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All We Left Behind
DANIELLE R. GRAHAM


One More Chapter

a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers 2020

Copyright © Danielle R. Graham 2020

Cover design by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2020

Cover images © Shutterstock.com

Danielle R. Graham asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780008387150

Ebook Edition © January 2020 ISBN: 9780008387143

Version: 2019-12-05

About This Book

This ebook meets all accessibility requirements and standards.

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

About This Book

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Author’s Note

About the Author

About the Publisher

For my nephews, Parker and Declan,

and their Great Grandfather, Ted Tadayuki Kadohama

Based on true events …

Chapter 1
The Italian Campaign, World War II, April 1944

‘Hayden. Wait up.’ Gordie jogged to catch up to me as I made my way from the intelligence tent to the flight strip. Our orders were to escort the bomber squadron to target a train transporting enemy supplies through Italy. ‘Maybe you shouldn’t fly today, pal.’ Gordie matched my stride and thudded his palm against my shoulder.

I couldn’t afford to miss a flight. We were only seventeen more missions from being reassigned and I was determined to do whatever it took to go home. ‘I’m fine,’ I mumbled, then wove against the flow of the night airmen who were headed to the mess tent for a cup of weak coffee and a breakfast of dry egg and toast.

‘Are you sure?’ Gordie asked. ‘You weren’t even paying attention back there. I don’t want to get killed because your head is somewhere else.’

My jaw tightened at the reminder of the curt letter from my father folded in the lining of my breast pocket. The truth was I hadn’t slept or eaten since I received the post. And Gordie was right. I hadn’t listened to anything our commanding officer had said during the briefing, other than noting the location of the advancement line to protect the Allied troops on the ground. I didn’t need to pay attention. I knew the orders by heart. We’d done the same routine hundreds of times in the months we’d been stationed close to the Gustav Line – fly the sortie, avoid flak, and return with everyone in the squadron. ‘I’m fine to fly.’

The tread of my boot gripped the metal of the wing as I climbed up onto my airplane to double-check the airscrew pitch. Gordie hung out next to the rudder and squinted through the glare of the Mediterranean sun to shoot me an uneasy glance. ‘Nobody’s going to question if you sit this one out. It would be safer for all of us if you take some time to grieve, maybe talk to the chaplain.’

‘Time off won’t help. Sitting around here without a distraction would be worse.’ I checked the oxygen and pressure for the gun system, then hopped back down to the tarmac to wait for the siren. ‘And talking about it doesn’t change what happened. The only thing that would have made a difference is if I had been there. And I wasn’t.’

As the ground crew armed his Spitfire, Gordie performed a set of jumping jacks to get the blood flowing. Between breaths and bounces he said, ‘It might have ended in the same result even if you had been there. There’s no way of knowing.’

Annoyed that he was probably right, I forced the buckle on my flotation vest too abruptly and it broke off in my hand. ‘Hey!’ I hollered over to a gangly crewman speeding by on a bicycle. ‘Grab me another Mae West, would you? This one failed.’ The kid thrust his thumb in the air and pedalled harder to fetch a new vest from the supply tent. Gordie transitioned his calisthenics into side bends and hamstring stretches and waited patiently to finish the conversation. A conversation I wanted nothing to do with.

‘You can’t blame yourself, Hayden. There isn’t anything you could have done.’

That was the whole point. It was infuriating that I was powerless to change the outcome from overseas. ‘If I’d had a chance to talk to her—’

Gordie shook his head to disagree and loosened his necktie an extra finger-width. ‘It doesn’t work that way.’

‘No? How does it work then?’

He shrugged and arched to look at the sky to stretch his lower back. ‘All I know is there are certain things nobody can do anything about, and this is one of them.’

More and more it felt like fighting a war was one of those futile things too. What if all my efforts were pointless? And all for nothing? I stretched my leather helmet and goggles over my ears and swallowed back the helplessness of being unable to fix anything. ‘What if everything back home changes so much while we’re here that we don’t recognize it when we get back?’

Gordie thought about it seriously as he forced his beefy hands into his leather gloves. ‘I’m more worried they’ll all be the same and expect me to be the same. The war has changed me. I can’t go back to my old life the way it was.’

‘Yeah, well.’ I exhaled as much useless tension as I could, but an entire war’s worth of fury had taken up a hefty residence inside my chest. ‘I enjoyed my old life. I want it back.’

Gordie cuffed the back of my head in an unsuccessful attempt to bolster my morale. ‘Let’s just worry about getting home alive first. We can decide what we want to do with that life later.’

I nodded in reluctant agreement. The Royal Air Force petrol refuellers linked the hose to my tank and the vapours mixed with the fumes of the freshly painted yellow, blue, white, and red rings of the side roundel of the seven-crew Lancaster heavy night bomber next to us. Gordie headed over to inspect his machine as the crewman on the bike returned with my new flotation device. I squeezed my head through, rearranged the parachute seat pack straps and climbed back up onto the wing of my Spitfire, attempting to push away all thoughts from my mind, except the mission.

High cloud, pleasant spring temperatures – a perfect day to fly.

As I waited for the signal to fire up, I slid out the photo that I kept hidden in the lining of my breast pocket. Some days it felt as if Chidori was glancing back at me with encouragement or adoration, but not this time. Her eyes pleaded with me, trying to tell me something. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what, and the frustration forced tears to well up and blur my vision, so I tucked the photo away next to my father’s letter. I would have given anything to forget the anguishing news from home and focus instead on better thoughts, but it felt as if all the pleasant memories of Mayne Island before the war – Chidori, my family, my Border collie, Patch, and even pleasures as simple as the sticky buns at the fall fair – were eroding, fading farther and farther into the past with every year I was gone. I feared it wouldn’t be long before all of the good memories were lost forever, replaced one by one with increasingly painful memories.

Holding position on the airstrip when the anticipation of a mission was already hammering through my system had always been aggravating. The delays were even more torturous in the irritable state I was in. The mercury rose under the cockpit shield as I was forced to wait. Every single thing that could possibly go wrong on a flight over enemy-occupied territory inched into my awareness and collided with all the other turmoil that was already holding court in my thoughts. The wool collar of my uniform scratched almost unbearably at my neck.

When the green lantern finally flashed, my engine choked, like a kid trying a cigarette for the first time. The tower signalled for the spare Spitfire but after a stutter, my machine roared to life. I should have taken the falter as an omen. Instead, I waved off the spare and taxied out onto the flare path for takeoff.

23 August 1941

Dear Diary,

A moment worthy of contemplation occurred this morning over fresh-baked buttermilk biscuits and homemade strawberry preserves. As Obaasan basked in the sunbeam that angled through our kitchen window, she sipped her matcha tea and then uttered a phrase under her breath in Japanese. It loosely translates into, ‘every encounter happens but once in a lifetime and every meeting ends with a parting’. Concerned that it meant her health was failing, I asked her what she had meant. She seemed surprised I had heard her, as if perhaps she hadn’t intended to voice her reflections aloud.

Kenji chuckled because he believes Grandmother’s ramblings have become confused due to her old age. My brothers don’t make as much concerted effort as I do to be attentive and patient with Grandmother. Surely they appreciate the value of learning as much from her as possible before she is gone and all of her traditional Japanese wisdom is lost on the wind forever, but perhaps they take for granted that she will always be here. I am uneasy about why she is pondering the topic of parting. She seems in good health, though, so hopefully we have nothing to fear. Nevertheless, I will take notice of each encounter I have today and be grateful for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that it presents.

I have to rush off now to complete my chores before the fall fair. (Chores certainly don’t feel like once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to be treasured, more like never-ending, tedious monotony!) I guess I still have much to learn about unconditional acceptance.

Chi

Chapter 2
Mayne Island, British Columbia, August 1941

Chidori’s polished black shoes poked out from beneath the crisp white bed sheets that billowed in the ocean breeze as she meticulously pegged the corners to the clothesline in front of her family’s farmhouse. Full of eager anticipation, I snuck out of the forest of ancient evergreens that bordered their homestead, then crept in stealth through the long grass behind her. When I was close enough to catch a hint of the cherry blossom fragrance of her hair, I reached between the cotton sheets and tickled her waist.

She squealed in delight, unravelled us from the fabric, and slapped my chest. ‘Good golly. Hayden! You startled me half to death. I expected you to be out on the boat. What are you doing here?’

My mouth opened, about to produce a jaunty answer, but the long strands of her hair shimmered in the sun like raven feathers. The loveliness of it distracted me from the dashing quip I had intended to say next.

With delicate precision, Chidori tucked the wisps behind her ears and studied my expression with curiosity. If she knew the reason for my tongue-tied silence, she didn’t acknowledge it with more than a smile before making a second attempt to encourage my participation in the conversation. ‘Did you forget today is Saturday? Why aren’t you out fishing with Uncle Massey and your father?’

I swiped my hand across my mouth so my wily grin wouldn’t prematurely reveal my true ambition. ‘I volunteered to help my ma and the committee ladies set up the craft fair.’

Chidori stepped back to put a distance more fitting for a friendship between us, then glanced over her shoulder and peeked between the sheets to check if anyone from the house had seen us standing so close. ‘It was nice of you to offer to help your mother.’

‘Not entirely. Truth is, I have ulterior motives.’

‘Ah.’ Her eyes glimmered at the admission that I was up to something rascally. ‘What might those motives be?’

My long-anticipated plan was to invite her on a proper date, and if she was agreeable, begin a courtship. I had even rehearsed a heartfelt speech, but I needed to choose a more romantic moment to deliver it than during laundry chores. I stalled by teasing her. ‘Is this yours?’ I bent over and lifted up a silk slip from the laundry basket.

Chidori blushed, snatched the undergarment from me and then pressed her palms against my arms to playfully shove me away. ‘It’s my grandmother’s. Don’t be such a Nosey Ned.’

‘Nosey Ned? Is there even such a thing?’

‘Just keep your peepers and your mitts to yourself.’ She transferred the undergarments to the line behind the sheets to hide them. ‘You haven’t answered the question. What are your ulterior motives for helping your mother at the fair?’

I pressed my index finger to my lips, then whispered, ‘It’s top secret.’

She shook her head at my evasiveness, but the fact I wasn’t myself seemed to amuse her more than annoy her. ‘You’re acting peculiar, Hayden. If you and Joey are planning some sort of prank, leave me out of it.’

I shot her an impish wink, which made her chuckle.

‘I want no part of whatever mischief you two are scheming to get yourself into.’

‘Hopefully you’ll change your mind once you hear what it is.’

‘Doubtful.’ She smiled to herself before she spun away to peg the corner of another sheet on the line. ‘I had assumed after we graduated that you and Joey would outgrow your schoolboy shenanigans.’

‘Wishful thinking.’

Chidori stopped what she was doing, mused for an extra heartbeat, and then gently shoved my arm to shoo me. ‘I have chores to finish, Mr Monkey Business. And I don’t want to make you late. You should get on and go help your mother. And stay out of trouble.’

‘I won’t be late if I hitch a ride with you and your brothers. Then, after I help my mother, I was thinking you and I could spend some time together. Maybe eat some caramel apples or enter the three-legged race or partake in some other charming country-fair pastime.’

‘Oh.’ She hesitated with a pause that I feared was almost wistful, as it perhaps crossed her mind what my ulterior motive was. Fortunately, after the momentary contemplation, her mood became jovial again. ‘Defending our title in the three-legged race would be fun, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to enjoy the fair. I have to tend to our vegetable stand at the farmers’ market.’

‘One of your brothers could take over for a while.’

‘They can’t. There’s work to do back here in the greenhouses. I’ll be by myself at the market until they pick me up. Besides, won’t you have to help with the fish sales once the boat arrives at the dock?’

I leaned my shoulder against the clothesline post and crossed my arms, watching her peg trousers and trying to come up with a way to convince her that we could balance work and play. ‘This will likely be the last fall fair until the war is over. It might be our last chance for a long time to enjoy the festivities. Maybe if you sell out of your produce quickly, we could at least hang out at the dance with Joey and Donna Mae for a spell.’

When she didn’t immediately respond, I began to worry that my increasing adoration for her was not mutual and would not be reciprocated. Sweat beaded along my hairline and rolled down the side of my neck as I braced for rejection. Eventually she shot me a flicker of a grin. ‘If I sell out early, I’ll find you.’

‘Thank you.’ My fingers curled to tuck a loose wisp of her hair behind her ear.

Chidori’s eyelids lowered and her brow knitted curiously as she watched me withdraw my hand. Perhaps she was taken off-guard by the affectionate gesture of me touching her hair. Or, she noticed how mesmerized I was by the way the silkiness of the strands danced across my skin. Instead of addressing the intimacy, she said, ‘I should probably focus and get this done properly, Hayden.’ She bent to pull a light green dress out of the laundry basket.

Since I had no intention of leaving without her, I helped with the laundry.

With adept speed, she finished hanging everything in the first basket. As I clumsily pegged a pair of trousers cockeyed to the line, her eyes narrowed in mock scorn. ‘The seam of your shirt is torn. How did you manage that?’

‘I caught it on a rivet when I fixed the hay baler yesterday.’ I tugged at the fabric to examine the hole. ‘No matter. Nobody will notice.’

‘Yes, they will. I’ll quickly mend it for you.’ Chidori reached both her hands up to push my suspenders over my shoulders and let them drop to hang at my hip. The fingers of her left hand untucked the bottom hem of my shirt from the waist of my trousers while the fingers of her right hand unfastened the neck button. It wasn’t likely her intention to cause such an effect in me, but my breath caught in my throat as she slowly made her way down, undoing one button at a time until my shirt hung open. Her hands ran over the fabric of my undershirt and then she eased the top shirt down my arms. Whether she meant for it to or not, it made my heart race and goose bumps spread across the surface of my skin.

‘Stay put. I’ll be right back.’ With a perky spin she disappeared between the sheets, leaving me wondering if she was simply being helpful or reciprocating the affection.

I hung the rest of the laundry with a giant grin on my face, hopeful that Chidori’s feelings had also deepened beyond the level of friendship, and that she might accept an invitation to accompany me on a date.

When she returned a few minutes later, she held my shirt by the shoulders so I could slip into it.

‘I appreciate it.’ I chuckled at the thought that she wouldn’t likely be as accommodating if I asked her to mend the missing button on my grey trousers, too. Thankfully, she couldn’t read my mind, but she did seem to sense that whatever I was thinking was cheeky, since she shot me a slightly maternal eyebrow-raise as she guided me by the elbow towards her father’s black stake truck. It was already loaded with wood crates overflowing with a rainbow of vegetables for the farmers’ market. I opened the passenger side door for her, and she climbed in as her brothers emerged from the greenhouse.

‘Not fishing today, Hayden?’ her brother Tosh asked.

‘The fall fair is only one day a year and who knows when we’ll have another one. The fish will still be there tomorrow.’

‘True. Hop on.’ He pointed to the back and slid into the driver’s seat. Chidori’s other brother Kenji and I both jumped up onto the flatbed to sit on the crates.

Toshiro was twenty-one years old and the eldest. Everyone called him Tosh. He was home for the summer after completing an undergraduate degree at the University of British Columbia. He planned to take a year off from studies and then enter law school. Tosh and Chidori were a lot alike. Kenji, on the other hand, was more like me. He was two years older than Chidori and me. He had been a good athlete and student in high school but, like me, didn’t apply to university. Kenji was also an accomplished pianist, but didn’t care much for music, so didn’t accept the offer to play for the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra – much to his mother’s chagrin. Baseball was his only real love – baseball and his sweetheart named Michiko. For the two years after he graduated high school, he lived with Tosh near the university campus in Vancouver and played two seasons with the Asahi championship baseball team. Kenji moved back home to Mayne Island at the beginning of summer when Tosh did, because he had injured his shoulder and couldn’t play baseball any more. He still hadn’t quite gotten over that disappointment and was extra-glum for a while because he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do as his career. But his mood improved when he took a job as an accountant’s assistant and he and Michiko started to go steady.

We drove out onto the dirt road that cut across the island. Chidori glanced over her shoulder and returned the smile I was already gleaming at her through the back window. If she had an inkling of what my ulterior motives were, then her amenable mood was a good sign.

A cloud of dust trailed behind us as we approached town, then billowed up to coat the two men on ladders who hoisted the 1941 Mayne Island Fall Fair banner to string it across the road. Chidori and I had both attended every fall fair since we were born. I hoped it wasn’t going to be the last one ever, but the war overseas had already been progressing for two years, with no end in sight. The fall fair tradition would more than likely be suspended once more government rations on staple goods were put in place.

Tosh parked the truck next to the split rail fence that enclosed the area for the farmers’ market, then hopped out of the cab. I jumped off the flatbed and strategically landed right in front of Chidori. Her palm grazed my waist delicately as she manoeuvred around me to lift a crate of tomatoes.

‘Hayden,’ my sister Rosalyn hollered from the porch of the Agricultural Hall. ‘Ma needs your help hauling in the boxes of preserves.’

‘All right. I’ll be right there,’ I shouted as I stacked two vegetable crates and followed Chidori and her brothers to their stand. Their wood setup was one of the bigger ones at the market, constructed like a small shed with angled display shelves along the base of the counter and a shingle shake slanted roof to shade from sun and protect from rain. It stood permanently on the fairgrounds during the growing season, so all they had to do was load up the shelves with the crates or baskets of vegetables and hang the hand-painted Setoguchi Farm sign from the hooks. An instant shop, and they were well known for their quality produce.

‘You should go help your mother,’ Chidori said quietly, not wanting to keep me from what I was supposed to be doing. ‘We can manage from here.’

‘You promise you’ll find me later?’

‘Yes, but if I don’t sell out before you have to leave for the dock, you and I could maybe go for a walk. Together. This afternoon, after the fair.’ She checked my reaction to the invitation briefly, but then, as if she worried she had been too forward, her cheeks blushed and she stepped around me to make another trip to the truck. Her red skirt brushed around her knees and distracted me for a few seconds before I followed after her.

‘Hayden!’ Ma hollered from a window in the Agricultural Hall that overlooked the farmers’ market field. ‘We’re running short on time. I really do need your help with the jars, darling.’

Waving to let her know I was on my way, I trotted after Chidori. The air was fragrant from bushels of lavender, sun-warmed strawberries, and fresh honey that other families displayed at their stands. I dodged a carpenter who carried a chair made of woven cedar branches. I side-stepped between a booth with cinnamon-and-brown-sugar-drizzled baked goods, and a booth with wool-knit baby blankets, then snuck up behind Chidori. She surrendered a smile when I rested my left hand on her waist and leaned over her shoulder to whisper, ‘I accept your invitation for a walk this afternoon, but I’m also really hoping you can find time for at least one dance.’

Her lips pressed together as she pondered. After a worry-rousing hesitation, she said, ‘Maybe. Now, go on and help your mother.’

Satisfied with a maybe, I turned towards the Agricultural Hall with my hands in my pockets and whistled a tune as I swaggered with the confidence of hope and promise.

Rory Bauer and his cousin Fitz stood on the porch, arms crossed in confrontation, to block my way to the door. ‘You didn’t go and get sweet on that Jap girl now, did you?’ Fitz jeered.

Rory chuckled as he lit a cigarette and sat down on a wood-plank bench. They both directed hostile glares at me, waiting for an answer. Not interested in an altercation, I tried to inch past them on the narrow porch. Rory stretched his legs out straight and rested his scuffed boot on the rail.

‘Excuse me, Rory.’

‘Excuse you for what?’ Fitz laughed. ‘Being sweet on a Jap?’

My composure teetered precariously. Chidori didn’t approve of me getting messed up in quarrels, so I checked if she was watching – she was. Instead of confronting the Bauers, I said, ‘Move your ratty feet, Rory, I need to get by.’

Rory stood and blew stale breath and cigarette smoke in my face.

Barely able to contain my temper, I used all of my self-restraint to utter through a tight jaw, ‘Move. My ma’s waiting on me to help her with the displays.’

‘Is your ma a Jap-lover too?’ Fitz asked.

My frame tensed and I inhaled to supress my irritation but fired back, ‘I think you should be more concerned about who your ma’s been loving, Fitz. I heard she’s awful friendly with all the fellas down at the Springwater Lodge.’

‘Shut your filthy mouth,’ Fitz growled.

Rory shoved me in the chest, which launched me against the wood siding. My body made a loud thud and a few people, including my sister, poked their heads out the door to check what the ruckus was about. The only RCMP officer for all the Gulf Islands, Constable Stuart, stepped up onto the porch in his full Red Serge uniform that made him appear seven feet tall. ‘What seems to be the problem, boys?’

‘No problem,’ we all said.

Rory mumbled something I couldn’t quite hear, took another drag from his cigarette, and avoided making eye contact with Constable Stuart. Fitz ran a comb through his overly Brylcreemed hair and shot a greasy wink at Rosalyn, which didn’t impress her in the slightest. Constable Stuart, who must have been stifling in his wool serge, used a hankie to wipe the sweat from the back of his neck and eyeballed us until Rory eventually walked away. Fitz followed. Constable Stuart directed his attention to me. I swallowed hard and focused on his bushy moustache as I waited for him to speak. ‘What was that skirmish all about, Hayden?’

‘Nothing I can’t handle, sir.’

He frowned for a good while before nodding in a cautionary way. ‘Let’s hope so.’ With the tip of his brown felt hat he stepped off the porch and crossed the street to give heck to a boy who wasn’t paying attention to his tethered goat as it chewed up the siding on the two-cell jailhouse.

I glanced across the fairgrounds at Chidori long enough to see the apprehension in her eyes about Rory and Fitz. Then I ducked inside to help my mother.

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