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To

Mr and Mrs Dale Macomber

(my son and Laurie)

Merry Christmas

Your first as husband and wife

NOELLE McDOWELL’S JOURNAL

December 1

I did it. I broke down and actually booked the flight to Rose. I have a ticket for December 18—Dallas to San Francisco to Portland and then the commuter flight to Rose.

All my excuses are used up. I always figured there was no going back, and yet that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m going home when I swore I never would. Not after what happened…Not after Thom Sutton betrayed me. I know, I know, I’ve always been dramatic. I can’t help that—it’s part of my nature.

When I was a teenager I made this vow never to return. I spoke it in the heat of passion, and no one believed me. For that matter, I didn’t believe me, not really. But it proved to be so easy to stay away…. I hardly had to invent excuses. While I was in college I had an opportunity to travel to Europe two years in a row. Then in my junior year I had a summer job and was a bridesmaid in a Christmas wedding. And when my senior year rolled around, I was working as an intern for the software company, and it was impossible to get time off. After that…well, it was just simpler to stay away. Without meaning to, my family made it convenient. I didn’t need to visit them; they seemed willing enough to come to Dallas.

All of that is about to end. I’m prepared to face my past. I joined Weight Watchers. If I happen to see Thom Sutton, I want him to know exactly what he’s missing. I’ve already lost five of the ten pounds I need to get rid of, and by next week he’ll hardly recognize me—if we even run into each other. We won’t, of course, but just on the off chance, I plan to be prepared.

Good ol’ Thom Sutton. I wonder what he’s doing now. Naturally I could ask, but no one dares mention the name Sutton to my family. It’s the Hatfields and McCoys or the Montagues and Capulets all over again. Except that it’s our mothers who started this ridiculous feud.

If I really wanted to know about Thom, I could ask Megan or Stephanie. They’re the only two girls out of my entire high school class who still live in Rose. But I wouldn’t do that. Inquiring about Thom would only invite questions from them about what happened between the two of us. As far as I’m concerned, the fewer people who know, the better.

He’s bound to be married, anyway. Good. I want him to be happy.

No, I don’t.

If I can’t be honest in my journal, then I shouldn’t keep one. Okay, I admit it—what I really want is for him to have suffered guilt and regret all these years. He should have pined for me. His life should be a bleak series of endless days filled with haunting memories of me. It’s what he deserves.

On a brighter note, I’m thrilled for Kristen. I’ll return home, help her plan her wedding, hold my head high and pray that Thom Sutton has the opportunity to see me from afar, gorgeous and thin. Then I want him to agonize over all the might-have-beens.

One

It would be the wedding of the year. No—the wedding of the century.

Sarah McDowell intended to create the most exquisite event possible, a wedding worthy of Vogue magazine (or at least a two-page spread in the Rose, Oregon, Gazette). The entire town would talk about her daughter’s wedding.

The foundation for Sarah’s plans rested squarely on booking the Women’s Century Club for the reception. It was why she’d maintained her association with the club after that woman had been granted membership. She was outraged that such a fine institution would lower itself to welcome the likes of Mary Sutton.

Sarah refused to dwell on the sordid details. She couldn’t allow herself to get upset over something that had happened almost twenty years ago. Although it didn’t hurt any to imagine Mary hearing—second-or third-hand, of course—about Kristen’s wedding. As Sarah understood it, Mary’s daughter had eloped. Eloped, mind you, with some riffraff hazelnut farmer. Sarah didn’t know that for sure because it was her Christian duty not to gossip or think ill of others. However, sometimes information just happened to come one’s way….

Pulling into the parking lot of the Women’s Century Club, Sarah surveyed the grounds. Even this late in the year, the rose garden was breathtaking. Many of the carefully tended bushes still wore their blooms, and next June, when the wedding was scheduled, the garden would be stunning. The antique roses with their intoxicating scents and the more recent hybrids with their gorgeous shapes and colors would make a fitting backdrop for the beautiful bride and her handsome groom. It would be perfect, she thought with satisfaction. Absolutely perfect.

Sarah had stopped attending the Women’s Century Club meetings three years ago. Well, there wasn’t any need to obsess over the membership committee’s sorry lapse in judgment. For many years Sarah had chaired that committee herself. The instant she stepped down, Mary Sutton had applied for membership to the prestigious club—and received it. Now the only social event Sarah participated in was the annual Christmas Dance. Mary Sutton had robbed her of so much already, but Sarah wasn’t letting her ruin that, too.

Sarah did continue to meet with other friends from the club and managed to keep up with the news. She understood that Mary had become quite active in the association. Fine. Good for her. It gave the woman something to write about in her column for the weekly Rose Gazette. Not that Sarah read “About Town.” Someone had told her it was fairly popular, though. Which didn’t bother her in the least. Mary was a good writer; Sarah would acknowledge that much. But then, what one lacked in certain areas was often compensated in others. And Mary was definitely lacking in the areas of generosity, fairness, ethics…. She could go on.

With a click of her key chain, Sarah locked her car and headed toward the large, two-story stone structure. There was a cold wind blowing in from the ocean, and she hurried up the steps of the large veranda that surrounded the house. A blast of warm air greeted her as she walked inside. Immediately in front of her was the curved stairway leading to the ballroom on the second floor. She could already picture Kristen moving elegantly down those stairs, her dress sweeping grandly behind her. Today, evergreen garlands were hung along the mahogany railing, with huge red velvet bows tied at regular intervals. Gigantic potted poinsettias lined both sides of the stairway. The effect was both festive and tasteful.

“Oh, how lovely,” she said to Melody Darrington, the club’s longtime secretary.

“Yes, we’re very pleased with this year’s Christmas decorations.” Melody glanced up from her desk behind the half wall that overlooked the entry. The door to the office was open and Sarah heard the fax machine humming behind her. “Are you here to pick up your tickets for the Christmas dance?”

“I am,” Sarah confirmed. “And I’d like to book the club for June seventh for a reception.” She paused dramatically. “Kristen’s getting married.”

“Sarah, that’s just wonderful!”

“Yes, Jake and I are pleased.” This seriously understated her emotions. Kristen was the first of her three daughters to marry, and Sarah felt as if the wedding was the culmination of all her years as a caring, involved mother. She highly approved of Kristen’s fiancé. Jonathan Clark was not only a charming and considerate young man, he held a promising position at an investment firm and had a degree in business. His parents were college professors who lived in Eugene; he was their only son. Whenever she’d spoken with Jonathan’s mother, Louise Clark had sounded equally delighted.

Melody flipped the pages of the appointment book to June. “It’s a good idea to book the club early.”

Holding her breath, Sarah leaned over the half wall and stared down at the schedule. She relaxed the instant she saw that particular Saturday was free. The wedding date could remain unchanged.

“It looks like June seventh is open,” Melody said.

“Fabulous.” Sarah’s cell phone rang, and she reached inside her purse to retrieve it. She sold real estate, but since entering her fifties, she’d scaled back her hours on the job. Jake, who was head of the X-ray department at Rose Hospital, enjoyed traveling. Sarah no longer had the energy to accompany Jake and also maintain her status as a top-selling agent. The number displayed on her phone was that of her husband’s office. She’d call him back shortly. He was probably asking about the time of their eldest daughter’s flight. Jake and Sarah were going to meet Noelle at the small commuter airport later in the day. What a joy it would be to have all three of their girls home for Christmas, not to mention Noelle’s birthday, which was December twenty-fifth. This would be the first time in ten years that Noelle had returned to celebrate anything with her family. Sarah blamed Mary Sutton and her son for that, too.

“Should I give you a deposit now?” she asked, removing her checkbook.

“Since you’re a member of the club, that won’t be necessary.”

“Great. Then that’s settled and I can get busy with my day. I’ve got a couple of houses to show. Plus Jake and I are driving to the airport this afternoon to pick up Noelle. You remember our daughter Noelle, don’t you?”

“Of course.”

“She’s living in Dallas these days, and has a high-powered job with one of the big computer companies.” What Sarah didn’t add was the Noelle had become a workaholic. Getting her twenty-eight-year-old daughter to take time off work was nearly impossible. Sarah and Jake made a point of visiting her once a year and sometimes twice, but this couldn’t go on. Noelle had to get over her phobia about returning to Rose—and the risk of seeing Thom Sutton. Oh, yes, those Suttons had done a lot of damage to the McDowells.

With Kristen announcing her engagement and inviting the Clarks to share their Christmas festivities, Sarah had strongly urged Noelle to come home for the celebration. This was an important year for their family, and it was absolutely necessary that Noelle be there with them. After some back-and-forth discussion, she’d finally capitulated.

“Before you leave, there’s something you should know,” Melody said hesitantly. “There’s been a rule change about members using the building.”

“Yes?” Sarah tensed, anticipating a roadblock.

“The new rule states that only members who have completed a minimum of ten hours’ community service approved by the club will be permitted to lease our facilities.”

“But I’m an active part of our community already,” Sarah complained. She provided plenty of services to others.

“I realize that. Unfortunately, the service project in question must be determined by the club and it must be completed by the end of December to qualify for the following year.”

Sarah gaped at her. “Do you mean to say that in addition to everything else I’m doing in the next two weeks, I have to complete some club project?”

“You haven’t been reading the newsletters, have you?” Melody asked, frowning.

Obviously not. Sarah refused to read about Mary Sutton, whose name seemed to appear in every issue these days.

“If you attended the meetings, you’d know it, too.” Melody added insult to injury by pointing out Sarah’s intentional absence.

Despite her irritation, Sarah managed a weak smile. “All right,” she muttered. “What can I do?”

“Actually, you’ve come at an opportune moment. We need someone who’s willing to pitch in on the Christmas baskets.”

Sarah was trying to figure out how she could squeeze in one more task before the holidays. “Exactly what would that entail?”

“Oh, it’ll be great fun. The ladies pooled the money they raised from the cookbook sale to buy gifts for these baskets. They’ve made up lists, and what you’d need to do is get everything on your list, arrange all the stuff inside the baskets and then deliver them to the Salvation Army by December twenty-third.”

That didn’t sound unreasonable. “I think I can do that.”

“Wonderful.” A smile lit up Melody’s face. “The woman who’s heading up the project will be grateful for some help.”

“The woman?” That sounded better already. At least she wouldn’t be stuck doing this alone.

“Mary Sutton.”

Sarah felt as though Melody had punched her. “Excuse me. For a moment I thought you said Mary Sutton.”

“I did.”

“I don’t mean to be catty here, but Mary and I have…a history.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to work something out. You’re both adults.”

Sarah was stunned by the woman’s lack of sensitivity. She wanted to argue, to explain that this was unacceptable, but she couldn’t think of exactly what to say.

“You did want the club for June seventh, didn’t you?”

“Well, yes, of course, but—”

“Then be here tomorrow morning at ten to meet with Mary.”

Numb and speechless, Sarah slowly turned and trudged toward the door.

“Sarah,” Melody called. “Don’t forget the dance tickets.”

Dance. How could she think about the dance when she was being forced to confront a woman who detested her? The feeling might be mutual but that didn’t make it any less awkward.

One across. A four-letter word for fragrant flower. Rose, naturally. Noelle McDowell penciled in the answer and moved to the next clue. A prickly feeling crawled up her spine and she raised her head. She disliked the short commuter flights. This one, out of Portland, carried twenty-four passengers. It saved having to rent a vehicle or asking her parents to make the long drive into the big city to pick her up.

The feeling persisted and she glanced over her shoulder. She instantly jerked back and slid down in her seat as far as the constraints of the seat belt allowed. It couldn’t be. No, please, she muttered, closing her eyes. Not Thom. Not after all these years. Not now. But it was, it had to be. No one else would look at her with such complete, unadulterated antagonism. He had some nerve after what he’d done to her.

Long before she was ready, the pilot announced that the plane was preparing to land in Rose. On these flights, no carry-on bags were permitted, and Noelle hadn’t taken anything more than her purse on board. Her magazines would normally go in her briefcase, but that didn’t fit in the compact space beneath her seat, so the flight attendant had stowed it. She had a Weight Watchers magazine and a crossword puzzle book marked EASY in large letters across the top. She wasn’t going to let Thom see her with either and stuffed them in the outside pocket of her purse, folding one magazine over the other.

Her pulse thundered like crazy. The man who’d broken her heart sat only two rows behind her, looking as sophisticated as if he’d stepped off the pages of GQ. He’d always been tall, dark and handsome—like a twenty-first century Cary Grant. Classic features that were just rugged enough to be interesting and very, very masculine. Dark eyes, glossy dark hair. An impeccable sense of style. Surely he was married. But finding out would mean asking her sister or one of her friends who still lived in Rose. Coward that she was, Noelle didn’t want to know. Okay, she did, but not if it meant having to ask.

The plane touched down and Noelle braced herself against the jolt of the wheels bouncing on tarmac. As soon as they’d coasted to a stop, the Unfasten Seat Belt sign went off, and the people around her instantly leaped to their feet. Noelle took her time. Her hair was a fright. Up at three that morning to catch the 6:00 a.m. out of Dallas/Ft. Worth, she’d run a brush through the dark tangles, forgoing the usual routine of fussing with mousse. As a result, large ringlets fell like bedsprings about her face. Normally, her hair was shaped and controlled and coerced into gentle waves. But today she had the misfortune of looking like Shirley Temple in one of her 1930s movies—and in front of Thom Sutton, no less.

When it was her turn to leave her seat, she stood, looking staunchly ahead. If luck was with her, she could slip away unnoticed and pretend she hadn’t seen him. Luck, however, was on vacation and the instant she stepped into the aisle, the handle of her purse caught on the seat arm. Both magazines popped out of the outside pocket and flew into the air, only to be caught by none other than Thom Sutton. The crossword puzzle magazine tumbled to the floor and he was left holding the Weight Watchers December issue. As his gaze slid over her, she immediately sucked in her stomach.

“I read it for the fiction,” she announced, then added, “Don’t I know you?” She tried to sound indifferent—and to look thin. “It’s Tim, isn’t it?” she asked, frowning as though she couldn’t quite place him.

“Thom,” he corrected. “Good to see you again, Nadine.”

“Noelle,” she said bitterly.

He glared at her until someone from the back of the line called, “Would you two mind having your reunion when you get off the plane?”

“Sorry,” Thom said over his shoulder.

“I barely know this man.” Noelle wanted her fellow passengers to hear the truth. “I once thought I did, but I was wrong,” she explained, walking backward toward the exit.

“Whatever,” the guy behind them said loudly.

“You’re a fine one to talk,” Thom said. His eyes were as dark and cold as those of the snowman they’d built in Lions’ Park their senior year of high school—like glittering chips of coal.

“You have your nerve,” she muttered, whirling around just in time to avoid crashing into the open cockpit. She smiled sweetly at the pilot. “Thank you for a most pleasant flight.”

He returned the smile. “I hope you’ll fly with us again.”

“I will.”

“Good to see you, Thom,” the pilot said next.

Placing her hand on the railing of the steep stairs that led to the ground, Noelle did her best to keep her head high, her shoulders square—and her eyes front. The last thing she wanted to do was trip and make an even worse fool of herself by falling flat on her face.

She was shocked by a blast of cold air. After living in Texas for the last ten years, she’d forgotten how cold it could get in the Pacific Northwest. Her thin cashmere wrap was completely inadequate.

“One would think you’d know better than to wear a sweater here in December,” Thom said, coming down the steps directly behind her.

“I forgot.”

“If you came home more often, you’d have remembered.”

“You keep track of my visits?” She scowled at him. A thick strand of curly hair slapped her in the face and she tossed it back with a jerk of her head. Unfortunately she nearly put out her neck in the process.

“No, I don’t keep track of your visits. Frankly, I couldn’t care less.”

“That’s fine by me.” Having the last word was important, no matter how inane it was.

The luggage cart came around and she grabbed her briefcase from the top and made for the interior of the small airport. Her flight had landed early, which meant that her parents probably hadn’t arrived yet. At least her luck was consistent—all bad. One thing was certain: the instant Thom caught sight of her mother and father, he’d make himself scarce.

He removed his own briefcase and started into the terminal less than two feet behind her. Because of his long legs, he quickly outdistanced her. Refusing to let him pass her, Noelle hurried ahead, practically trotting.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little silly?” he asked.

“About what?” She blinked, hoping to convey a look of innocence.

“Never mind.” He smiled, which infuriated her further.

“No, I’m serious,” she insisted. “What do you mean?”

He simply shook his head and turned toward the baggage claim area. They were the first passengers to get there. Noelle stood on one side of the conveyor belt and Thom on the other. He ignored her and she tried to pretend he’d never been born.

That proved to be impossible because ten years ago Thom Sutton had ripped her heart right out.

For most of their senior year of high school, Thom and Noelle had been in love; they’d also managed to hide that fact from their parents. Sneaking out of her room at night, meeting him after school and passing notes to each other had worked quite effectively.

Then they’d argued about their mothers and the ongoing feud between Sarah and Mary. They’d soon made up, however, realizing that what really mattered was their love. Because they were both eighteen and legally entitled to marry without parental consent, they’d decided to elope. It’d been Thom’s suggestion. According to him, it was the only way they could get married, since the parents on both sides would oppose their wishes and try to put obstacles in their path. But once they were married, he said, they could bring their families together.

Noelle felt mortified now to remember how much she’d trusted Thom. But their whole “engagement” had turned out to be a ploy to humiliate and embarrass her. It seemed Thom was his mother’s son, after all.

She’d been proud of her love for Thom, and before she left to meet him that fateful evening, she’d boldly announced her intentions to her family. Her stomach twisted at the memory. Her parents were shocked as well as appalled; she and Thom had kept their secret well. Her mother had burst into tears, her father had shouted and her two younger sisters had wailed in protest. Undeterred, Noelle had marched out the door, suitcase in hand, to meet the man she loved. The man she’d defied her family to marry. Except that he didn’t show up.

At first she’d assumed it was a misunderstanding—that she’d mistaken the agreed-upon time. Then, throwing caution to the wind, she’d phoned his house and asked to speak to him, only to learn that Thom had gone bowling.

He’d gone bowling? Apparently some friends from school had phoned and off he’d gone, leaving her to wait in doubt and misery. The parking lot at the bowling alley confirmed his father’s words. There was Thom’s car—and inside the Bowlerama was Thom, carousing with his friends. Noelle had peered through the window and seen the waitress sitting on his lap and the other guys gathered around, joking and teasing. Before she went home, Noelle had placed a nasty note on his windshield, in which she described him as a scum-of-the-earth bastard. Their supposed elopement, their so-called love had all been a fraud, a cruel joke. She figured it was revenge what for her mother had done, losing Thom’s grandmother’s precious tea service. Not losing it, actually. She’d borrowed it to display at an open house for another real estate agent—and someone had taken it. That was how the feud started and it had escalated steadily after that.

To make matters worse, she’d had to return home in humiliation and admit that Thom had stood her up. Like the heroine of an old-fashioned melodrama, she’d been jilted, abandoned and forsaken.

For days she’d moped around the house, weeping and miserable. Thom hadn’t phoned or contacted her again. It was difficult to believe he could be so heartless, but she had all the evidence she needed. She hadn’t seen or talked to him since. For ten years she’d avoided returning to the scene of her shame.

The grinding sound of the conveyor belt gearing up broke Noelle from her reverie. Luggage started to roll out from the black hole behind the rubber curtain. Thom stepped forward, in a hurry to claim his suitcase and leave, or so it seemed. Noelle was no less eager to escape. She’d rather wait in the damp cold outside the terminal than stand five feet across from Thomas Sutton.

The very attractive Thomas Sutton. Even better-looking than he’d been ten years ago. Life just wasn’t fair.

“I would’ve thought your wife would be here to pick you up,” she said without looking at him. She shouldn’t have spoken at all, but suddenly she had to know.

“Is that your unsubtle way of asking if I’m married?”

She ground her teeth. “Stood up any other girls in the last ten years?” she asked.

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t do it, Noelle.”

“You’re the one who shouldn’t have done it.”

The man from the back of the plane waltzed past Noelle and reached for his suitcase. “Why don’t you two just kiss and make up,” he suggested, winking at Thom.

“I don’t think so,” Noelle said, sending Thom a contemptuous glare. She was astonished to see his anger, as though he had something to be angry about. She was the injured party here.

“On that I’ll agree with you,” Thom said. He caught hold of a suitcase and yanked it off the belt with enough force to topple a second suitcase. Without another word, he turned and walked out the door.

No sooner had he disappeared than the glass doors opened and in walked Noelle’s parents.

Noelle’s youngest sister held a special place in her heart. Carley Sue was an unexpected surprise, born when Noelle was fifteen and Kristen twelve. She’d only been three when Noelle left for college. Nevertheless, all three sisters remained close. Or as close as email, phone calls and the occasional visit to Dallas allowed.

Sitting on Noelle’s bed, Carley rested her chin on one hand as Noelle unpacked her suitcase. “You don’t mind that I have your old room, do you?” she asked anxiously.

“Heavens, no. It’s only right that you do.”

Some of the worry disappeared from Carley’s eyes. “Are you really going to be home for two whole weeks?”

“I am.” Noelle had tentatively planned a discounted cruise with a couple of friends. Instead, she was vacationing with her parents, planning her sister’s wedding and trying not to think about Thom Sutton.

“You’re going to the Christmas dance, aren’t you?”

“Not if I can get out of it.” Her mother was the one who insisted on these social outings, but Noelle would live the rest of her life content if she never attended another dance. They reminded her to much of those long-ago evenings with Thom… .

“Mom says you’re going.”

Noelle sat down on the end of the bed and sighed. “I’ll tell her I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Don’t do that,” Carley advised. “She’ll buy you a pink dress. Mom loves pink. Not just any old pink, either, but something that looks exactly like Pepto-Bismol. She actually wanted Kristen to choose pink for her wedding colors.” She grimaced. Reaching down for her feet, Carley curled her fingers over her bare toes and nodded vigorously. “You’d better come to the dance.”

This was one of the reasons Noelle found excuse after excuse to stay away from Rose. Admittedly it wasn’t the primary reason—Thom Sutton and his mother were responsible for that. But as much as she loved her family, she dreaded being dragged from one social event to the next. She could see her mother putting her on display—in Pepto-Bismol pink, according to Carley. If that wasn’t bad enough, Sarah had an embarrassing tendency to speak as though Noelle wasn’t in the room, bragging outrageously over every little accomplishment.

“Hey, you want to go to the movies tomorrow?” Noelle asked her sister.

Carley’s eyes brightened. “Sure! I was hoping we’d get to do things together.”

The doorbell chimed and Carley rolled onto her stomach. “That’s Kristen. She’s coming over without Jonathan tonight.”

“You like Jonathan?” Noelle asked.

“Yeah.” Carley grinned happily. “He danced with me once and no one asked him to or anything.”

This was encouraging. Maybe he’d dance with her, too.

“Noelle!” Kristen called from the far end of the hallway. She burst into the room, full of energy and spirit. Instantly Noelle was wrapped in a tight embrace. “I can’t believe you’re here—oh sis, it’s so good to see you.”

Noelle hugged her back. She missed the chats they used to have; discussions over the phone just weren’t the same as hugs and smiles. “Guess who I ran into on the plane?” Noelle had been dying to talk about the chance encounter with Thom.

Some of the excitement faded from Kristen’s eyes. “Don’t tell me. Thom Sutton?”

Noelle nodded.

“Who’s Thom Sutton?” Carley asked, glancing from one sister to the other.

“A guy I once dated.”

“Were you lovers?”

“Carley!”

“Just curious.” She shrugged as if this was information she was somehow entitled to.

“Where?” Kristen demanded.

“He was on the same flight as me.”

“He still lives here, you know. He’s some kind of executive for a mail-order company that’s really taken off in the last few years. Apparently he does a lot of traveling.”

“How’d you know that?” They’d always avoided the topic of Thom Sutton in their telephone and email communications.