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She glanced over at him, simply studied him for a fraction of a second, then, without a word, turned her attention back to the dirt road and the never-ending expanse of nothingness stretching out in front of them.

But in that fraction of a second he felt … There weren’t any words to describe it, really. Except she’d looked not into his soul but through it, and it shook him. Shook him bad.

“For us,” he conceded. “And for our son. I really want to make this work, Belle. We may not be married, but Michael needs consistency from us … together.”

No. 1 Dad
in Texas
Dianne Drake

www.millsandboon.co.uk

MILLS & BOON

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To Chris, one of the people I love most. You make the world a better place.

Dear Reader

When I approached my editor with an idea to write a story featuring a child with Asperger’s Syndrome Mills & Boon^® stood behind me solidly—for which I’m grateful. Asperger’s has become popularised in fiction lately. I knew some of the overall facts, but after I began the deep research I needed for this book what I discovered was that every piece of information written about Asperger’s Syndrome is basically the same: a laundry list of traits.

Then I met Chris who, with his Asperger’s Syndrome, pretty much defies everything on the experts’ list. And Chris is where the idea for my story went—from that laundry list of traits to the real face of Asperger’s Syndrome. Musician, composer, poet, computer tech, athlete, scholar … you won’t find those on the lists, but that’s who Chris is—as well as a guy who absolutely makes direct eye contact and has a wicked, funny sense of humour. While he’s not the character Michael I created, Chris inspired me to find that little boy—and, amazingly, what I discovered is that my Michael is pretty much like every other seven-year-old boy.

I think we tend to believe the lists, no matter what the situation or diagnosed condition. But Michael is an athlete, a computer genius, he loves bugs, plays games, has a passion for pizza, and the desperate wish of his heart is that his mom and dad will get back together. He’s a kid with a plan.

Michael is also a kid with parents who love him more than anything in the world, and who are both trying hard to give him the support he’ll need in the struggles he’ll face in life. It’s through Michael’s eyes they finally see themselves.

As always, wishing you health and happiness.

Dianne Drake

www.DianneDrake.com

CHAPTER ONE

“ANYONE else?” Dr. Belle Carter called out to the ten or so ranch hands standing around, gawking at her. She was used to men gawking, but not like this bunch was doing. They were queasy, some of them wobbling on their feet, grabbing on to furniture, hugging walls. If there was a particular shade of color common to the sickly lot presently resisting her, she’d call it gray-green. But food poisoning did that, even in slight cases. Today, the old E. coli bug had struck down half the crew who worked on the Chachalaca Creek Ranch outside Big Badger, Texas. She’d suspected bad bean sprouts on the salad were the culprit when she’d sent the first samples to the lab for tests, though she was actually quite encouraged over a bunch of cowboys eating salads and not big, thick steaks or pork chops. Until all those cowboys let her take a look, she wasn’t going to be sure about anything, though. “If you’ve still got any of the symptoms I’ve just described, or talked about the other times I was out here, you’d better tell me now. If you don’t, it’s going to knock you down, maybe for up to ten days. That’s a promise.” She held up a large bottle of pills, rattled it for effect. “Anti-nausea pills, if you’re interested.” Which nobody was. This was her third trip out here for this, and her last, if they continued to shun her the way they were doing.

“It’s hard getting used to a new doc in town,” Maudie Tucker, her nurse, said under her breath as she pulled Belle back from the men. “These boys are used to the way Doc Nelson used to do it, and having a lady doc makes them jumpy. They don’t trust you yet.”

They didn’t trust her? That was clear. But they were sick, and in most cases sickness would override distrust. Not here apparently, and she was about to be bested by a bacterial gastric upset. “But Doc Nelson eloped with his thirty-five-years-his-junior receptionist, and I’m the only doctor within a hundred miles, so it’s get used to the lady doctor or ride out the illness without my help,” she whispered back, sympathetic to the men’s plight and at the same time annoyed, watching them lope and drag themselves in single file into the next room over—the game room. Just to get away from her. As if she couldn’t follow them and perform their exams on the pool table if she had to.

“It’ll take them some time to adjust,” Maudie replied. “Folks around here are cautious, but they’ll get used to you—eventually.”

“Eventually’s not good enough. They’re sick right now.” Belle loved Maudie to pieces. She’d come with the medical practice, boasted forty-two years of hard-boiled nursing, and if she could she’d mother every one of Big Badger’s citizens. Today, though, mothering wouldn’t work. But a firm hand would, and she doubted Maudie had it in her to be firm with any of the ranch hands. “Which means they take the pills or …” She shrugged. “Some of them will probably get sicker, incur more time off work, and have to face the consequences when I explain to the ranch owner that they refused treatment—treatment he hired me to give.” It also meant she was going to be the one to take a hard line here, if she intended on getting somewhere with the men. So she was going to chase them down, examine them, and treat them, whether or not they liked it. Good thing she was used to taking a hard line. Dr. Belle Carter, family practice specialist, had developed pretty thick skin over the course. Had had to, with what she’d gone through to get to this point in her life—tackling med school years later than many of her classmates, being a single mother, marriage to a man who’d spent most of their wedded years somewhere else. Married, past tense, naturally.

So today, with ten moderately sick people trying desperately to run away from her in their sluggardly sick gait, six appointments back at the office this afternoon, and flu vaccinations to give out later at the Salt Creek Ranch, she was extra-busy, and time was something she didn’t have much of because at the end of it all she’d promised most of her evening to her son, Michael, and that was a promise she didn’t want to break. He was the reason she was doing this, and doing it the hard way.

“My purpose here, my only purpose, is to have a look at each and every one of them, check their vital signs to make sure nothing else is going on and assess for dehydration or worsening symptoms, then treat what I find. It’s a simple thing. Or it should be, if they’d let me do my job.”

“Need some help?” a familiar voice asked from the doorway. “I don’t have my medical bag with me this trip, but I can certainly help you with some of the process.”

Anger was her first reaction to that voice. Then her heart skipped a beat. Then her lungs clutched, but only for a fraction of a second as when she caught her breath again she was right back at anger.

“What are you doing here, Cade?” she hissed, trying hard not to let the ranch hands overhear, even though every last one of them had now exited the room. “It’s not your weekend. In fact, it’s not even a weekend. So why are you here, bothering me, while I’m trying to do my job?”

“I’m here because I missed my favorite person in the world.”

She swallowed hard, fighting to regain control as all the ranch hands in the other room, no matter how sick, were watching her, gauging her reaction, probably trying to find some argument to use against her when they were called out for refusing treatment. She sucked in a deep breath, squared her shoulders, steadied herself, and said, with all the calmness she could muster, “He’s in school.” Three words, so much effort. But Cade took effort.

Oh, they had an amicable situation where Michael was concerned. No one looking on could say otherwise. Twice a month Cade flew from Chicago to Texas to visit his son, and he never missed a date, never made excuses. He was diligent in that, something she actually admired in the man. In fact, she’d seen Cade more often in the two months she and Michael had lived in Texas than she had the last two months they’d lived a block down the street from him. He’d never missed his visitation then either. But in that situation it had been easier to avoid Cade, which she did as often as she could.

Now, though, with Cade showing up on her doorstep so often, coming from so far away, avoiding him wasn’t all that easy. “And I don’t need help taking care of my patients.” Finally, now that the first flush of anger was under control, and nothing was skipping, clutching, or doing anything abnormal to her physiology, she turned to face him. “How did you know where to find me anyway?”

He looked straight at Maudie, who was blushing all kinds of red, and smiled. “I have a few friends here in Big Badger, Texas.”

Dr. Cade Carter could sweet-talk the needles right off a prickly old cactus. He was a charmer, all right. Nothing about him had changed in that respect, and Maudie Tucker was the living proof. “Well, in case your friend didn’t tell you, I’ve got a busy day ahead of me and I don’t have time to waste standing here talking to you. But since you’re here, for who knows what reason, you can see Michael after school. I’ll call Virginia and let her know you’ll be picking him up.” Virginia Ellison, retired librarian, was Michael’s caregiver, and the only person in Big Badger she really trusted with her son.

“Except it’s not just Michael I came to see. Normally, when I’m here on my visitation weekends, there’s not enough time or you’re too busy. But we need to talk, Belle. There are some things I want to say, want to tell you, that don’t fit into the regular schedule, and I was hoping …” He shrugged. “It’s important. That’s all I’m saying.”

Now her heart skipped a beat again, and not in a good way. She’d had years of disappointments, one after another, from this man, and she was conditioned for it. But not here, not now, and that’s all she could think this would be. Cade changing something, Cade doing something that would affect her life. The divorce, five years ago, had ended all the letdowns and she didn’t want to go back to that. Not even for a minute. Yet it felt like that’s exactly where Cade was trying to drag her now. Except nearly ten years of having Cade Carter in her life had taught her how to dig her heels in. But those same years of Cade Carter had also taught her just how vulnerable she could be to him, if she let herself.

“I’m working, Cade. Whatever you want, we’ll do it later when I’m ready. And in the meantime, leave me alone.”

“Fine, later. When you’re ready. But in the meantime, it looks to me like you could use another doctor here.”

She glanced into the next room at her patients, who all seemed to have lost interest in the interchange between Cade and herself, then took two steps closer to Cade. Gritted her teeth. Whispered, “Don’t do this to me in front of my patients, Cade Carter. Do not undermine my abilities by implying that I can’t do my job without your help. So get out of here and leave me alone.”

“I was just offering,” he said, not budging.

Just offering. But what was he really offering here? That’s what had her stumped. They’d been divorced five years now, and she’d been relieved to see it end when it had. Sure, it had been sad, in so many ways. Especially because of Michael. But she couldn’t have survived with Cade. She’d needed more, he’d needed less. “Fine. We’ll talk later. Whatever kind of bad news you’re going to spring on me can wait until I’ve finished my day.”

“I never meant to do that to you, you know?”

“Do what?”

“Make you think the worst of me. Or anticipate that anything I have to say to you is bad news.”

“I don’t think the worst of you, Cade. But we were married, remember? I got used to having the worst of you.”

“And sometimes the best.” He cocked a half-smile, stepped back, tipped his cowboy hat at her. “Later,” he said, then turned and walked off.

“Surprised you’d let him get away,” Maudie commented, watching him almost as hard as Belle was.

“You can’t keep someone who doesn’t want to be kept, Maudie,” she said, turning back to the group of men she’d come to treat. Now, though, her mind was on Cade. Good dad. First-rate surgeon. And the last person she’d expected to see when he wasn’t scheduled for a weekend with Michael. But Cade was up to something. She knew it, felt it, didn’t know what it was, and that’s what she had to get her mind off right now.

“OK, everybody,” Belle said, fighting to refocus on her patients. “Here’s the deal. I’ve got a kid to support. He’s seven. I don’t have a lot of time to spend with him, and the longer it takes here, the less time Michael and I are going to have. So you can fight me on this, refuse to let me check you, but it’s affecting my son. Any of you have children you’d like to spend more time with, or mothers who’d love spending more time with you? Because if you do, then you’ll understand what I’m talking about, and get in line so I can get this done as quickly as possible.”

“Ah, the sentimental touch. Well done,” Maudie joked as, one by one, the men started to trickle forward.

Belle laughed. “Whatever it takes.” She wondered what it would take with Cade. Surely he wanted something she didn’t want to give. Quite the opposite from their marriage, where she’d wanted something he hadn’t wanted to give. Definitely, whatever it takes, she thought to herself.

Two hours later Belle was pleased with the results of her morning. All but three ranch hands had eventually fallen in line. This evening, once the nausea pills took effect, all but three ranch hands would feel better. Had she gained any respect from these men? Nah. She wasn’t that deluded. They’d sympathized either as a father or a son. It was good enough for now. Battle number one went to the lady doctor. Battle number two coming up, though, with Cade? No, she didn’t know for sure there was going to be a battle between them, but she was clearly feeling something in the pit of her stomach, and it made her nervous, as the only thing she could think that Cade would want was Michael.

“Didn’t mean to put you in a spot,” Cade said, as Belle stepped out of her car.

“That’s an apology?”

“If you need one then, yes, it’s an apology.”

He was leaning up against the entrance to her office, standing in the shade, cowboy hat tipped low over his face. Admittedly, he still took away her breath. A sexier, better-looking man God had never put on the face of this earth, and she responded to that in huge ways. Dark brown hair just slightly wavy, slate-gray eyes. Tall, muscled physique of a god. She’d responded to it too quickly all those years ago, jumping into his bed the first opportunity she’d had, then into marriage at approximately the same irresponsible speed. “What’s with the hat?” She’d never seen him in a cowboy hat before today, but it did him justice. If anything, it made him look sexier.

“When in Texas.” He tilted the brim back. Stared her in the eye. “Since you’re raising my son to be a cowboy now.”

“Apology accepted, but don’t ever do that to me again, Cade,” she warned, brushing by him to unlock the door. “I’m having a hard enough time as it is, establishing myself here in the wake of the legendary Dr. Nelson, and I don’t need you stepping in to help me, or whatever it was you were trying to do out there on the Chachalaca. And why are you here anyway? You just left three days ago, and you’re not due back for—”

“Nine more days, which is why I’m here now. Nine days is a long time. Too long.”

That feeling in the pit of her stomach turned into a hard knot as the hint of a custody battle took on stronger overtones. Cade had never fought her on her being custodial parent, so why now? “Meaning?” she asked, struggling not to sound as apprehensive as she felt.

“Meaning I don’t get enough time with Michael. He’s growing up, and every other weekend isn’t working for me. You’ve been gone two months, Belle, and the arrangement is driving me crazy. So I decided to take a few weeks off my practice and hang around Big Badger, see what’s rocking his world these days. Discover things I can’t discover in my allotted few hours of visitation.”

“Why now, Cade? It’s been this way for five years, so why now?”

“Because I’m getting older.”

She shook her head. “That’s not it.”

“Maybe there’s not one certain ‘it’, Belle. Maybe I just want to be included more.”

Like he’d wanted to be included in their marriage, but hardly ever showed up for it? Like he’d wanted to be included in so many of the other milestones they should have been celebrating as a family, only Cade had always, conveniently, been missing from them? Cade had been the consummate husband in absentia, so why this? And why now? “You’re not sick, are you? A terminal illness, or something life-threatening?”

He chuckled. “You always were straight to the point but, no, I’m not sick. Does that disappoint you?”

“Believe it or not, Cade, I don’t hate you. Never have, and unless you give me cause, like taking Michael away from me, I never will.”

“Is that what you think? That I’m here to take Michael away from you?”

“Seems logical, doesn’t it? Things are going along fine then, out of the blue, you’re here, telling me you want to make changes. So is that what it’s about, Cade? Do you want to take Michael away from me?”

“What I want, what I’ve always wanted, is what’s best for him. That’s you, Belle. I wouldn’t take him away from you, and I’m sorry you’d think I would.” He shook his head. “That’s the second time I’ve apologized for causing you to think the worst of me. It’s not how I want it to be between us, you know.”

She was relieved. Still curious, since Cade was acting so out of character. But very relieved. “I know, and neither do I. And for what it’s worth, I really didn’t think you would take him from me. We’ve had our bad moments, Cade, but I didn’t think you’d do that. It’s just that you showing up here the way you have makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know what to expect.”

“And in your life you always like to know what to expect.” It was said with no malicious intent whatsoever.

“It’s who I am.” And part of the reason their marriage had failed. Cade never had understood that in her. “So anyway, I know you miss Michael, but what’s the real reason you’re here?”

“That is the real reason. Can’t it be just that simple?”

She shook her head, then gestured for him to follow her through to the exam rooms and into her private office, trying not to think about how Cade was still on the verge of something that, try as she did to fight it, made her feel anxious. “So, on a whim, you can just walk away from your surgical practice?” she asked, shutting the door behind her and grappling for something, anything, to steady her nerves. A deep breath, a sturdy wall to lean on. Amicable divorce, yes, amicable parenting arrangements, yes. But there was nothing amicable about the way she was feeling as this was all about Cade wanting to change her life again, no matter how simple he claimed this matter of his was going to be. “You can just decide you don’t want to work then fly to Texas for a day or two?”

“Actually, like I said a minute ago, I’m here for a few weeks. That’s one of the advantages of being co-owner of a growing surgical practice. You get to make the rules. And since there are always a dozen or so other surgeons to cover for me, I decided I needed—well, you can believe what you want, but I came to spend some time with Michael.”

“Really? A few weeks?” This was making less and less sense by the minute. “You’re going to stay in Big Badger for a few weeks?” Normally, Cade was one step shy of arrogance, but she didn’t see that in his eyes. They were the eyes that kept him hidden, blocked the light from his soul. Not now, though. Cade was not only serious about staying here, he was emotionally invested in it.

“Seriously, Belle, is wanting more time with my son such a bad thing?”

Under most circumstances, no. And she didn’t know what to think about this now. Except she’d seen that flicker of emotion in his eyes just then. Brief, but definitely there. The same flicker of emotion she’d seen the day Michael had been born, same flicker she’d seen the day she’d told Cade that Michael had been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. Cade Carter kept most of himself hidden, but not always. And those unhidden moments were always genuine. She knew that with all her heart. “OK, I understand that you’re not going to tell me everything, and I don’t have time to stand here and try arguing it out of you. I do think you want to see Michael, and for now I’m going to leave it at that. But later, Cade. We’re going to deal with this—this whatever it is—whether or not you like it.”

“I swear, it’s all about Michael,” he said, putting on the old Cade grin. The charmer grin that had got her into trouble in the first place. “And since we have an open agreement about him—”

“Before you make any more plans, I’ve made arrangements for him in Austin for the next three weeks. It’s a good program. It’s gained lots of awards for its advances in autism, and is headed by a doctor who’s internationally known for her work.”

“Which he doesn’t need to go to now that I’m here to spend that time with him.”

“But it’s arranged.”

“And I don’t remember you asking me about it.”

“OK, maybe I should have asked, like you should have asked before just showing up here unannounced. But a month ago, when I told you I wanted to talk to you about a program I’d found for him, you said you’d get back to me. Said that to me each of the three other times I tried talking to you about it. Remember that?”

He drew in a stiff breath. “I was busy.”

“I was, too.” Now the charm had dissolved, and they were back to the same old problems. “But I made the time to investigate the program, and made the time to try and get you to listen to me about it. But you weren’t listening at all, were you? That’s why you’re here now. Because you didn’t hear a word I said, sort of like the way it was when we were married.” There was no disputing they both wanted what was best for their son, but that’s where the co-operation stopped. Cade had his ideas, which were, basically, more love and more involvement could cure anything. She had hers, which were to find her son the best available programs for children with Asperger’s syndrome. That didn’t preclude more love and more involvement. It merely gave Michael one more shot at having a better life. “So I hope you bought a round-trip ticket, because if you hurry, you can be back in Chicago by tonight.”

“Unenroll him. I want to spend the next few weeks with him.”

“No, I’m not going to unenroll him. You’ve got Michael six straight weeks at the end of summer, and that’s all you’re getting, so deal with it. Go home, leave me alone.” Arrangements had already been made for Cade to take Michael back to Chicago with him, which she didn’t like but which she hoped would be good for her son. Unlike Cade, she had no intention of stepping in and trying to upset things. Michael’s life was a precarious balance, and he didn’t need the disruption.

“And what I’ve been telling you is that six weeks aren’t enough, Belle. I miss him. It’s driving me crazy, knowing I can’t see Michael whenever I want to. Getting him for three-day weekends every other week and every other holiday isn’t cutting it. And half that time is spent in transit, flying down here to be with him and flying back to be home on time for my Monday morning surgeries. And, really, how much time do I get to spend with him when I’m here? Have you ever thought about it, Belle? Three, maybe four hours total, adjusting to his schedule and routines, as well as his attention span? Which is why I want to spend the whole summer with him, and not just part of it.” He drew in a ragged breath. “I need to connect better with my boy and teach him to connect better with me.”

She did have to admit Cade was the one who got cheated, especially as she was the one who’d moved from Chicago to Big Badger, breaking up a perfectly good custody arrangement, one much more conducive to Cade’s situation. But he was the Texas boy after all. The cowboy who’d spent every day of their marriage talking about how great Texas was, how he wanted to move back someday, how it was the best place in the country to raise kids.

Well, she’d listened. More than that, she’d believed. So now here she was, raising their kid in Texas. And here Cade wasn’t, except for his every-other-week visitations. “Look, it’s only a three-week program, Cade. You can have the three weeks after it’s over, here in Big Badger, though. And that would still give you more time than we’d originally planned.”

“But I want more than that,” he repeated, stubbornly.

“Without notice.”

“Because there was no notice to give. I decided to do this …” he glanced at his watch “… ten hours ago. Ten hours, Belle. I changed my life in the last ten hours because I miss my son. And I think spending the next few weeks with me will be better for Michael than sending him off into some program.”

Even if it was an excellent program, letting Michael spend time with his dad was the better situation. No argument there. And having Cade here would be wonderful for Michael. Still, one of the reasons she’d chosen to move to godforsaken Big Badger was to be close to Dr. Amanda Robinson. Sure, the town had made her an offer she couldn’t refuse, but it was one of three amazing offers that had come at her. The decision had come down to Amanda’s excellent reputation in autism. She worked miracles with kids no one expected miracles from, and to be so close to all that was why she was working in a town that didn’t want a lady doctor, and being on call to a bunch of hostile ranch hands. Yet nothing Amanda could or would do would substitute for the fact that Michael needed his father, and that’s what ultimately changed Belle’s mind. Not Cade’s need, but Michael’s. “OK. If you’re really going to stay here, I’ll pull him out of the program. But there’s a three-day trip he’s been begging to go on, and I’m not cancelling that, no matter what you say. Dr. Robinson is doing good things for Michael and I don’t want to cause problems with that.”

“You think that highly of the good doctor’s program?”

“I do. Michael needs that kind of professional guidance and I need that kind of personal support. With Amanda, we get both.”

“Good. Then I can live with that.”

But could she? Big Badger was a small town, there wasn’t much to do here. And she could envision herself bumping into Cade every time she turned around for the next six weeks. Bumps she didn’t want to be making. “It’s not about what you can live with,” she snapped. “It’s about what’s best for Michael. Dr. Robinson’s part of it, but you’re a bigger part.” He’d spent their married life staying away, and she’d got used to it. Got used to the distances in their divorce, too, and she wasn’t sure what having him around all the time was going to do to her. But for Michael … “And you’re not staying with me.”

“Didn’t intend to. I took a room at the boarding house. Paid for the full six weeks.”

He smiled, arched ridiculously sexy eyebrows—the whole Cade effect that had always been her downfall.

“Cade Carter, staying in a boarding house and not some luxurious hotel suite?” Belle raised her eyebrows over that one, because it told her, whatever his reason, he was dead serious about spending more time with Michael.

“Find me a luxurious hotel in Big Badger, and I’ll check in.”

“And you’re still not going to tell me what this is really about?” There wasn’t a casual explanation. Knowing Cade, there couldn’t be. But Cade honestly loved Michael, even though Michael didn’t give much back to his dad. So maybe it was about Cade feeling excluded or unloved? Certainly, that’s how she would feel if Michael was as unresponsive to her as he was to Cade. So she hoped that was the simple explanation after all.

But there’d been a time when she’d hoped so many things about Cade, and look where that had got her.

“I can tell you a thousand times a day for the next six weeks. My being here is about spending more time with Michael. That’s all, Belladonna.”

Nope. She knew Cade, and she didn’t buy it. But, as they said, forewarned was forearmed. Only she didn’t know against what. “Fine. You’ve got your extra six weeks. And don’t call me Belladonna.” Meaning beautiful woman, or deadly nightshade, take your pick. It used to be his pet name for her, used when he’d wanted to get his way. Which he’d just done, hadn’t he?

The charmer grin grew larger as Cade tilted his hat back down over his eyes. “Anybody ever tell you you’re a real pushover, Belle Carter?”

Nobody had to tell her. When it came to Cade Carter, she always had been. Looked like that hadn’t changed too much either. “All the time,” she said, opening her office door and gesturing him to leave. “All the time.”