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CHAPTER ONE

THE breakfast pots had been washed, the beds made, the washer switched on, the letter from her father-in-law in the morning post dutifully read, and now Selina was about to top up her tan on a sunlounger in the back garden.

Creamed against the powerful rays of a midsummer sun and wearing a black bikini, she was looking forward to some prime time by herself. Shutting her ears to the noises coming from the main street of the village, which was only yards away, she sank down thankfully onto the soft upholstery.

Two whole days, she thought thankfully. Time to recharge her batteries before going back on the unit for night duty.

Tomorrow there was to be a fête on the village green they might go to, and there was a film on in the town centre that she wouldn’t mind seeing afterwards.

But today she was going to potter. Sunbathe for a while, have a leisurely lunch and then later make a nice meal for the two of them.

When the phone rang she groaned. Letting the magazine she’d brought out with her fall to the ground, Selina eased herself off the sunbed and padded inside.

The voice at the other end of the phone belonged to the head teacher at Josh’s school, and her face blanched as he said in subdued tones, ‘I’m glad I’ve caught you in, Mrs Sanderson. I’m afraid that your son has had an accident.’

‘What do you mean?’ she cried. ‘What kind of an accident?’

‘He ran out of the school yard onto the main road to retrieve a ball during breaktime and into the path of an oncoming car.’

Don’t let him be dead, she prayed as dread turned the blood in her veins to ice. Not my little one. I can’t take any more.

‘We’re not sure how badly hurt he is,’ he went on. ‘We haven’t moved him under the circumstances and an ambulance is on its way.’

So at least Josh was alive, she thought frantically, but for how long?

‘Tell the paramedics to wait for me,’ she shrieked into the receiver, and before he’d had time to reply she was flinging open the hall cupboard and throwing on a long raincoat to cover the bikini, at the same time forcing her feet into the nearest footwear to hand, which happened to be the trainers she wore for jogging.

She was at the junior school on the outskirts of the village within minutes, and she didn’t have to search for the scene of the accident. The ambulance was already there, standing purposefully at the kerbside outside the gates. Even if it hadn’t been, the crowd that had gathered would have been indication enough.

As she flung herself out of the car and began to push past the onlookers with frantic haste, Selina’s horrified gaze was on the small figure of her son, lying very still at the pavement edge.

A paramedic was bending over him and another was stepping down from the ambulance with a red response bag in his hands.

‘I’m his mother,’ she cried, falling to her knees on the other side of the small casualty with hands outstretched to do the things she’d done countless times…for other people’s children.

The man bending over her son was examining him with deft yet gentle hands. Beside herself with panic, she cried, ‘Have you checked that he’s breathing? For spinal injuries? That his tongue is free? That his tubes aren’t—?’

He didn’t lift his head.

‘Yes. I have,’ he informed her levelly, ‘as far as is possible under the circumstances. Now we need to get the boy to hospital as quickly as possible.’

‘Roll him onto a backboard,’ she ordered. ‘I don’t want Josh risking further injury by being handled too much.’

Selina wasn’t aware of the brief appraisal of a pair of dark eyes, or that the man’s voice when he spoke again wasn’t quite as impersonal as before.

‘We’re going to do that. So if you would, please, stand back?’

She could hardly bear to move an inch away from Josh, but heaven forbid that she should behave like other hysterical relatives she’d seen, hindering the progress of the ambulance team.

‘I’m coming with you,’ she cried.

‘Of course,’ he said crisply, and within seconds they were off, with the siren blaring and the light flashing above the fast-moving ambulance with its distinctive coloured flashes.

Instinctively Selina reached across for the advance support bag containing the equipment that would be needed if Josh went into cardiac arrest or if his airways became blocked. But a voice from beside her, which was heating up by the moment, cried, ‘Do you mind? I’m in charge of this vehicle. You may be the boy’s mother, but I’m the paramedic and I have everything under control. At least I would have if you could resist trying to take over. I understand your great anxiety but do, please, leave it to me.’

As if realising for the first time that he was in charge, Selina just sat and blinked at him.

‘As you can see,’ he continued, ‘we have your son on a backboard to prevent further spinal injury, should there be any, and we’ve tied his legs together as the left one is almost certainly fractured. The cuts on his head and arms are mostly superficial, except for the gash on the temple…and I will be monitoring his heart all the time we’re in transit. Does that satisfy you?’

The younger man, who had taken over the driving, turned his head at that moment. He could have been invisible for all the notice Selina had taken of him so far, but now he was registering, and when he spoke she recognised the voice and the face.

‘She’s one of us, Kane,’ Mike Thompson explained.

In his second year of training, and referred to by those in the know as an ambulance technician, he was a reserved sort of young man who never had much to say, but it was obvious that he felt some sort of explanation was due, and towards that end he went on to explain awkwardly, ‘Selina’s on the unit.’

The other man groaned, and said to Selina, ‘So that’s why you’re trying to take over. I get the picture.’

At that moment Josh opened his eyes, and as he did so both men were once more blurred figures on the edge of her nightmare.

‘Mum, I hurt all over,’ he said tearfully. ‘I was hit by a car. Where’s Dad?’ He’ll make it better.’

‘I know what’s happened, my darling,’ she said softly. ‘You’re in an ambulance on the way to hospital. They’ll make you better there.’

‘I want my dad,’ he wailed. ‘It’s not fair.’

Selina swallowed hard. In the shock of the accident Josh was trying to put the clock back and, aware of the man hovering watchfully beside her, she said soothingly, ‘I know. But you do know that he would have been here if he could, don’t you?’

Josh nodded glumly and turned his head into the flat pillow beneath it.

‘So he can move his neck,’ the strange paramedic said. ‘That’s good. And apart from the fractured limb, the rest of him seems to be flexible enough. They said at the school that the car driver wasn’t going very fast and that your son bounced sideways off the bonnet, which probably saved his life.’

Selina nodded bleakly. It was something to be thankful for, but there would be questions she would be asking about supervision in the playground. Though at the moment all that mattered was Josh.

The ambulance was turning into the hospital car park and as she raised herself from her kneeling position beside her son, the old coat that she’d flung on swung open and an expanse of bare midriff was briefly on view.

She must look like nothing on earth, she thought raggedly as she clutched it to her. Trainers, the briefest of bikinis…and a raincoat that didn’t button properly. A far cry from the neat navy trousers and crisp white blouse that would have been her normal attire had she been taking a call-out such as this while on duty.

As the bossy paramedic wheeled Josh into Casualty, Selina was beside him, holding his hand and hoping that Gavin would be on duty.

He was. He’d just come out of one of the cubicles, and as he swished the curtains together behind him he saw them.

His glance went first to Selina’s white face and then flicked to Josh.

‘What’s happened?’ he asked as he hurried across to them.

‘Josh has been knocked down by a car,’ she choked out. ‘The paramedic says he has a fractured leg and there might be other injuries.’

Light blue eyes in a tired face met hers. ‘And what’s your opinion?’

‘I’m so worked up I can’t even think straight.’

He patted her shoulder briefly. ‘Let’s get him sorted then, shall we?’

The moment Josh was rolled off the backboard onto the bed in an empty cubicle, Mike Thompson and his unknown colleague stepped back, their job done, and at that point Selina began to calm down a little.

Now that Josh was in hospital, with Gavin there to take over and with a nurse hovering, she was able to take stock of the man who must obviously be Charlie’s replacement.

Selina had worked with Charlie Vaughan ever since joining the ambulance unit, and now, at the end of her second year of training, she was having to part company with the man who had been with the ambulance service for thirty years and was about to retire.

If it hadn’t been for Charlie’s never-failing good humour and infinite patience during that time, both with herself and those he served, Selina knew she might have given up.

The hours were long, and there was always trauma of one kind or another awaiting them when a call came through, but there was job satisfaction, too…lots of it.

Charlie had said the other day that a paramedic from another area was to replace him and Selina had a feeling that the man eyeing her unsmilingly from the other side of Josh’s bed could be he.

He was tall and loose-limbed, with a shock of dark hair above a face that might have been described as hawk-like if it hadn’t been so arresting. His eyes were deep brown and very cool, his mouth a straight line, and she had a sudden sinking feeling that partnering this man was going to be a different ball game to working with Charlie.

‘Kane’s replacing Charlie,’ the monosyllabic Mike said, as if reading her mind, and Selina nodded, while the man in question continued to eye her silently.

What was the matter with him? she thought irritably. He’d had enough to say in the ambulance. Maybe he was waiting for some comment from her? Meeting his glance, she said stiffly, ‘I see. I thought that might be it, but I’ll have to ask you to excuse me. All I can think of at the moment is that my son is hurt.’ Her voice broke.

‘I took him to school myself,’ she croaked to no one in particular. ‘Saw him safely into the playground and watched his class file in and now…now I’m told that he’s been knocked down by a car.’

‘I’m sending Josh for X-rays on his leg and spine,’ Gavin said gently. ‘Buck up, Selina. He’ll be frightened if he sees you upset.’

She blinked back the tears that were threatening.

‘Yes, you’re right. Let’s go, then.’

The man in the white coat, who was as familiar to her as her own face, nodded. ‘I’ll be waiting when you get back,’ he promised.

When she looked up, Mike and the new man had gone. Back to base, no doubt, to await the next red alert or whatever else came through that needed their attention.

As they set off down the corridor, with the nurse pushing the bed and Selina holding tightly onto Josh’s hand, Gavin called after them. ‘By the way, I like the outfit, Selina.’

She managed a smile.

‘I was sunbathing.’

‘I’d never have guessed,’ he said with a smile of his own.

* * *

Josh had been lucky. The X-rays showed no spinal injuries, but he had sustained a fracture of the tibia of his right leg. The break was across the shaft, for which Selina was thankful as fractures of the lower part of the tibia often resulted in a fragmented ankle bone that had to be repaired by surgery, whereas in Josh’s case, a plaster cast on the leg for approximately six weeks should see the bone healed.

‘I’m keeping him in for a couple of days just as a precaution,’ Gavin said when the cast had been applied, ‘and as it goes without saying that you won’t be budging from his side once he’s settled into the children’s ward, why not go home and change out of your fancy dress? I’ll keep an eye on Josh until they find him a bed.’

‘I might just do that,’ she said. ‘I’d hate your staff to think that your sister’s eccentric…and, dear brother, am I glad that you’ve chosen to do a stint in Accident and Emergency.’

He shrugged. ‘In a crazy sort of way I’m enjoying it. It’s a case of you ambulance folks bringing ’em in, and my lot sorting ’em out.’

Selina shuddered. ‘And in this case it was Josh that they wheeled in. I can’t stop thinking that he might have been killed.’

As she was making her way to the main reception area to telephone for a taxi she saw the two paramedics coming towards her. Remembering how her introduction to the new man had been somewhat heated, Selina said awkwardly, ‘I see you’re back already.’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Another red alert came through before we’d got back to base and, having delivered the patient to A and E once more, we’re on our way back again. How’s the boy?’ he went on.

‘He’s got a fractured tibia, which has just been put in plaster, and my, er…Gavin is keeping Josh in for a couple of days. There were no obvious spinal injuries, but he isn’t taking any chances and wants to keep him under observation for a while.’

He nodded.

‘Good.’

Dark eyes were flicking over her and momentarily a smile tugged at his mouth.

‘I take it that you’re going home to change. We’ll drop you off if you like.’

‘I’m starving,’ Mike put in. ‘If you’re taking Selina home, I’ll have a bite in the restaurant here and you can pick me up on the way back.’

Selina hesitated. Another encounter with the man who was going to be featuring prominently in her working life in days to come didn’t appeal. But for him to take her home and bring her back almost immediately when he came to pick up Mike would be so much quicker than any other way, and she didn’t want to be away from Josh for a moment longer than necessary. He was happy enough with his Uncle Gavin, but it was her he needed the most…and his absent father.

But if she started thinking about Dave she would go to pieces completely and that wouldn’t help anybody, especially Josh.

She smiled.

‘That’s an offer I can’t refuse. I’m so anxious to get back to Josh.’ She looked down at the shapeless raincoat and, thinking of what it was concealing, told him, ‘I was sunbathing when I got the call from the school and I threw on the first things that came to hand. I don’t remember if I locked the door even, so I do need to go home for a few minutes.’

‘Let’s get moving, then,’ he said flatly, as if he thought she was gabbling somewhat.

When she climbed in beside him Selina was aware that, if what Mike had said was correct, this man was replacing Charlie. That was how it was going to be in future, and a bigger contrast to the amiable sixty year-old she couldn’t imagine.

As they pulled out of the city limits he said, ‘I suppose I’d better introduce myself.’ Taking a hand off the steering-wheel for a moment, he offered it to her. ‘Kane Kavener is the name, and the station officer has told me that you and I will be working together.’

His grasp was firm as they shook hands briefly. Selina thought illogically that it was like the man as there seemed to be nothing limp about…what was it he’d said his name was? Kane Kavener?

‘What they’ve told you is correct,’ she confirmed as their hands fell apart. ‘Charlie Vaughan, who I’ve worked with ever since joining the ambulance service, retired yesterday and so I’m short of a partner.’

‘So, what stage of training are you up to?’ he asked. ‘You’re not a paramedic?’

Selina shook her head.

‘No. Not yet. But I hope to be soon. I’ve done my year as a trainee and am almost at the end of a second year as an ambulance technician. As we both know, the next step is to take my paramedic exams.’

‘Who looks after the boy while you’re working?’ he questioned. ‘His father?’

‘Er…no. My brother and his wife live nearby and she looks after Josh, along with her own two children, while I’m at work.’

He nodded.

‘I see.’

Selina was observing him warily. What was he doing? Assessing her to see if she would be pulling her weight when they were on call-out? Or what?

‘How old is Josh?’

‘Nine,’ she replied briefly, ‘and he’s an only child.’

She was beginning to feel as if it was time that she did a bit of probing of her own.

‘Where have you moved from?’ she asked casually.

‘I’ve been living and working down south. This is my first experience of a northern city. I’d hoped to settle here a couple of weeks ago to give me some breathing space, but something cropped up and I only arrived yesterday.’

‘And you’re already on the job!’ she exclaimed. ‘That seems a bit much.’

He shrugged as if it was of no consequence. ‘My contract said that I start today, and today it is.’

She was giving him directions and he said, ‘I take it that working in the inner city is enough. You don’t choose to live there?’

‘That’s correct. I live in a Pennine village that isn’t too far away for commuting and is a better place to bring Josh up in.’

When they stopped outside the neat stone cottage, which had seemed like a paradise when Dave had been around and now was just a place to live, Kane settled back into the driving seat and said, ‘I’ll wait. Do whatever you have to do. If any calls come through, I’ll radio back to base and explain what’s happened and where I am.’

Selina hesitated. The least she could do was invite him in.

‘Don’t wait out here. You can make yourself a drink while I’m changing.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Yes.’

He opened the door and stepped onto the pavement, observing the house as he did so.

‘Nice. Have you always lived in the area?’

She nodded, wishing as she did so that he would leave it at that.

He did and, after directing him into the kitchen and showing him where she kept tea, coffee and suchlike, she went into the hall and took off the drab raincoat.

Selina paused for the briefest of moments as the bikini was revealed. She sighed. It seemed like a lifetime since she’d padded out into the garden to sun herself.

Framed in the mirror opposite was a woman with straight golden hair fastened back in a ponytail, slender almost to the point of being too thin, with violet eyes behind long lashes and a kind mouth.

The men on the unit often joked that she should be on the catwalk instead of the paramedic treadmill, but she only laughed when they said it. Ever since she’d joined the St John’s Ambulance Service while still at school Selina had known where she was heading.

But her mother’s long illness, her father’s incapacitation until he, too, had passed away and then becoming pregnant with Josh almost as soon as she and Dave had married had put a hold on career plans until a couple of years ago.

At that moment the kitchen door swung back and Kane Kavener was standing there with the coffee-jar in his hands.

‘It’s empty. Shall I er…?’ His voice trailed away when he saw her, and there was something in his glance that made her face grow warm.

‘Open a new one? Yes. You’ll find one in the cupboard,’ she said quickly, and with an about-turn she ran up the stairs.

Within seconds she was back down, dressed in a white cotton top and denim cropped trousers, and carrying a small holdall.

He put down the mug he was holding and with the other hand replaced the photograph of Dave and herself that he’d picked up from the window shelf.

‘Your husband?’ he asked casually.

‘Yes,’ she told him quietly, ‘and if you’re wondering why he isn’t here when his son is asking for him…’

He raised his hand with palm outwards to halt the flow of words.

‘Not my business. It just seemed a shame, that was all. Josh wanting him and him not being there, but fathers have a living to earn. They can’t always be around.’

‘Dave is dead,’ she told him tonelessly. ‘He died of cancer a year ago.’

Kane’s face went slack. ‘I’m sorry. So sorry! It must be very hard for you.’

‘It is,’ she said simply. ‘But there has never been anyone to tell us that life is fair, has there?’

‘No, indeed,’ he agreed soberly.

Wishing that she’d been a bit less upfront with her affairs, she said, ‘Are you ready?’

‘Of course…and make sure that you lock up this time.’

Not another word passed between them on the way back but Selina thought that she’d said enough already, considering they’d only met hours ago. But at least he would have her sussed for when she turned in for duty—he would have found out her circumstances sooner or later.

Kane Kavener hadn’t been very forthcoming about himself, though, had he? A quick glance at his inscrutable profile was a reminder that if she’d been upfront about herself to the man who was to be her new partner, he wasn’t prepared to paint a picture of himself for her.

When he stopped on the hospital forecourt he spoke for the first time.

‘I’m told that you’re due back on duty the day after tomorrow, and that would have been our first day together, but obviously your son’s accident will have changed that.’

Selina nodded.

‘Yes. I’ll be staying with Josh until he comes out of hospital and will want to be with him the first few days after he comes home while he adjusts to the plaster cast and moving around on crutches. Once that’s sorted he’ll be all right with my sister-in-law, Jill.’ She cast an anxious glance at the door marked OUTPATIENTS. ‘Just as long as there are no unforeseen complications from the accident.’

‘I hope that won’t be the case for both your sakes,’ he said gravely, then added, with his voice lightening, ‘Can I take it that you won’t be bossing me about when we start working together?

She gave a weak smile.

‘You mean like this morning?’

‘Hmm. Although I do admit there were extenuating circumstances.’

‘You’ll have to wait and see, won’t you?’ she said smoothly, and on that note she opened the door and was gone.

Josh had just been settled into the children’s ward when she got there, and now that his leg was more comfortable and his cuts and bruises had been treated he was feeling more cheerful and ready to enjoy the novelty of the situation he found himself in.

When Selina appeared at his bedside he looked up at her with the bright blue eyes that were so like Dave’s and said, ‘I know that Dad is dead, Mum. I don’t know why I said what I did.’

‘You were hurt and frightened, my darling,’ she said softly, ‘and wanted your dad as well as your mum. It was understandable, and although Dad isn’t with us anymore he’ll be watching over you somewhere, I’m sure.’

He was smiling.

‘Do you think they have traffic accidents in heaven…like when they get onto the wrong cloud or have a skid on the Milky Way?’

Selina laughed and there was relief in it because he was joking about Dave now, not crying for him.

Gavin had gone off duty. By now he would be home and would have told Jill what had happened. Her sister-in-law, who was also her closest friend, would be horrified.

By nine o’clock that evening Josh was fast asleep after his distressing day, and one of the nurses on the children’s ward said, ‘He’s happy enough with us, Mrs Sanderson. Why don’t you go home and get some rest? We’ll ring you if there are any problems.’

‘All right,’ she agreed reluctantly, ‘but I’ll be here by six o’clock in the morning.’

* * *

Gavin and Jill lived in a big Victorian semi by the village green and, before letting herself into the cottage, Selina called in to see them.

‘How awful for you both!’ her petite sister-in-law said, hugging her close. ‘Whatever were the school thinking of to let Josh run out on to the road like that?’

‘I don’t know,’ Selina said sombrely, ‘but I have a feeling that it might have been his own fault. He tells me that when the ball went over the wall his friends were all urging him to go and get it and while the playground supervisor’s back was turned he lifted the chain off the gate and ran out. But even so I shall be having a talk with the headmaster once I’ve calmed down.’

Gavin sighed. ‘Show a boy a ball and he undergoes a complete change of personality. How is he now?’

‘He was asleep when I left him, but I’ll be back there first thing.’

* * *

In the double bed that she’d once shared with Dave, Selina found she couldn’t sleep. Pictures of the day’s happenings kept going through her mind like shots from a horror movie, and mingled with them was the memory of the meeting with her new partner, Kane Kavener.

Where was he sleeping tonight? she wondered. He would have finished the day shift at seven o’clock and what then? Gone for a meal? Finished his unpacking? Or was there someone waiting for him, eager to hear how his first day had gone?

Why had she been in such a hurry to tell him she was a widow? she asked herself. She hated the sound of the word. For one thing it was a reminder that Dave wasn’t around any more, and for another it was like having a badge pinned on her, indicating that she was once again available. A marriageable woman. But not without strings attached. The ‘string’ in her case was an adorable fair-haired boy, whom she could have lost if a certain motorist hadn’t been driving slowly…and hadn’t clapped on his brakes as fast as he had.

Maybe at the back of her mind, when she’d said what she had, had been the memory of a couple of passes that men had made at her in recent weeks.

She’d quickly rebuffed them and afterwards had thought tearfully that she hated being in the position of a lone woman.

And so why should it be any different with him? she asked herself. She didn’t know. But something about Kane had told her that he wasn’t the chatting-up type. And why, for heaven’s sake, was she taking it for granted that he might be even remotely interested in anything concerning her?

In the end she got up, showered, made herself a quick breakfast in the summer dawn, then set off for the hospital once more.

* * *

Josh was discharged on Sunday morning, and as he swung himself along the garden path on a small pair of crutches Selina was just glad to have him home again.

‘One of the paramedics came in to see me last night after you’d gone, Mum,’ he’d said earlier when she’d arrived on the ward.

‘Really! Which one?’

‘The new one…Kane.’

‘That’s strange!’ she exclaimed. ‘He would have been off duty by then.’

‘Mmm, he was. He brought me some comics and sweets…and told me to look where I was going in future. He asked where you were and I said you’d gone home to have a rest.’

‘I see.’

She didn’t really. It had been a kind thought, but was it because he was sorry for them both?

Jill, Gavin and their three-year-old twin daughters called round in the afternoon, and after the tension of the last few days it was nice to have the house filled with noise and laughter.

‘So what about next week?’ Jill asked as they were leaving. ‘When are you going back to work?’

‘Not until I’m happy to leave Josh,’ she told her. ‘You’ve got your hands full with the twins and I don’t want to make life difficult for you.’

‘You won’t be,’ Jill told her serenely. ‘We’re used to having him around and the twins are fascinated by the crutches.’