how she was lying on the grass on her back with Filip sitting atop her. It was not the happy look of under him at last, but the look, how the fuck did that happen?

The rest of the evening the two spent fighting with each other. You know, like puppies do bite each other when playing? After the picnic everyone was aware of Katya-and-Filip’s mutual non-indifference towards each other. No wonder everyone was asking if they were a couple. Funny enough, the two of them kept on denying it, even to themselves. And yes, they were grown-up people who behaved like… kids? More like overgrown kids…

The next morning Katya woke up with bruises all over her body. Definitely, something to remember Filip by. Was it their way of showing love to each other?

Chapter 5

This time it was Filip who invited them to have a meal at his Mum’s apartment. Filip’s Mum was away on holiday. So it was the perfect time to occupy her decent apartment on the top of the house, where there was a nice wooden terrace with a dining table and four chairs. Sven couldn’t make it that day. Was he to practice his headstand instead?

As they went to the place they bumped into a playground with a merry-go-round that looked like a big bowl that was fastened to the ground in the middle. While Tanya and Yulya decided not to be stupid, Katya, on the contrary, placed her bum down onto the bowl merry-go-round. Filip began to spin it.

The playground whirled faster and faster in Katya’s eyes. The whole world became a mess of various colours. As she started to feel dizzy, she yelled, ‘Enough! Stop!’

But that time she completely forgot that stop-phrase worked like encouragement for kids. So Mr. Curly Hair started to spin even faster… and there Katya flew! Was it dropping like a stone more like? Her bum landing on the ground. As Katya heard sorry, she briskly glanced at Filip. A pitiful look was readable on his face.

‘Never mind,’ Katya heard herself say, a cold angry look froze on her face. All of them resumed walking in silence; Katya shook off the dust from her skirt and observed the scratches on her elbow.

What a lovely apartment Filip’s Mum had! Having understood from the previous time that girls were not really inclined to choose their music, Mr. Curly Hair took the liberty of turning on funk.

Everyone agreed on a vegetable stew, and Tanya volunteered to cook the dinner. Too many cooks would spoil the broth, so Fringe commanded not to disturb her. Katya set the table on the terrace and soon joined Filip and Yulya watching his childhood pictures. Soon one could make out the smell of heated olive oil, frying onion, eggplant, and pepper. A carrot too perhaps, if fried carrots do have a particular smell.

As they all sat to the table, they pretended to eat like high-class society – speaking on social themes, weather, and so on. They praised Tanya’s culinary masterpiece. But their performance didn’t last long, as they switched to reminiscing funny stories from their school times, forgetting about the knives, waving their forks in a cloud of agitated laughter.

Perhaps all of them would remember Filip’s hilarious but remorseful story of catching a guy from a lower grade and sliding a mop into both of his sleeves. The guy was not able to put down his arms but was to walk like the red, little traffic light man, the symbol of Berlin, with his arms outstretched.

Tanya might even keep the memory of the taste of the red wine and funk music playing in the background with sudden beeping sounds coming from the cars below. Perhaps Yulya would remember multiple city roofs and the night sky. Katya – Filip’s smile and the fresh summer night air.

Or maybe they would remember all of it?

How could Yulya be moody at such a pleasant night? No one noticed when her mood had changed. She kept herself quiet staring nowhere in particular; a melancholic air was readable on her freckled face.

‘I’m going home. Thanks for the eve, Fil. I’ll see you tomorrow, girls,’ Red-haired reported and took her dirty plate to the kitchen’s sink.

‘Why so early? Stay! We’ll sleep here, no need to go home!’ Filip had to yell at Yulya’s back, his forehead instantly covered with wrinkles.

‘Leave her, Fil. I know this girl. If Yulya wants to be alone, let it be so,’ warned him Katya.

When Yulya left, Filip brought out a bright rug and placed it on the wooden floor, and lay atop. The girls understood it as a welcoming gesture. In an instant, three weirdos lay on a small rug on the roof watching stars, if any could be seen from a big city lit with hundreds of lights.

Before leaving Yulya thought she would want to return in the morning and be a lovely surprise to everyone bringing something to eat for breakfast. So she left the door slightly open by putting Katya’s flat-shoe in the doorway, so the door wouldn’t lock.

On stepping outside, Red-haired dived into the street world. Brightly lit pictures everywhere. Sparkling windows. People in cafes and bars gulping their beers. The city noise was like an orchestra as if rehearsing before a performance tuning their instruments. Glasses clinked. The jolly chatting buzzed. Passing cars whistled. Yulya could also make out a mixture of different smells. Perfume. Pizza. Drinks. Exhaust fumes.

‘Excuse me,’ a young chap sitting on a cafe terrace addressed Yulya loudly, ‘Can I take a picture of you? You know, you don’t often see high-heels around here.’

‘Go ahead,’ Red-haired responded and struck a pose.

As the chap got up to take a picture he spoke again, ‘I’ll show the pic to my girlfriend to let her know what drives me on.’

He took a shot and said, ‘Thanks. Have a good evening!’

‘Oh, bear in mind high-heels aren’t very comfortable,’ added Yulya.

‘How do you wear them then?’ he wondered.

‘I’m used to them. I’ve been wearing heels since fourteen. I didn’t like being short, so the heels helped me out really. Well, have a good eve!’ Red-haired answered with a pleasant smile and walked on.

She remembered how she used to change her high-heels for trainers to go for a walk with her ex after school. With thoughts of her ex-boyfriend, she came home to wash off the day that was coming to an end.

In bed. Lights still on. Again Yulya thought of Dima, her first and only boyfriend. Was she missing him? Or was she just feeling lonely and wanted to cuddle up against any male flesh? Suddenly Red-haired felt irritation towards him. Irritation that, even though it was SHE who had broken up with him, he wasn’t with her now. Irritation that he hadn’t written her or called her, even though she’d told him not to bother her for some time. Irritation that he hadn’t come up with some strategy to win her back, even though she’d told him their relationship wasn’t going anywhere but standing on one and the same spot. Realizing this she finally shaped her conclusion into a clear thought, ‘If he doesn’t need me anymore, then this is the end of our story. Good riddance. I’m officially free then.’

Yulya tossed in her bed drowning in her overemotional state. She jumped out of bed. In semi-darkness, she fished out a ciggie and a lighter from her purse and landed on the windowsill. Lit a ciggie, puffed at it twice and for the first time, she was feeling a real relief smoking. She was really enjoying it. She took a long drag feeling the smoke in her lungs and with it her worries. She became aware of the tension knot inside her, she imagined it untie and exhaled it together with the smoke. As Red-haired finished her smoke, she felt serene and sleepy. Now she had no problems falling asleep.

Meanwhile, Mr. Curly Hair and the two Russian girlies decided to turn in. Three of them perfectly fit in Filip’s Mum’s bed yawning and telling night-night to each other. Filip in the middle of the two Russians. What a lucky man he was, wasn’t he? A dilemma for him? He was magnetized to Katya, but he couldn’t make out her real feelings towards him. There was some invisible obstacle between them. At the same time, like any man, he was attracted to Tanya’s curves. While Filip brooded on his dilemma, Tanya was already asleep as her quiet snoring was filling the room.

Some other thoughts whirled in Katya’s head, ‘Damn, I can’t bring myself to embrace him or just take his hand. Stupid, stupid me…’ She struggled for a moment, and miraculously simultaneously their sweaty hands magnetized to each other with great tension. Fingers between fingers. The heat was rising up between their hands, but stupidly enough they never dared go further than that. What unhealthy suppression of emotions, wasn’t it?

In the morning the newly-made trio was awakened by some noise from the kitchen.

‘Is your Mum back?’ whispered Tanya to Filip as she saw him open his eyes.

‘No, can’t be,’ reassured her Fil and got out of bed to see what was going on.

‘Morning!’ said Yulya joyfully, ‘I brought some sandwiches and coffee. Where are the girls? I hope you’re not a maniac and they are alive.’

‘Mhm, looks great,’ said Filip ignoring the question about the girls and sat to table, ‘No need to wake up the girls. I might want another helping of this yumminess.’

‘Heeeeeeey, you,’ came the loud protest from behind. Tanya rubbed her eyes and joined in munching, ‘I’m hungry too, no helpings for you today, man!’

Overhearing the kitchen talk Katya had the resilience to get up as she didn’t want to face Filip. She didn’t understand him and herself as well. Why wasn’t any of them making the first step? But she made herself get up, head to the washroom first, and finally join in in the breakfast.

Filip hardly dared to look at Katya either. And both put on the I-am-so-important mask. And when their eyes occasionally met, the wooden look covered their eyes and the WhatevEERR glance was on.

Chapter 6

Did Sven feel a little sad about having missed the terrace dinner? He was on holiday while all his other friends were working, only Filip and the Russian trio were not. So why be bored? He invited everyone to his place to try his Eintopf. The ladies were to learn that Eintopf was a German dish that combined the first and second courses, basically, a soup with lots of different vegetables and meat, but thicker. It could be called a stew as well.

Just before the Eintopf party, the trio was getting themselves ready to the sounds of the TV music. Tanya was feeling energized from inside. Was it positive or negative energy? In a little more than a week, she would have her periods. She was in a hyper mood but in the mood of a sex-hungry lassie. She knew the feeling but she couldn’t do anything about it at the moment so she nudged Blondie instead, ‘Hey, Katushka, when on earth will you or Fil make the first step? You know the time is racing, we’re leaving soon.’

‘Whenever I feel like doing it… Another half of the question I guess wasn’t addressed to me,’ Katya snapped back.

‘We know why you are waiting, but what’s holding him, I’m in doubt,’ commented Yulya exhaling a cloud of smoke through her nose. She was sitting on the windowsill, being first to have dressed.

‘Maybe he is gay,’ suspected Tanya putting on her huge earrings.

‘He is not gay,’ retorted Katya again putting on her red tank top.

‘Who knows…Men normally take what they want right away and don’t hesitate so long,’ kept on Tanya.

‘Why don’t you mind your own business!?’ retorted Blondie, her voice gathering up notes of malice, ‘Besides, if you hadn’t been much flirting with him, it could’ve been easier for me to figure out his inclinations towards me.’

‘Beg your pardon?’ asked Fringe with an air of bewilderment turning around to face Blondie. Katya turned around to face her opponent in response.

‘Yes, you heard it. I said to mind your own business. You know I fancy Filip. And I know you don’t. So leave him alone. You just have this stupid habit of flirting around, basically, with anyone who stares at your breasts, well, even with those who don’t. You just fucking marvel why a guy doesn’t stare at your ‘big blue eyes’, so you instinctively begin to flirt intensely,’ finished Blondie and turned to the mirror.

‘You’re just being jealous!’ Fringe defended herself but was obliged to recollect her behavior with Mr. Curly Hair. Perhaps the latter was right a bit and Tanya had been behaving herself with a flirty air, but she couldn’t help it, she was a woman. How else was she supposed to be around men?

‘Mhm, maybe I was flirting a bit. But that’s me. I do flirt with men. I’ll try to hold myself back a little. Deal, Virgin?’ Tanya uttered in her slightly raucous voice willing to make up and stretched out a hand like a businessman. With men, she behaved like a flirting little birdie while with her like she was rather unpretentious and business-like.

Katya stared at Tanya’s hand and took it, ‘Deal, Boobie Witch!’

Fringe instantly pulled Blondie into her embrace, ‘Witch yourself! Boobie? Boobster sounds better!’ They both burst out laughing, their hug dissolving the remaining hints of offense in their bodies.

‘Sounds like new food for your tongue-twister inspiration,’ Red-haired commented on the hug scene and put out her ciggie adding, ‘Baby Boobie Boobster boosted boobs to become a blockbuster bosom.’

Katya and Tanya turned to Red-haired uttering simultaneously, ‘Not bad!’

The gang of Yulya, Tanya, Katya and Filip arrived at Neukölln district. They popped into a supermarket to buy some wine. Done.

Here they were. Two-room apartment. Also vinyl records but not as many as Mr. Curly Hair had. Very hot outside. Windows wide-open. Bon appétit to everyone. Yummy-yummy. Wine bottles got empty pretty fast. Nice music on. Silly pics were taken. Music videos were watched. Already dark. Yulya and Katya got out to buy some chocolate. Brought it home. So hot outside that the chocolate was more like a Nutella paste. The girls asked for spoons. Did anyone want some melted chocolate? No, thanks. What perversity it was to eat melted chocolate on a hot eve. Everyone was chilling.

Having munched the chocolate Katya went to another room to stare out of the window. She sat down on a sill.  Mr. Curly Hair approached from behind observing a picture A Girl on a Windowsill.

‘Bored?’ he asked sitting down near Katya.

‘Nope, just taking some fresh air…like smokers would have a smoke,’ chuckled Katya thoughtfully.

‘I see. How come you don’t smoke while your besties do?’ he wondered, even though he was not really interested.

‘Donno, why should I? I guess smoking didn’t have that positive effect on me… you know, like using smoking to make friends-smokers and have a chat outside over a drag, or have a break after some stress, or smoke instead of eating… never thought of it… I might smoke though for fun when drunk or something… but I don’t do it properly anyway and a ciggie always falls down through my soft drunk fingers half-way burnt,’ summarized Katya with a vague smile.

‘What do you do in Moscow?’ asked Fil all of a sudden.

‘Study English and German, why? What’s that sudden interrogation about?’ Katya asked smiling and frowning at the same time.

‘Yes, I know that. Anything else? Work? Hobby?’ insisted Filip ignoring her slight indignation.

‘No, not really. Whenever I think of earning some money my parents stop me saying that I will have enough time to work after the uni, so that I’ll get sick of it… Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Girls and I are going to be English teachers. German is just a second language we learn. But we all want to learn as many languages as we can. That’s why we try to pick a language from native speakers,’ Katya tried to make herself clear.

‘Do you really wanna be a teacher?’ he looked at her with suspicion.

‘Not really. It was my Mum’s idea. After school, I didn’t know what to study. My Mum thought I was good at languages, so she suggested that I should apply to the Foreign languages department,’ Blondie explained.

‘But what do you really wanna be?’ Filip kept on asking as if it was an interview.

‘An actress,’ Katya said calmly, ‘What did YOU want to be?’ she redrew the attention to him.

‘I wanted to be an actor as well… But I never applied… I just didn’t bring myself to… now I’m too old for that,’ Filip pronounced it with some bitter notes in his voice.

‘Ridiculous, the age of twenty-eight is already too late to become an actor? Those stupid rules,’ Katya grumbled to herself. ‘How far can you spit?’ she slipped into the role of an interrogator.

‘What?’ he seemed surprised as if he didn’t catch what she’d just said.

‘How far can you spit, I said…I can spit far enough,’ she confessed with a smile.

‘I think I can spit far enough too,’ he responded also with a smile.

‘Ok, one-two-three and we spit, alright?’ Blondie commanded.

‘Outside the window?’ he asked.

‘No, on the floor,’ Katya responded with a sarcastic smile, ‘Yes, out there, of course.’

‘Ok,’ he agreed.

One- two- three – they spat. A common thought crawled to their heads, ‘Is it déjà-vu or the movie Titanic?’ Oops, there were some people walking by, just as they spat. They kneeled down on the floor and started to giggle.

‘No more spitting from the window,’ he whispered.

‘Agreed,’ Katya whispered back with a nod.

Just then Tanya entered the room asking, ‘Are you looking for something, kids?’

‘Yes, we lost an elephant,’ Tanya heard Katya’s response as the latter couldn’t stop her sarcastic flow.

‘How funny,’ said Tanya with a corresponding sarcasm tune and went on normally, ‘Well, we’re going to play Truth or Dare, are you in?’ wondered Tanya opening her palm to get a reply.

‘Why not?’ replied Katya in agreement and glanced at Filip.

‘Sure, I wonder whose idea it was… I’ll just watch you play,’ answered he concerned.

‘Ha, foxy, you can’t watch others get embarrassed without embarrassing yourself!’ stated Tanya, ‘Come on.’

‘Alright, let the show begin,’ said Filip and headed to another room.

‘Good boy!’ commented Tanya and followed him smiling.

Everyone sat down on the floor in a circle. Tanya volunteered to be the first one. She chose dare and the rest of the crew made her drink half a cup of Jägermeister, the only booze they’d found in Sven’s kitchen. The next turn belonged to Yulya. Having chosen truth, she just had to answer if she had ever eaten boogers.

‘Of course, I’ve eaten boogers. Everyone eats their boogers as a kid!’ was Yulya’s answer with no hint of embarrassment. At the beginning of the answer, everyone started giggling but in the end, they sat remembering their childhood poking their noses.

Valuing his privacy, Filip undoubtedly chose dare and had to photograph his naked butt in another room and then show the picture to everyone and only after that, he was allowed to delete it. At the sight of the naked ass, Tanya began laughing loudly as a horse, resting on Yulya’s shoulder. No doubt Jägermeister had gotten to her alright.

Sven chose truth and was naming all the drugs he’d tried. Katya was dared to dance a sexy dance with a chair, which she managed to do quite well as the guys started to howl like wolves.

The second round began and Tanya chose truth this time.

‘You will not get me this time, sweeties,’ said Tanya laughing like a mad woman.

The cruel Sven wanted to know if she had a secret she had never told to a soul, and everyone agreed to this one.

Tanya stopped laughing, everyone saw her eyes go up reminiscing something, she shivered in disgust and sat silent, then she looked Sven in the eye and said, ‘I was raped by my Dad’s friend when I was twelve,’ tears began to roll down her cheeks. Her distorted lips managed to voice in a long sob, ‘THIS I’ve never told to anyone.’

Silence. Everyone froze. Yulya moved towards Tanya with her arms stretched out. Now that she was holding Tanya tight, she said, ‘You should have told it to your Dad. He would just cut his penis off right away.’

No one produced a sound. Instantly upset and deeply thinking pairs of eyes were observing the embracing ladies. Filip moved to join the union atop. Sven came up above to touch Tanya with his pitying arms. Katya managed to squeeze in and put her face against Tanya’s ear. Everyone went still. The song Losing my religion filled up the room.

‘I was afraid then and now it’s no point. The man was killed in a motorbike accident,’ Tanya responded quietly, she calmed herself down, brushed off her tears, and produced in a louder voice, ‘I think it’s time to go home. Fil, can you check the timetable, when is the next tram coming?’

Filip began checking the timetable. Sven thought out loud, ‘Males can be creepy creatures sometimes. I’m sorry you had to experience that.’

‘That’s the past. I’m fine now. No need to pity me,’ reassured Tanya everyone, regaining her composure.

‘The last tram has already left. I guess we’re destined to stay here,’ informed Filip.

Sven got up, poured a cup of water, placed it in Tanya’s hands inviting her for a dance. The latter drank some and put it on the floor. As Fringe got up, the floor seemed to whirl under her feet, but still, she offered herself to dance the dark memory away and feel the music and her partner.

‘Fil, you’ve come by bike, right? Can you take me with you? Though it would be a bit peinlich, but I’ll manage,’ ventured Katya.

‘Peinlich? why would it be peinlich?’ wondered Filip raising his eyebrows.

‘You know, sitting on an iron thingy behind you may be hurting, may it not? Peinlich same as painful in English,’ Katya was finding the right words.